Petticoats. Chocolate stains.

 

The sky is falling in, weep weep. These friends are false, and your family doesn’t love you. People say things they don’t mean. The end of the world. Fake scars on your wrists. Trying to understand your feelings, trying to make sense of yourself. Well I think you are bullshit. You are falsity and I do not want you.

 

Is the search for God absurd? Fleeting moments of happiness, certainty. Meaning. I have a purpose. I have a meaning, and it is you. The shining ball of light we all so desperately crave, I will reach it. Thank you, Lord.

 

I eat too much. Food is the killer. Devils, get thee behind me Satan or something. Fat. Fat. Fat. Records of everything you eat, lines and lines. Numbers, calculations. Red pen bad, green pen, good. Smile of complete contentment when you eat nothing, all day. Zero calories.

 

I want to look like an African child. Bones in mirrors. Nice. Cheekbones. Collar bones. Voids between my legs. Emancipated. Gosh, clothes would just look so much better. I will be perfect. Sure.

 

Craving disorder. Chaos, chaos. Anarchy. Mental.

 

I diagnose myself with disorders. Illnesses. Depression, duh, bi-polar. Please. Give me pills, make me better. Schizophrenia, perhaps. Tell me I am not okay. Please. Tell me I am wrong. I will be better if you just say. Admit it. Tell me. There is something wrong. Thank you. I need it. I need it more than I could possibly say. I cannot be normal. I cant. There has to be something wrong.

 

Where has God gone? Was he ever even there? No feeling. No cure. He didn’t make it better, time did, and he is outside of time, so it wasn’t him that helped. F**k you then. I quit. I don’t need your hope and your light, I will find my own. Make my own. One day, one day I’ll find it.

 

I set my friends on fire, but I didn’t mean it. I only meant I wasn’t sure, too wrapped up to really look at what was there. I didn’t mean to destroy them. Break these bonds. Woops. The future will not be able to take these things back. The past is gone. Done. Laces tied. My shoes will shine again, but perhaps not for a while.

Reviews

[Ecnelis]

This is a very vivid piece. Filled with imagery and just overflowing with feelings and thoughts.

It is a thought provoking piece and at the same time quite haunting. The third and fourth paragraphs in particular.

Aaand, the repetition is fantastic. Added onto the short fragmented thoughts it really pulls the piece together nicely.