careful what you wish for

as I stepped from the train

and onto the platform

I was a schoolgirl again

my handbag transformed at once

into a clunking backpack

my carefully chosen clothes

now an uncomfortable uniform

my shoelace coming undone

like a child’s

you stood at the end

watching me bemused

like you used to in class

and I felt so small

so foolish

and when we met

that old awkwardness 

lingering as before

I felt the same

yet after all this time 

I should have been

a different person

to the one you once knew

later

to my surprise 

you told me you danced

and it seemed to me

that night we indeed danced

through words, through memories

waltzing ever closer

to danger

not unwanted

our words seeped under

each other’s skin

both stoking our egos

and other dark, carnal urges

the alcohol loosening our tongue

and my brain

I felt undone

my sensibility in tatters

pushing the line

just that little bit further

into insanity

so when we said goodbye

I had to kiss you

to prove to myself

it had happened at all

or maybe perhaps

it was just another

silly schoolgirl fantasy