the speaking silence

another defeat

I grab with both hands

pressed close to the heart

so tightly it tears the skin

bury it deep inside

under vital organs and arteries

behind pulsing pathways

where the eye cannot see

did you do the same to the poem?

was it torn to shreds

with sweaty, embarrassed palms

or flushed down the toilet away

so I smile- against all instincts

fighting cheek muscles desperately

that when you see me I seem happy

together we wipe out today in a blink

fooled by anxious oestrogen

and an over active imagination

forgetting you lacked that vital gene

or whatever makes me who I am

beautiful, practical you

entombed by post-it notes

and neatly labeled diagrams

calmly pushes love out the window

where it lays with broken wings

on the pavement below

yes it was cruel, I know

but I drew some pleasure today

seeing tears spill down your face

knowing that you could be 

as vulnerable as you made me

I would have kissed them away

if you’d have let me