excuses

I went to take 

a book back

-Schumann sonatas 

to the old library

last night

I stayed late

and took them apart

note by note

on every other piece

the piano mewled

but on Sonata in G minor

it sang from its guts

cadence after cadence

each more imperfect

than the next

to empty my head of you

but of course

the old library

and of course

Schumann

to bring me 

on a roundabout way

as close to your

presence as I could get

knowing

I would pass

your bike locked up 

so strong and proud

-now just metres from you

I wanted to touch

the handlebars

still cooling hours

after your touch

cruel metal

cogs and spokes

and wheels

and bolts

more living and warm

than you could

possibly be

if we met right now

but I dragged myself

away

into Easter

into the unknown

and to unknowing

and forgetting

silencing our shimmering

spring from a year before

but nothing can silence

the sorry that echoes

round the walls of my mind

and under the door of your office