I'm Back

The phoenix is hatching

     My final grades have posted. I got an A in both classes. At this point, I feel lost. I really do not know what I went to school for. I feel somewhat lost without it. I would be lost even more if I continued to attend and build up more debt for no reason. 

     I was lead to believe that school was going to better my life. The country has been force fed to believe that it was the best thing to do and everyone fled to college. Did everyone know the reason? No. 

     As University of Phoenix keeps asking me if I am considering continuing, I keep my mouth shut because I am exhausted from telling them no. I look at my house and become exhausted because it has been ruined from lack of maintenance. I am exhausted from cleaning up after the unnecessary maintenance. I sit in my house alone in silence with my dogs as my only audience wondering where all the good men are. I think about how many people treated me like garbage and that I am single because I am filtering out all the bad people. I have never been married. I am done with school because my life fell apart because I could not drop what I was doing. I am single because I could not stop what I was doing. 

     I have been doing nothing but cleaning up everything. I spent four hours refinishing the bedroom floor that reeked of body odor. I am learning to be extremely biased. I have to reorganize my cupboards and I have some stuff on the house to repaint. I still have a hole in the front yard to fill. I have to redo a sidewalk because it is dangerous to mow in that area. 

     Every day I have to be reminded of how much heart ache I am in. Even though I dumped Paul, his stupidity lingers in my house. I keep finding letters that I wrote to him telling him to leave that I never gave him. I watch the videos and look at the pictures of the damage in awe in how much I have cleaned and fixed. I am reminded all the time that I do not want another soul living in my house, but I still have to find a new room mate. This is going to take several months because I have to be beyond bias. 

     The time off was wasted on things that I was prevented from resolving. I remember how much I hate it here every time I go outside or go online. My house smells like cat waste. I have the sloppy left overs of people I knew before stalking me. I had to block one because he was trying to manipulate me into going out with him. That is another thing. Many men have shown disrespect for me getting an education. This tells me that they want me to be a home maker...that is not me because I am independent. 

     What is my calling in life? Do I want to put on a cape and save the world? I want to educate the world. Another Great Depression is coming toward us in a form of a tsunami. People are ignoring it. I want to tell people of the three dumbest mistakes I have made. Bought a house where there is no work, dated an a*****e, and went to school when a degree lost it's worth.  

Reviews

[Jackson Lai]

Good writing!!!