Who I Am

Transitional periods in life

  Sometimes I feel the need to explain myself. My whole life I had been under the wrong impression of everything.

  How so? Well, I will let you in on a little secret. As I grew up, I was on medication. I grew up going to a special education class. I had an opportunity to drop it. I don't know why I didn't. Oh yeah, I grew dependent on the answers. They gave the answers away on the tests. I was on anti-depressants and I didn't know why.

  I yelled at people on a regular basis. I had the need to fight back. People bullied me and I was stuck on meds? I had no idea what I was on or why. When I understood, I was not happy with my parents. My faith in teachers and doctors had been diminished. I was in special ed because I was "Severely and mentally disturbed."

  Explain that one to me. If I was disturbed I would be in a clinic on a regular basis, wouldn't I? If it were up to me, every single person should be on meds. People get pissed off all the time. Just because we are not laid back, doesn't mean we need to be on anti depressants. As far as I am concerned everyone has ADHD.

  I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I spent the longest time trying to be the outcast. I didn't want to be like everyone else. Follow the path. Be a housewife. Be in the army but don't go over seas. I didn't belong in special education. I was too intelligent for that. I didn't belong with the homeless, I think they live on the street for a reason. I don't belong with hippies, stoners, ravers, party animals, losers, nerds, athletes, or snobs. I was a mixture of all. I am my own person.

  People try to get me to be like them. Everyone tries to rule my life. I don't want to be like you. I don't want to dress like you. I don't want to party like you do. I have no interest. Does that make me disturbed?

  I want to move. I want to leave. Now, I try to find a place where I belong. Maybe it is in the stars who I be. I am a Leo. I am a leader, yet I don't want to be anyone's boss.

Author's Note

a little inspiration of confusion had happened, I'm sorry

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

I hear ya. I'm a Leo too. Vintage now, but a child of dissociative criticism and toxic chaos, meanings bootstrapped, muscularly, fiercely. To some degree, perhaps ever thus for the innately creative individual, one who cannot embrace extant norms, even if it were any temptation to do so, for illusory comfort, due to the effin' food being poisoned, as it were.

A spontaneous thought occurs that resumes and the reviewers thereof should focus on personhood, the travails, the glories, as much as skill sets and experience. The bustling world process tends to act like we are all expendable toss-offs -- in the service of what, exactly? Sawdust suitboy hubristic greenback exploitation?

Touching direct exposition, yours. O and hey, no lie, I do astro-charts, and a poetic handling of the data can provide a useful core navigational guide on troubled or tranquil seas, so let me know if you're interested. I just do it from time to time out of interest in creative people's processes. Cheerz!

[Ralphy]

Life has so many avenues but people seem to think they know what's best for you. It's really strange how we get lost in everyone else's world but it's not ok to get lost in our own.
As your story swayed my journey, I saw you life in bold colors. Your pain and suffering that was controlled by forced medication, which robbed you of that most precious moment.
And why wouldn't you roar at people, when you being held back, striped of your free will to think.
Your writing moved me and was well written. I guess what they really didn't know is you have more than a half of brain.

[Deborah Shepard]

Beauty inspiring journey ..so sorry hugs