What I Miss

     I quit going to church when I was 13. I had attended random services. When I was 18, I went to a midnight Christmas service with my boyfriend Andrew. When I was 22, I was invited to Sunday service by an individual who regularly visited Pizza Pipeline. Other than that, I have been to church for funeral services. 

     I don't know what I would want or what I could have when I die one day. I am not a religious person and I probably never really was one. I don't know if I will ever get married, but would I want a holy matrimony? I am not a religious person. 

    I used to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. When I was 13, my parents got a divorce. I didn't see the point because they were not going and I could not remember the last time they attended. I know that they did go and some of their friends were from church. They were fun people. 

     I remember one person I disliked in particular. Her name was Aurelia and I thought she had a terrible attitude. She made me cry often. She worked at my elementary school and made me cry there as well; she was a nasty person. My friend Shanda was always there to cheer me up. My parents were friends of her parents.

     Sometimes, we would go there for dinner and to play. I remember when they had a hot tub and my parents visited one day to try it out. I don't know what else because they made us children go do something else. 

     The church had activities for people of all ages. When I was a child, they had something that was similar to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. Of course, my family was low income and could not afford that luxury. So, I was in Caravans.

     Caravans were similar to the scout programs. We had sashes and badges to earn. I learned to macramé, read constellations, cook, and memorized Bible verses.  For each verse we learned, a badge was earned. For each craft or domesticated task we learned, a badge was earned. 

     I kind of lived for it. I remember making excuses for church. I would get upset because I thought that my homework would get in the way of church. Eventually, I grew out of that phase. I started to go to Teens. 

     In the teen’s group, we hung out and did all sorts of fun activities. My mother used to help with the group when I was a kid. I used to peek in to watch the teenagers after Caravans. Sometimes I would go in and participate. 

     I remember when the girls at church had a sleep over. I cannot remember who hosted it, but the boys were not supposed to know about it. It was supposed to be just us girls. We had some fun and played. At some point, there was a loud noise outside that made us girls shriek. One girl went into the bathroom and suddenly began to scream. The toilet seat had Vaseline all over it and it was covered in plastic wrap. Evidently, the boys found out and decided to play some pranks. We tried to get revenge, but I think we failed. 

     I kind of miss going out with church groups. We would go to Mrs. Kilgore's house and have water balloon fights. She probably had the largest backyard in Emmett. She had the coolest tree house that I always played in. Winter was the best part of all.

     Every winter, we would go to some house out in the country. We would go on a hay ride while the chaperon sang funny songs and told funny stories. After the hay ride, we would go in for snacks and cider. I had a chance to socialize with people I was familiar with. Some of the teens were my classmates and I always enjoyed hanging out with them. 

     I haven't had this much fun since I was a teenager. My world kind of darkened from real life and the downside of divorce. I never really planned on going back because I know I would not fit in. My heart isn't into going to church or singing songs from the Hymn. I always felt silly singing in church. 

     There are few people who are devoted to worshiping Jesus and God. I know there are some who go to please others. There are so many fake people in a church. Some lie, cheat, and steal. Some even rape children and there isn't always marriage involved. I am not motivated to attend any type of church and I am glad that nobody pushes me anymore or questions it.