Confirmed

Why do people keep telling lies when it is evident someone knows the truth?

     Even when you understand information, it will still come as a shock. When Ahmed left for Iraq, I read about the history of his country for comfort. The situation dug at me and I was in severe pain for another weekend. I was lied to by people who should have been a friend. I was confronted by a complete stranger who deserved a knuckle sandwich.

     An article caught my eye one afternoon. It was about a man in Saudi Arabia who instantly divorced his bride upon seeing her face. It made me think of Ahmed and I began to wonder what made his culture so different from Saudi Arabia. Instead of leaving him, I wanted answers. I wanted to be comforted. I needed a shelter from this awful storm. Something had to convince me that running away was not the answer.

     I searched for information about Iraqi marriage traditions. The only articles that turned up were the ones about the high suicide rate of women who were married off as children. I did not see one article stating if men committed suicide as well. I did find some articles that stated that it is an Iraqi custom to get married to their cousins and that their parents make the decision.

     It sounded to me like something that happens here. I have read that children are married off to their uncle in a polygamist colony. What really upset me was that it was a cousin. He told me that his cousin was at his house. His cousin was the spouse. I feel like a knife had been run deep into my chest. I thought about how I would feel if Ahmed got her pregnant. My heart began to hurt.

     To make matters worse, I felt that his friend Omar betrayed me and caused drama. He was the one who posted the pictures where everyone could see them. I tried so hard to make peace with him, but I could not. I did not have very many friends. Ahmed told me I could make friends with him. Omar was supposed to be a friend and he was not.

     Omar was hanging out with one of his friends. I asked Omar how his friend was doing. He started laughing at me and I asked why I cannot ask about him. He said that him and Krista were not together anymore. I asked, "Who?"

     A slew of excuses came from Omar. He claimed he misunderstood, but I knew he understood. I was infuriated. Not only did Ahmed see some other girl, it was a girl I stated clearly that I did not want to share him with her. She went for it anyway because she was a s**t. She crossed the line after I told her already to leave me alone and that I did not want her involved in my life.

     I said the nastiest things I could to Ahmed. I wished that ISIS did capture him and behead him. I told him I hoped that he died from her AIDS. I told Omar what a piece of crap he was for hiding information from me once again.

     Omar told me that I need to be patient and wait. Wait for what? To hear about how many other girls he was having sex with? I told Ahmed I could not afford for him to be doing this. I had no time or patience. Insurance was expensive. Health care is expensive. Medication was expensive. I work full time and had many things to take care of. I had no time to take care of myself let alone someone else who wants to be irresponsible and disrespectful.

     Ahmed told me that I need to calm down. He told me that he would stop talking to me if I did not stop saying mean things. What did he expect? Did he actually expect me to be nice? I was completely ignored. How belligerent can you be?

     I have seen how Arab girls respond to their cheating and abusive husbands. They take it as though they cannot do anything. I'm an American and I am going to be in someone's face. I do not have to be nice. You hack me off and you are going to hear about it and I am going to make you feel bad for what you did. There is a reason for that. It is so you do not make the same mistake ever again. You would be lucky if I ever spoke to you again.

     Why put me through this stress? All cultures are the same. The response, however, is going to be different.

     I felt like I was deceived by everyone. I deleted a handful of people from my friends list online. I deleted Omar because he withheld so much information. I deleted the people I worked with who were suddenly friends with Ahmed. I felt that somehow they were involved with this garbage with Krista.

     I never felt so alone in my life. I never hurt this bad before. I felt as though everyone had stabbed took a knife and stabbed me at the same time. I wanted so badly to hurt everyone. It probably wasn't what it seemed. I thought Liz had made Josh vanish because of her drama, but Josh was actually locked away in prison. 

     I was so pissed at them. I told Ahmed to watch out for them. I have seen them at their worst and most incompetent. I have witnessed her, and other coworkers, bully one of our supervisors to the point that she had to be moved to another team. She even would plan an event and bailed each time. 

     I told Ahmed that he could not trust these people. I told him exactly what I had witnessed while working with them. He wanted one of her puppies, but I told him that she would probably bail. 

     Even after this incident, even after the deceit, I remained with him. Yet again, I had given up. I only knew that all men were cheating on their wife. There are more men than women in Idaho and it made it easy for everyone to participate in infidelity. The only thing I could think of is that I needed to get rid of the house and leave Idaho.