Life Story

     Seven years ago, I ended up in the emergency room with a kidney stone. I drove myself to the hospital. Nobody knew I was there. I drove myself home and stopped to get sushi on the way. I never let it phase me. It was another situation where I knew I didn't have any friends who would be there for me. I would probably die alone and nobody would know until three months after.

     Seven years later and five months into the new job, I ended up in the emergency room again for the same thing. Only this time, it was worse and in a different town. Everyone is far away and busy. I send different people a message at between 3:00AM and 5:00AM letting them know I was in the emergency room. The only person to come was my mother.

     Ahmed was one of the first people I sent a message to. His response was not as empathetic as it should have been. He told me that it was because I do not drink water. I did drink water; I just had a condition that existed for several years. I never did anything about it because I found that doctors lack professionalism when it comes to your kidneys. He never came to visit and all he could say was that he was sorry and he was busy.

     I had to have surgery and went through quite a bit of stress from four different health establishments. I had another surgery two months later. Because of the unprofessional health care providers, I was afraid for my life. I had nobody to talk to about it.

     Ahmed was busy during my second surgery. He supposedly had an exam that week. Before my surgery, his drinking habit was infuriating me. He was so drunk one night that I was crying.

     Alcohol: the problem of every culture. It is the common problem, especially when they are here. One of his friends asked me why I was crying. I told him, same situation different man. I was angry because nobody cared about me. Nobody wanted to be with me.

     I was also concerned with his latest behavior. He was worried about getting deported. I asked him a bunch of questions. Did you threaten someone? Did you pull a knife on someone? Did you hit someone? Did an officer get involved? Did you get a ticket? No, but they said they would do something.

     I told him there was nothing to worry about if there were no police. He still waited to hear or see something. Everyone told him not to worry. I didn't hear anything further about it. His drunken behavior worsened.

     Ahmed would get drunk and sometimes he overdid it. This one night was worse than ever. It made me really depressed. This happened to me every single time. As he stumbled, I grew more frustrated.

     I got dressed up for no reason. I got nervous about meeting new people. There were new people who were hyper and were trying to drag me off to dance. I can't just do that. My trust in humans was gone. I just had surgery a week prior, so I was in pain and I just wanted to sit. Watching him was unbearable.

     He couldn't talk or move. His friend continued to speak to me. I felt upset. I felt as though it was hopeless.

     As he lay on the couch, I went online. I changed my relationship status to married. I posted that I was married to myself and that I felt disappointed. After giving him a hug and rubbing his bleeding hand he got from arguing with his friend, I left. My hope was that I was with a real man for once only to find that he was just like the rest of them. Everything was only going to get worse...and it did.