Resuscitation

Temporary hope.

     I went through many phases in my life that caused me to lose trust in people in general. Every time I took a stab at dating, I was burned every time. I was burned before and after I got a house. I was burned before and after I got a dog. I tried dating sites and I think they all need to be banned. Because all the websites do is encourage infidelity.

     I gave a dating site yet another try. Once again I am bombarded with cheesy one liners and a bunch of people who made my skin crawl. I had to put up with some loser who thought it was funny to stalk me. The person I was seeing at the time was on the lookout for me on the dating site. I was certain he was seeing other girls on there.

     Just as I was about to give up, a dark and handsome fellow sent me a message. We communicated for a little while even though his profile said that he was a dick. I finally agreed to meet with him.

     He said his name was Ahmed and that he was from Jordan. We met at IHOP. I was a little nervous because I was still seeing someone. This was a situation that had to change because the man was already spoken for.

     We had ice cream and spoke for a little bit. Then we went to get a couple of cigars and we smoked them in his car. He asked if he could kiss me. It had been years since anyone had kissed me. We kissed and I began to feel more nervous. I knew it wasn't going to be anything serious because nobody ever wants a serious relationship with me.

     I began to think about how inconvenient my situation was. I was with the other man for about two years. I could never go see him. He could come see me and he never stayed. He was never available when I needed him. All I ever did was suspect that there was someone else. I was especially suspicious when he accused me of cheating when I was not.

     Ahmed and I continued to communicate. I am very good at asking questions and even better at using my resources to understand the truth. He eventually told me that he was from Iraq.

     I had already explained on my profile that I was not there to play. As usual, someone ignored what is written. At first, I never really wanted to hang out at Ahmed's house.

     Eventually, I gave in. He complained about all kinds of things. Cultural difference was all it was. Cleaning habits are completely different and I had reason to believe that he never adjusted to American culture. I tried really hard to cater to what he wanted, but it was virtually impossible for me to do. There was so much that he did not understand and I was worried about the fact that I was suddenly seeing him. The more I spent time with Ahmed, the more I slipped away from the other person I was with.

     I got even more worried because accidents happen and they happened in this situation. At the time, he was asking for help on an assignment he was working on for college. He was trying to find someone that was part of some historical event. My father was the only person I knew that was part of the police action Vietnam.

     We went to my father's house. He interviewed my dad. We left and argued all the way back to my house. He wanted to know my medical records, which were none of his business. We were not even married or dating. I have long grown tired of playing the free physician for men, so I declined to provide proof of a clean record.

     I thought we were done. The thing about Ahmed is that he does not quit communicating with you. This was something that I was not used to. I learned a huge difference between American and Arabic culture.

     Men in America pretend to be interested in a relationship. They use me one way or another. Then they quit answering my calls or texts. They typically marry some other girl or they were already married to begin with.

     Ahmed and I bickered frequently. He did not cease communication with me. In fact, when we took a brief break, I thought he meant for good. I went back to the original man I was with before because I felt I made a mistake leaving. Ahmed began talking again and got pissed off because I went back to the other man. He said that I cheated. What he did not understand was that normally men leave me for good. So, I never cheated on him to begin with.

     What was once frozen was warmed up by Ahmed. I don't think he will ever understand this, but he became a special person in my life. It was everything he said or spoke about. He said beautiful things. He had interesting and sad stories to tell. I learned so much and loved a culture more than I did previously.

    Every time I was around Arabs, I was always being given food and drinks. I thought it was funny because Americans do not do that. I wasn't even hungry or thirsty and they kept on giving me stuff. There is nothing wrong with serving guests. I was just not used to it.

     Perhaps it has something to do with the feminist movement here? I remember when I was a child, my mother was a housewife. When I was about 13, I was taking care of myself. My parents divorced and my mother had to become independent so she could be financially stable.