The Writer

The only thing I was allowed to do.

     As I grew up in Emmett, I participated in random activities. I was in choir, drill team, and I was in a couple of plays. There were times that I fought with my parents. I often fought with my mother about what my future is going to be. I never really wanted to speak to her about it.

     I felt that I could not trust anyone with information about my interests. I felt like my privacy had been invaded by every aspect of my life. As I grew older, I also discovered that my parents spoke behind my back. They discussed everyone's side of the story, but not mine. In most cases, people who were supposed to be my peers gossiped about me. Why would I want to speak about my future with anyone?

     I was a Freshman at Emmett High when I joined drill team. My parents were just getting a divorce. Needless to say, I had to drop drill team. I was pretty much on my own and my parents could not afford it. 

     I was in from my Freshman year to Sophomore. I did not get along with the teacher because she was pushy and put everyone inches away from each other. Most of the students I was within breathing distance from were tone deaf. I could not read music and the entire thing crushed my spirits. I flunked out of the class. When I did, my mother said, "I didn't want you doing that anyway." 

     There were times when she missed my performance in choir and plays. This normally happened when we fought. Then she had the brass to ask me what I want with my life. Since I felt it was all about what she wanted with my future, I got angry and began to argue with her. There were many incidents where the man in her life would get involved in the fight. 

     The truth is that I wanted to entertain everyone. I wanted to be an actor. No outlet existed at the time. Mom would recommend being an usher instead of going to try outs. I knew that hope did not exist and I was not interested in anything else. There was rarely anything to try out for and Mr. Schneider was more obsessed with was making sure his son was playing the part of every actor. Auditions for anything other than plays did not exist nor was there an education for it. 

     Eventually, she kicked me out. I was 16. I was writing a story for my creative writing class. I normally took a break by playing games on the computer. This caused an argument because I should have been working on my homework instead of playing Leisure Suit Larry. Rocky also got involved with that fight. Mother called my dad and screamed at him about how much she wanted me out of the house. 

     I moved into my father's house and ended up going to Borah. I still had ties in Emmett, but they were gone in a heart beat. I was going to be a gypsy in Man of La Mancha and I was turned into a make-up artist because I would have had to commute. My step dad told my friends that I was no longer there and nobody tried to call me in Boise nor were they given a new phone number. Rocky also deleted a story I was working hard on further destroying my hopes for any future. 

     It all ended as soon as I moved to Boise. There was nothing. I no longer had the peers I knew. I no longer had a creative writing class. I was stuck in special education in the corner of an art class. I was told that since I was not in previous drama classes, I could not be in the drama class in Boise. I was automatically an outcast since I was from a small town. No chances were given because I was "disabled."