Tangarine

I held up one finger and pouted towards him. He inched the tangerine towards his mouth to taunt me all while his eyes shone bright with amusement. My eyes grew wide as I half smiled and faked a gasp with disbelief.I swear babies were dropping and stars were being erased into a non-existence as he plopped the tangerine into his mouth.  He raised his eyebrows with a smile in question as my eyes narrowed and frowned. I huffed towards his direction and faced the front where Ms. Lucky was still chatting up a storm.

I could feel Zack's amused glances and not once did I turn my face towards him, even if it took every nerve in my system to not. Twenty-five minutes passed and fourth period was done, I packed my things slowly (knowing he always took his time) . Loading my pencil case I looked up to see his hazel eyes still shining bright with humor. I wore an expressionless face and stayed silent, part of my facade see, 'wink wink.' I then turned on my heel and sashayed towards the halls and to the back quad, without needing an invitation he followed along.

"You aren't mad."

"How do you know?" I said in a monotone voice.

"Because," he turns me to face him and with his one hand he slowly opened which presented a lovely, supple, bright orange tangerine."I have this!"

"Ooo give me!" I reached out to grab it thinking he'd freely give it to me, but as fast I pulled in he pulled out.

"Not so fast! That's not the one I want you to get." Putting his hand high above his head.

"Huh?" My face was etched with total confusion. All I saw was one tangerine. I looked in his other hand and opened it, unraveling the hand he smiled and shook his head. I rose one eyebrow and tried to snatch away the tangerine as fast as I can. Knowing the predictable he backed away with his hands behind his back, still he shook his head and smiled as if in a "I don't think so" move. It was like ninjas in full combat, I would attack and he would defend as quickly as I did."GRAWR?! Give me the damn tangerine!"

"You did not just 'grawr' at me." He laughed

"Fine." I started to walk away but he took my hand and pulled me towards him, so close I could feel his cool breathe of…tangerine? Well we were eating them in class.

"The one I want you to get is," he pointed towards his mouth."Here." I stared wide-eyed and just stood. It felt like an eternity as we just stared into one anothers eyes. I hesitantly said.

"C-can I have it?"

"Of course." He softly spoke. I looked into his gentle eyes wondering what he saw in mines, I inched slow and steady. Stopping mid-way I glanced into his eyes once more not feeling so sure. He closed in and as my eyes drooped with the feel of his warm lips. I felt his mouth part subtly, I slid in and the moment was infinite as the taste of sweet-tangy-tangerine was forever engraved into my mind as my tongue lolled back and forth feeling, tasting, and searching. It wasn't until I was able to retrieve the tangerine the bubble around us popped.

"AYE! CUT IT OUT!" I heard a man yell across form the quad and the tangerine stayed where it was and we stood apart in a flash. We quickly walked away heads down.

"Oh my god who was that?!" I whispered breathlessly

"No idea but he seriously killed our moment." Zack said shaking his head, hand behind my back.

"No kidding." I said short of breath.

Reviews

[Max Murphy]

Do not be offended by any critique I give, it is by no means a personal attack and is aimed to assist you in improving your writing. The fact I am reviewing, means I like your writing.

'erased into a non existence' > non-existence should be hyphenated, although it is two words it is spoken as one.

'Ms. Lucky was STILL chatting up a storm' > remove the capitals and put the word 'still' in italics, it emphasises the word in the same manner but isn't too obtrusive and forceful on the reader.
'Even if it took every nerve in my system to NOT' > as above.

'part of my facade see, wink wink' > wink wink should be in single quotes, e.g. 'wink wink', it references a direct action and is a form of communication outside of the main body of text, it isn't strong enough to warrant full speech marks but the quotes will give it more emphasis.

' "Because," He turns me to face him' > 'He' doesn't need a capital letter, the text after the dialogue dictates it to be all one sentence so a lower case letter is required.

' "Huh?" Confusion was etched on my face totally confused' > you've stated the same point twice here, either remove the last two words or maybe place a comma after 'face' and rephrase the last part, e.g. 'confusion was etched on my face, utter confusion.'

There very few commas in this piece, the sentences seem to either run as one single line, or terminate mid-way through a subject. Adding some commas to tie the sentences together gives the writing more fluidity and gives you more freedom to write longer sentences without tiring the reader or babbling.

This is a nice nostalgic story, and catches the wonders of love/lust in one of it's many forms, it's competently written and displays some nice parts of true emotion without going 'Teen TV' overboard.

Good work. Max.