Love's Desire

This short story is about a man who tries to save his marriage, tries to get his wife to change her adulterous ways, before it's too late. A sick twist of fate may give him his way.

LOVE'S DESIRE

 

 

        "I'm going out with Sharron and the girls again," Amelia called from the doorway of their home.

        Jack Cautering peered out from the kitchen into the hallway, a  black and red pin-striped dishtowel in one hand, and a clean, wet wine glass in the other. He gazed towards the front door where his wife was slipping on a pair of black open-toed high heels. Her thigh-length black coat was buttoned high, refusing him a glimpse of her clothing underneath. A seed of anger welled up within him, but he hid it well with an adoring smile plastered on his face--the same smile that he'd given her countless times before, only it had been genuine then.

        "It's awfully late..." he tried gently. It was 9:30 at night and they'd just finished with dinner. How could she be leaving him now? Did she really think him that stupid? "I was hoping maybe we could...hop in the shower together?" He enticingly arched one brow, wondering if she would take the bait.

        Amelia looked up at him and flashed him a silly smile. Fake was all his mind registered it as. "I know, Honey, but it's Saturday.... You know Sharron likes to have her girls' night out." She looked away as she said this, busying with her hair and makeup in a tiny, oval mirror hanging on the gold and tan striped wall. Her dark hair hung in wavy curls down to the small of her back, and he was torn between telling her how beautiful she was, and grabbing her by her wrists and demanding she tell him the truth. "Besides, it's only twice a month. What harm could I possibly get into?" A bubbly giggle escaped from her lips, and she fumbled while slipping on a dangly whitegold earring.

        What harm, indeed. Seething, Jack forced another smile. "Well, try not to stay out too late." Without another word between them, the front door shut, and the crack in the middle of his heart grew another inch.

        Jack had learned of Amelia's affair just over a month ago, when he'd read a text message on her phone one night after she'd come home from her supposed girls' night out. While she had been showering, she'd gotten a not-so-subtle compliment from her secret lover on her curvacious attributes, and apparently the way she'd used them. He had been crushed, confused, defeated, and had deftly rolled away from the light of the bathroom, pretending to be asleep.

        Four years they'd been married now. Could they really be having this problem? She was his highschool sweetheart; they'd been through everything together. He'd been certain that things were perfect between them. They had the typical American-dream life. He was a criminal law lawyer, she was an editor for a successful magazine. They had a new, lovely two-story home, a white picket fence, an infinite supply of  neighborhood friends. They had also been trying for children for almost a year now.

       But now he wondered. Now he wondered why they'd been so unsuccessful at getting pregnant. According to the doctors, they were both healthy and able. Was she lying to him? Was she taking some form of birth control that he was unaware of? Was she taking it because of her secret lover? He had almost driven himself mad, searching through the phone records to see for how long and how often she'd been calling her lover. 

        The bitter resentment welling up inside him boiled over, and he flung the wine glass across the room, watching it shatter into thousands of tiny pieces against the wine-red kitchen wall. This did nothing but fuel his anger.

        Tears welled up in his eyes, and he leaned his forehead against the dark trim of the doorframe. Hurt, agony, and confusion churned in the pit of his stomach, and he racked his brain once again to figure out where he'd gone wrong, what he had or hadn't done that hadn't been good enough for her.

        Outside, a storm began that equally matched the one brewing within him. He jogged out of the kitchen and up the mahogany stairs to their bedroom. Its soft, warm, earthy hues reminded him further of her. They'd spent hours together picking out the colors for the master bedroom, and  though he'd wanted a deep, reddish-maroon color, he hadn't been able to resist her large, chocolate puppydog eyes as she'd adorably begged him to use her colors of choice. The room matched her, as did the chestnut comforter and caramel pillows that covered their king-sized bed.

        With a deep sigh, he stripped and mindlessly threw his clothing on the plush cream-colored carpet. The bathroom was chilly as he entered it and flipped on a dim overhead light. The tiling in the bathroom matched their bedroom, but had touches of a reddish color that Amelia had thrown in, just for him. He shook his head sadly and turned on the shower.

        The powerful blast of hot water did little to help soothe his nerves, and the silence only grew louder in her absence. As badly as he wanted her here in his arms, he wanted her out of his life for good. With the way things were going now, he had no doubt that she'd continue her affair.

        Jack was at a loss as to what to do. This time, tears streamed down his face, mixing in with the hot shower as his head hung low and a sob wrenched from his throat.

 

 

 

 

        So break me down if it makes you feel right...And hate me now if it keeps you all right. So break me down if it makes you feel right....And hate me now if it keeps you all right.

        Jack stirred from a deep sleep at the sound of his ringtone. He stared at the small, black cellphone for a moment, dazed, then looked up at the large, round clock hung high on their tan living room wall. 4:36 AM. He'd fallen asleep on their dark leather couch waiting for Amelia, and it was now cozy and warm beneath him. He yawned as his eyes began drooping closed again.

        So break me down if it makes you feel right...And-

        Jack's attention snapped back to his phone, and he quickly picked it up and answered with a groggy "Hello?"

        Time stopped, and the air in his lungs was suddenly wrenched away. For a moment, his heart stopped beating from the news the woman on the phone relayed to him in a gentle, yet mechanical voice.

        He sat for a moment, paralyzed, then bolted to his feet, grabbed his keys, shoes, and coat, and ran out the door.

 

 

 

 

 

        As Jack tore through the hospital doors, he looked around him, unsure of where to go. The entire scene seemed to be a dream, a stark nightmare of crisp, white walls that offered no warmth, and never-ending rows of hard, cold tile that seemed to reflect the entire chaotic scene above it in a surreal, heartless way. People passing by looked pale and tired, their weary faces full of pain and fear matching his. He grabbed a nurse near him, opened his mouth to ask where to go, but found that no words would come out, only a heart-wrenching noise as tears poured down his face.

        After a moment, he finally forced out a brief explanation, and she nodded and pointed him in the right direction. For a few agonizing minutes, Jack was terrified of what he'd see when he found Amelia in the ER. The nurse that had called him had informed him that Amelia had been in a terrible accident, hit head-on by a drunk driver. They weren't sure if she would make it through the night.

        He froze when he saw her through the hospital room's window, and time seemed to stand still. Her beautiful, silky black curls were now matted and soaked with blood. Her creamy, sun-kissed skin was unnaturally pale and bruised, and her long dark lashes that had always intrigued him now stood out in a sickeningly strong contrast against her ghostly cheeks. Her tiny body seemed fragile and broken.

        One of the nurses looked up at him, and Jack bolted for the door, wanting to be near his wife. A male nurse that was in the room intercepted him and asked him to wait in the waiting room. Jack begged the nurse to let him past, unaware that he was yelling frantically as he asked for her current state.

        A sickening sound immediately answered him. A flat, droning beep suddenly filled the air, and both men froze.

       Everyone seemed to react at once; the nurses and doctors appeared more frantic, and Jack struggled hysterically to push past the man to reach Amelia's side, screaming her name as if she could hear him. Suddenly, new hands were grabbing at him from behind, and the male nurse left Jack and dashed back to the operating table, shouting to get him out of the room.

        Jack gave up fighting as his knees suddenly gave way underneath him, and he collapsed to the floor, an anguished cry wrenching past his lips. The woman he'd known and grown to love more than life itself over the past 14 years was passing away, dying in front of his eyes. His heart clenched; tears streamed down his face.

        And suddenly, as if a gift from heaven, a new sound filled the air. A steady, rhythmic beating...her heart beat.

 

 

 

 

 

        Dozens of flower vases filled the quiet hospital room. Pale pink walls surrounded them, and Jack couldn't help but notice that they had more color than Amelia's ashen, sickly complexion. Her hand felt tiny and fragile, cold in his large, warm ones. Her breath came in slow, even puffs, and his heart seemed to beat with each one.

        Jack was tired. He'd been up all night, never leaving Amelia's side, but she hadn't woken up yet. He leaned back and stretched, rubbing a weary hand across the dark stubble on his face.

        A short, petite blonde nurse dressed in cheerful pink-and-blue scrubs walked in with a clipboard and smiled sympathetically at him. "How're you holding up, hon?" she asked gently, beginning to take Amelia's vital signs.

        Jack stood and walked to the window that overlooked a beautiful rose garden behind the hospital. Amelia would love it when she woke....if she woke.

        "Fine," was all he could say. What else could he have possibly said? That he was torn in too many different directions to count? His wife whom he loved more than anything in this world was lying in a hospital bed bruised and broken, all because she'd been hit by a drunk driver on the way back from an affair. How was he supposed to feel? He felt like an a*s for worrying so much for a cheating wife, and he felt like an a*s for hating her for putting them in this situation. He wondered who's fault it really was--was it hers for having an affair, or had he pushed her into it? Were they both to blame?

        No one had questioned why she'd been out on the road at that time of night, and logically, Jack knew that no one cared, but he couldn't help but feel like they were all staring at him with the single, menacing question in their eyes.

        After several minutes, the nurse finally left, and Jack turned to face the broken figure lying on the hospital bed that no longer resembled his wife's bubbly, full-of-life nature. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. What would they do now? The doctors expected a full recovery, but it would take time; time, and a lot of physical therapy. Could he do it? Could he be there for his wife who had emotionally left him a long time ago?

        He loved her, there was no doubt about that. But they were broken now; a part of him had shattered when he'd seen the text. Each time he saw her eyes turn blank when she said she was going somewhere, a little more of him crumbled away. Their relationship was in shambles, and he saw that now. Could they go back? Could he be strong enough for the both of them, and work through this?

        Would she even want to?

        He sighed and laid his head down onto the hospital bed, her hand held protectively to his cheek. He placed a single soft kiss against the cool flesh, and drifted off to a fitful sleep.

 

 

 

 

        A gentle caress against his cheek woke Jack. It took him a moment to recognize his surroundings, and his head snapped up to see Amelia's warm face smiling down at him.

        For a single moment, he allowed himself to pretend as if everything was all right, as if they weren't there because of her affair. His eyes held her gaze, then began to mist over, and his heart clenched.

        Amelia's smile faultered, and she dropped her hand from his cheek, her gaze sliding down to the white blanket covering her. "I'm sorry," she offered quietly, a single tear sliding down her bruised cheek.

        "Sorry?" Although Jack's tone was quiet and steady, she still winced. 'I'm sorry' sounded like a piss-poor thing to cover up for what she'd done. "Who is he?" He could see the panic flash in her eyes, and could almost hear the lie forming in her head. He quickly held up a hand. "No more lies, Amelia. I can't take it. If you have an ounce of love for me, just tell me the truth."

        She hung her head as her tears began to flow freely. "A friend from work." Her voice was tiny, a whisper, laced with guilt and shame. She quickly reached out and grabbed his arm when he jumped to his feet. "Please, Jack! I'm sorry-"

        "Sorry!" he shouted. He quickly lowered his voice, for fear of being repremanded again by the hospital's security. Still, he wrenched his arm free and iced her down with an agonized glare. "I have given you everything," he continued bitterly. Hard as he tried to avoid them, tears sprang to his eyes. He knew the raw, uninhibited pain in his heart was plastered openly on his face. "Fourteen years, Amelia. Fourteen years, I have given you! And you throw it all away? For what?!" He stepped back from her for fear of losing his temper. "Why. That's all I want to know...is why."

        For a long moment, they were both quiet. As angry as he was at her, as much as he felt his heart growing cold, he felt as if his entire life was hanging in the balance on that one, simple answer. "I don't..." she began, her head slowly shaking from side to side. Her tiny shoulders slumped forward and her hands covered her brusied, battered face. "I felt like something was missing...in me," she finally concluded. "Honestly, Jack, I don't know why I did it, other than I was just looking for something more."

        More? What could he have possibly given her more of? Jack was both confused and infuriated at the same time. "So you don't know what you're missing...but you're looking for it anyway--with someone else. But you don't know why." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

         She caught the underlying pain hidden within his words, irregardless. "Jack, I'm sorry," she tried again, cringing when fury flashed in his eyes. She quickly held up a hand to cut short the angry retort on the tip of his tongue. "I'm sorry, I am! I don't know what else to say."

        "Do you love him?" he asked quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

        She quickly shook her head, reaching for his hand again. "No, Jack. You're the one I love!" At his doubtful snort, she frowned. "I do love you, Jack. I always have. I made a stupid, stupid mistake. Please forgive me.... Please, let's work this out?"

        Her eyes were pleading and hopeful, and he felt as if a vice had been tightened violently on his heart. He loved this woman; this was supposed to be the mother of his kids. Even after all she'd put them through recently, he didn't really want to see her go. But he didn't know what decision he needed to make; he didn't know what was best for his own heart.

        Slowly, he slipped his hand from hers and turned his back to her, heading for the door of the hospital room. He barely heard her quiet, confused gasp. His hand paused on the doorknob, but he was unable to look back at her. His mouth opened to say something, but no words came out.

        Just as the night before, the door closed between them without another word, but this time it was Amelia's heart that shattered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

       Jack had gone home and spent a few quiet hours in their bedroom, holding a picture of him and Amelia smiling and laughing at a park during his family's annual picnic 6 years ago. He remembered the day clearly, as if it had only been yesterday. They'd participated in a 3-legged race and had failed miserably, coming in last place even amongst children, but he'd never had more fun in his entire life. She'd fallen on top of him and somehow managed to give him a bloody nose with her elbow. Even though he'd ruined his white polo shirt from the blood, he hadn't been able to stop laughing. Her horrified, worried gaze had warmed him, and he had more than allowed her to fret over him constantly.

        He couldn't help but smile as he remembered how she'd finally punched him in the arm when she realized all his pitiful moans and groans had been for show. Even though her cute little freckled nose had been wrinkled in idignation, he hadn't missed the warmth and love that had filled her eyes.

        Jack sighed and tossed the picture to the end of the bed. What had happened to lead them to this situation now? How had he been so blind as to miss something that big?

        She said she was missing something. He didn't know how to give her anything else. There was only one thing left to do. He had to speak to her one last time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

        When Jack returned to her hospital room, he saw Amelia sitting up in bed, her eyes red and wet and the sheet wrinkled and twisted in her hands. Her hair was disheveled; dark, black and blue bruises stood out in stark contrast against her pale skin. She looked worried, defeated, tired, and his heart went out to her.

        When she opened her mouth to speak, he blurted out, "I can't do this."

        He paused to let those words sink in for both of them. She blinked once, her eyes wide with horror and surprise. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. "I can't lose you for a second time," he continued after a moment.

        He didn't need to see her face to see her emotions; her gurgled cry of shock and relief said more than enough. He held up a hand to quiet her. "I don't know what else to give you, Amelia," he sighed wearily, moving to sit beside her on the edge of the hospital bed. He took her tiny hands into his, and met her gaze. "I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what more you need. All I know is that I love you, and as much as I hate you for this, I don't want to lose you."

        She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close, stiffling a tiny cry in protest of the pain in her head and chest. "This is what I was missing," she whispered wistfully.

        As they held each other in the silence, watching the sun slowly set through the tiny window, Jack finally realized that he, too, had been missing this feeling of closeness. Although they had been beside each other for so long, they'd drifted apart a long time ago.

        Jack placed a soft, gentle kiss on the top of her head. It would be hard, but they would make it through this. "I love you," he whispered quietly.

        "I'm pregnant," was how she answered.

Author's Note

This is just a piece that I recently started. What do you think thus far??
*Update* Okay...I've written a little more of the story now! All that's left is the ending...his ultimate decision. Go ahead, review away!! How would YOU like to see this end??? I'm very interested. ^.^ Let's see how many cynics & romantics we have out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Update #2* OKAY! I'm FINISHED!! ^.^ I don't know WTF I was thinking with the ending, but it gave me a little ROFL. I don't really know how I want to end it, but those two little words popped into my head and I couldn't resist putting them down. I MAY change them...but I may be lazy and allow the reader to wonder "Oh my Gods, what now?!?!?!" :O
:P Happily, it's at least an ending that I never thought of before.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I am really enjoying it... your attention to detail of scenery and feelings is wonderful... like when you mentioned her turning away as she said it... a sure sign of someone lying, your build up is great as you tell not only of where things stand now but glimpses of there thought to be life... I think it shows that even perfections has its ugly side. All in all a great start. I hope to see the finished product of this.

[.Bunnie.]

**To Denni** OH FAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLZ!! Hotel security wtf where did that come from!?!? LOLZ I will change it TY! I duno what the hell I got hotel from.... :P

[Denni]

i like it even more now! but i should probably point out in the new part you put " "Sorry!" he shouted. He quickly lowered his voice, for fear of being repremanded again by the hotel security." arent they in a hospital?
^^^^^^^^^

[Denni]

i really like this! i think that you should have a happy ending, cause those types are few and far between, and i also think that the text message from the other guy should be like someone stalking her or something. continue on! this is very good

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

WOW I am stunned by this wonderful piece of literature... you rally captured just how a tragic turn can change the whole out look on life and priorities.... that would be a tough decision to make and will certainly test his love... this piece i utterly real and many can relate in one way or another... you details made you really feel for this guy and that is the mark of great writing, when you can feel for the character.

[Psynexus]

And the plot thickens...

It's always interesting to see something like this, where you're torn between thinking "that's so sad" and "she got what she deserved". How do I want it to end, you ask? That's an easy one - however you want to end it. I will be content with anything as long as there is something to be learned.

Will she die, leaving him haunted by the memory of her text forever weighing in his conscious? Will she live and will they get back together, stronger through the shared pain of nearly losing the other? Or will she live and divorce him, reminding us that sometimes even a life-changing event won't change some people?

Here's my crtique:

The repeated line "So break me down if it makes you feel right...And hate me now if it keeps you all right." I assume this is from a song, but wasn't sure and was confused. Maybe point out what this is and why it's going through his head.

The line "And suddenly, as if a gift from heaven, a new sound filled the air. A steady, rhythmic beating...her heart beating." - beating used twice in close proximity. Maybe just change the final "beating" to "beat" or reword it.

The lines "Her breath came in slow, even puffs, and his heart seemed to beat with each one. Jack was tired. He'd been there for three days now, and she hadn't woken up yet." - there's a sudden gap there that took me by surprise. A better/less confusing transition to show the time that has passed would be helpful here.

Hopefully that'll help you out - I can't want to see what happens. Once again, well done. :)

[StoryTailor]

I loved it. It was incredible, there was a lot of emotions in it, and I got the feeling very clearly from the piece, congrats. I'd tip my hat... but I don't have one at the moment...

[Psynexus]

Very nice - it sounds oddly familiar somehow like it's following something you've experienced before. At the same time, I can say that I've felt what Jack is feeling too - the pain of loving and not having them return that love. I'm never been to the extreme that I was cheated on, but I've tasted the bitter sense of utter rejection he's going through.

I'm not sure if this is part of a full story or short story - it seems like it's bordering on the two - but whatever it is, it's good. My favorite part was the line "Without another word between them, the front door shut, and the crack in the middle of his heart grew another inch." Bulls-eye! That pretty much nailed that split-second emotion you get when you're faced with rejection.

Good stuff. Two thumbs up, high-five, gold star and a box of chocolates all for you! ^_^