Dear Death

A letter to the reaper,himself.

Dear Death,

It's days like this, that make me wonder if I will ever climb out of this Hell I am in. Though, it is indeed, a far cry from the days I truly desired for your total embrace. Now you may tell me I'm weak. You may tell me now,that I am a mere fool .
Have you ever felt so dead inside, you-in all your logic and rationale-STILL-could not find a reason to keep fighting?

Of course not-you're Death.
In the end, I found one. It wasn't a very good one- but it kept me here long enough to write these thoughts down.
My reason- I have created such a personal mess for myself, I would not want my family to have to pick up the pieces for me.
I would not want them to peer into my world and see what a destruction I've become. To have them shake their heads and see all that I've been running from.
Yet, you knock at my door every morning and try to convince me to take a simple walk with you. You fill my mind with promises of a better life than the one I have here.

"No more pain, Love-no more suffering. You'll never have to worry about anything earthly-ever again."
Everyday I make it to the door to answer- but I never come out to play. Now that I think of it- I'll never know why I do not partake in your offerings.
Maybe it's because I fell for this boy. maybe because I'm holding on to what dignity I have left. Maybe I'm too shallow and vain to let anyone see past my wounds, so I stay and live a life I'm never really sure I want. Everyday, I live with the little bit of fear, a little bit more of unstable hope.
If there is anything I DO know, it is this: I'm not really sure just why I am living. There is this tiny seedling of hope inside of me that tells me that my days of suffering are almost over.
But I've been hearing that all my life and here I am-still.
What day will it be that you no longer come to my door, asking me to step outside and never look back?

Sincerely,
Mishka.

Reviews

[Rob Santana]

What a powerful piece of writing Mishka. I understand and feel your pain with every word. My cycles of suffering have been overkill, so much stress and anxiety, yet like you I'm still here posted up. I refuse and do not have the luxury of quitting. I'm going to post this piece as the fisrt featured piece in MENTAL ESCAPE GROUP. Well done Mishka.

[mishka]

Thank You-Id be honored. Yes, I fight my depression,anxiety and ptsd-everyday I wake. and yes,we do not have the luxury of just "giving up". I attend therapy,religiously. I use what tools I have obtained from therpay, as well as a former group therapy to keep on the straight and narrow. I come here to post when my issues overflow.

[onyoche]

death would be honored by your poem..i find that u express beautifully the lure of death..if i could,i'd go before tomorrow..
well written