Like Berlin in the 80's

 

Chapter One

Audrey with a Pierced Lip

“I wish you could put your ear up to my heart
And hear how much I love you” – Mineral

 

Her room was white on white on white.  She kept the curtains open on the weekend.  The sun needed to creep into our lives more, she would say.  She liked the idea of seeing life outside of the window.  I never understood that completely because I only saw the red bricked building next door.  Over and over this topic came up of wanting to see life.  I couldn’t help but notice the dead plant by the window when she talked like that.  Only birds were heard outside today but she probably really enjoyed something like that.

Audrey had been awake for a while.  It was 11:30 and I had just woken up.  I’ve been sleeping later and later these days.  I think she painted early in the morning, or took pictures.  I’m not completely sure.  I was rarely awake then.  She liked being alone in the morning when she was the most creative.  I walked into the room with the sound of Etta James coming out of the speakers.  She listened to her a lot; her voice was hypnotizing she said.  Once I walked into the room I just sat down on the IKEA sofa she bought last year. 

“Good morning dear,” Audrey said in her usual loving way.  In my usual way I didn’t respond.  She was used to it by now.  For a long time she thought that I was upset with her for not responding.  But now she knows I just don’t talk a lot.  Not even to say good morning.

Audrey always wore small black rimmed glasses.  Her hair was at a jaw line length and curly black.  I didn’t like how she wore as much black as she did.  She wasn’t as goth as she looked.  Her warmth and ability to love was too big of a part of her personality for her to be a self-centered goth chick.  Audrey always wore those retro dark blue jeans.  Most of the time they were cuffed up on her leg as well, like they were today.  She also had her lower lip pierced.  I loved to see the looped ring against her dark red lipsticked lips.  They always made me want to kiss her.  I had to hold myself back a lot.  I should probably kiss her more but for some reason I don’t.

“Did you end up staying up late again last night?” she asked me while she was walking around in the kitchen doing something.  I couldn’t tell from the living room.

“Yeah,” I said.  I clicked on the television and turned the sound down low because I could tell that Audrey was in the mood to talk.

“I thought I heard you playing something last night.  Was it something new?”

“Yeah, it’s not very good though.  I’m not sure if I’ll really work on it much more.  I couldn’t get it to work out at all.”  I’ve been playing the guitar for five years.  I don’t think I’ve ever picked it up very well.  Audrey disagrees.  She thinks I’m the next Mozart or something.  I don’t really get it.  She’s always asking for me to play something for her while we’re lying in our old hard bed late at night.  Sometimes I will when I’m not too depressed.  I do like to see her smile and wrap her arm around me while I’m playing.  It’s hard to describe.  It’s just comfortable.  We should do that more.

"Maybe you can play it for me later so I can hear," she said.

"Yeah, maybe.  We'll have to see," I said, hoping that she might forget later.

I don’t know how I didn’t notice but Audrey decided to make pancakes this morning.  She had brought me a plate of them all ready and everything.  These days I don’t have to tell her how I like them.  She just knows; very little syrup and plenty of butter.  I guess she had some earlier because she didn’t bring herself any.

“Thank you babe.  That was so nice of you,” and then I kissed her on the cheek.  Now I know, I would have kissed her on the lips but I couldn’t reach that far and not spill my plate of pancakes on the wood floor.  I barely could reach her at all and I still almost dropped them.

Quietly I ate my breakfast with a sip of Sunny Delight every once and a while.  I didn’t like orange juice a lot so we didn’t buy it even though she liked it some.  But she liked Sunny Delight like I did so we just get that.  While I was eating, Audrey got up and walked outside to the balcony.  She still smoked.  I stopped a couple of years ago.  And I do bother her about quitting but not enough.  I really don’t like her doing it.  She doesn’t know how much I hate the taste of cigarettes on her breath when I kiss her.  That’s part of the reason why I don’t kiss her more.  Maybe I should tell her that.  That might help persuade her to cut down or even quit altogether. 

By the time she finished her Marlboro, I was finished with my pancakes.  She walked back over to sit next to me on her white sofa.  Once she was back, I had placed the plate on the table to the right of me.  She sat down, put her red toe nailed feet up on the sofa and curled up next to me.  My heart still skips a little when she does this.  I love the feeling of how safe she feels curled up next to me.  We were really quiet sitting there.  I liked comfortable silences.  You have to be really close to a person to be able to not say anything for a long period of time and not feel uncomfortable.

We sat there like that for a long time.  The television was still really quiet.  We were watching the images on it more than paying attention to what was on.  I didn’t notice Audrey’s tiny fingers slowly trickle across my three paper cut finger like it was.

“How do you get so hurt?” She gently asked.  I sat quiet for a while, not completely ready for that kind of question.

Then while still watching the television I said, “Staying happy is too tiring.”

She flicked her black hair back then said, “No, your finger silly.  You’re too deep some times dear.”  Part of me was embarrassed by the answer I gave.  I thought she was talking about how quiet I always was and thought I was depressed because of it, which is generally true.  Maybe she doesn’t know though.

Then I said, “Oh yeah that.  You know, I don’t know where those came from honestly.”  Audrey liked the strangeness about me like this.  She couldn’t understand how I could not remember how I had three different paper cuts on one finger, but I didn’t.

She curled up to me even tighter with a smile on her face and said, “You’re one strange guy Trent.”

“Yeah, I know.  At least I keep things interesting.”

“Yes, you definitely do that,” she said with her arm still wrapped around mine.  “Are you going to hang out with Bobby today?”

“I wasn’t really planning to.  Why,” I asked.

“Oh no reason,” she said casually.  Law and Order was on and it went to commercial.  Audrey lightly slapped my thigh then said, “Hey, why don’t we go out and do something today?  It’s nice out.”  I sat quietly, not saying anything.  With the look on my face she could tell I wasn’t too excited by the idea.  “Come on, let’s go.  You’ll have fun.  I promise.”  Audrey then kissed me with those lips.  I think it was feeling the lip ring on my cheek that convinced me to go.  I’m a real sucker for it.  I think she knows that.

I must say that I like to see Audrey when she’s excited.  There’s a glow about her at those moments that I can’t really describe.  She starts to talk a little too fast.  Sometimes she doesn’t make a lot of sense when she’s talking in those moments.  She’s only like that when she’s really excited.  She kind of stutters and stumbles through words.  I try to follow what she says but usually I just laugh a little and have her repeat herself. 

Before the show came back from commercials, Audrey had already put her shoes on and grabbed shoes and socks for me.  She even put enough thought into which shoes she’d grab of mine.  She knew that we’d be walking mostly so she grabbed my tennis shoes instead of my Chucks.

We lived in the Castro District of San Francisco.  We’ve lived in the same apartment since we decided to live together.  I moved into her apartment.  Hers was bigger and in a nicer part of town so it only made since.  I think Audrey was a little afraid to go to my place, especially late at night.  She doesn’t miss that place at all.  I don’t either.  I hope I never have to live in a studio apartment ever again.  Even when you own very little, it’s so small.  Or maybe that was just mine.  The Castro District is nice though.  It’s a lot better here.

Audrey let me walk out the door then closed it behind me so that she could lock it.  Sometimes she had a hard time closing the door and I’d have to help her but that time she closed it by herself.

“Let’s go to that bookstore,” Audrey said after we heard the deadbolt lock.  Audrey had a thing about still checking to see if it was locked.  I never understood that.  I mean, she heard it lock.  But she would still try to open the door.  It never opened.

“Which book store?”

            “You know, the one on Market Street?  The one real that’s close.”

            “Oh ok, I thought you were talking about Barnes and Noble.”

            “Oh no,” she laughed a little.

            I laughed a little too then said, “Yeah, I wasn’t up to going on the other side of town for a bookstore.”

            “Yeah, me either.  This bookstore is nice too though.  It’ll be fine.”

            I grabbed Audrey’s hand then asked her, “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

            “No, I don’t think so.  I’ll check and see if they have any new copies of my magazines.”

            “You and your magazines.”

            “Yeah, I know.  You have your thing.  I have mine,” she said just after she put on her big sunglasses that made her look slightly mod.  Then she turned to me slightly and smiled.

            I was glad that she convinced me to go out.  It was nice to go for a walk when the sun was out like it was this day.  For lunch I’d have to remember to find a place where we could eat outside.  It wasn’t too cold out for that.  We lived close to Books Inc. so the walk wasn’t very long, just a few blocks.  Quickly we separated after getting in there.

            “Don’t spend too much.  We have rent to pay you know,” I said.

            “Ha ha very funny.  I only went crazy here one time,” Audrey said while putting her sunglasses in her vintage purse and walking to the back of the store where the magazines were.  I tried not to follow her too much and find something interesting to look at.  I wasn’t big on bookstores since I didn’t read much.  I don’t have the patience for it I guess.  So I just roamed. 

            We were there for a little while.  I didn’t mind.  After all, I had nothing else to do.  We took our time walking up to Safeway. Audrey wanted to grab a handful of things.  We ate at the taqueria across the street from Safeway before we went shopping.  I was doing well the entire day.  The sun was out and there was a pleasant breeze coming in from the ocean.  It wasn’t until we started shopping in Safeway that things started to change.  We like shopping there because it’s one of the only grocery stores around that’s not disgusting.  But everybody else shops there too.  It was the fact that I kept getting bumped into in the aisle that did it that day.  I started to struggle breathing a little.  It was happening again.

            “Are you almost done,” I asked.

            “Not really.  I still have a few things to get.”  I didn’t respond but was clearly irritated by her answer.  She could tell.  “Why?  Did you want to go somewhere else too?”

            “I just want to go home,” I said while trying to stay calm.

            “We will.  Let me just grab a few more things,” she said in her soothing voice.

            “Can we hurry up at least,” I ask still irritated.

            She grabbed my hand and walked me into the next aisle over that didn’t have anybody in it then said, “What’s the matter babe?”

            I felt a lump in my throat like I was about to start crying simply from her asking but I didn’t and was able to quietly say, “It’s just this place.  I need to get out of here.”  Audrey wasn’t new to this situation.  She was used to it now. 

            Audrey got on her tip toes kissed me then said, “Ok, we’ll go.  Just let me grab two more things and then I’ll check out.  Meet me outside ok?  I won’t be long.  I promise.”

            I could only nod in agreement before I started to walk quickly out the automatic doors.  It felt a lot longer than it really was.  I’m glad I don’t wear a watch at times like that.  I would have been watching the second hand tick away, wondering if it was broke since it was moving so slowly.  Then I finally saw her walking out the exit.

            “OK, let’s go home babe.  Here, help me carry these,” and Audrey gave me half of the groceries.  Audrey continued to talk all of the way home while the sun was starting to set.  I think she wanted to occupy my mind with things besides what happened in Safeway.  It didn’t work that well, but I don’t mind the effort.  Not many do that for me.

Reviews

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I never click on the "story", I like poems better. Shorter. I clicked this by accident and the first couple of lines caught me and I read it all. Trent and I have alot in common. So much I think we r the same person except I'm female. Anyway, looking forward to chapter two. I hope its available.