Broken Vow

Challenge One for Mokey

 

When you need the day to move like sap down an old pine tree, day’s end arrives far too soon.  Today I hoped that there would be a way for me to be able to avoid going home somehow.  I don’t really know how that’d be possible but I still hoped.  At five o’clock I’m usually seen closing the door to my office; not today.  I was in no rush to leave.  I couldn't believe how the highway looked like the parted Red Sea as I drove home.  I was in no hurry to lock the car door behind me in the driveway.  I slowly opened the front door hoping it wouldn’t screech and I’d be able to sneak in unnoticed.    Once opened, I couldn’t miss my once four year old pig-tailed daughter now almost an adult waiting with report card in hand.

            “Daddy, you won’t believe what I got,” she said.  I got mixed emotions when I heard the word “Daddy” from her anymore.  It used to be so endearing.  I still want her to be that loving but I can’t help but ask myself what she wants from me now.

            “How was your day Sweetie?”

            “Great.”  I would have been as excited as her any other day.  I was still asking myself if there was some miracle that she wouldn’t ask me what I knew she would.  “I got my report card.”

            I tried to look cool like Robert Redford in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as I put down my briefcase and walked into the living room but I’m sure it didn’t work.  I’m sure I looked more like a pre-teen at his first dance.

            “Aren’t you going to ask me what I got,” she said while jumping onto the sofa next to me with her bare feet tucked underneath her.

            “Get your feet off the sofa.”

            “Come on Daddy,” she said with a slap against my arm.  “Ask me.”

            It was the moment I was dreading all day but couldn’t stall any longer so I asked, “How’d you do?”

            Lizzie jumped off the couch to announce, “I got straight A’s.”

            “That’s great Sweetie.”

            “You’re so funny Daddy.  Why do you act like that’s the worst thing in the world?  It’s the best.”

            “Yeah, I know.  That means it’ll be easier for you to get into college.”

            “And something else,” she said with that child-like smile I almost forgot she had.

            “What’s that?”

            “Come on, you’re just being silly now.”

            “I know, I know.  We promised something if you got A’s right?”

            “Yes, we did.  I get to go to Alaska now.”

            “You’re not going to let me forget that one are you?”

            “Nope.”

            I felt lead dropping my heart into my gut as she said this.  She had that smile.  She was calling me Daddy.  She was my little girl again.  How was I going to tell her that I lost the money for her trip on a horse named, “Broken Vow”?

Reviews

[Mokey]

Very nice! :) You have a great setup here. I'd play the guilt a little bigger throughout so the reader can agonize. That's your biggest ticket. Also, you have fantastic figurative language. Why not use it to hint at gambling, horses, and money? That would help create a running theme. Any time you're playing a guilt card, your readers are ready and willing to go along with it because they feel guilty about the same things. :) So really give it to them. Awesome! I liked the characterization in this, too.