Episode I - An eyewitness's delusion

Just read now~

I'm a surgeon and an amateur photographer. My job is very stressful and it would make me some abnormal sometimes. First time I tried to control myself not to stray off from the normality which is defined by the socially average people but you know, try is just try. Drinking, officially or unofficially having sex with every possible young and old women and even men, hunting, drugging, gambling, painting were my whole damn effort but these couldn't take me off from the stressful status. One drunken day, a manual camera attracted my eyes. I unintentionally picked it up and took some pictures around. The clicking noise from shutter made me feel somehow like I was free and easier from bloody war. More and more, I spent my spare time taking photos.

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The momentary cut was from the snowy chilly day I intentionally went out for something special in the woods. I walked and walked along the way in the woods. As time went on, it was like my mixed feeling of curiosity and passion had been sinking down somewhere.

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Struggling for a living is brutal at least for me. Just breathing, eating, sleeping and aging don't mean of living I intend. I'm a person dealing with people's life and death and I know this job is the envy of the persons who would like to jump up to a high-class but it disgusts me now. Probably, I had once had a passion for being a doctor but not now.
 

In fact, I was born in a wealthy family and grew up without any particular troubles. So I had no chance to consider struggling for something, especially for a living as we had a great weapon "Money" against the world. Thanks to the money we had, no, my parents had, I could buy the ticket to enter the top medical university and manage to get along as a reserve.

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However, there was a thing I couldn't resolve with the money: I easily get bored whatever I do.

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Frankly saying, I almost think repeatedly breathing is a curse from god. To be a doctor, I needed to put all the new knowledge into my brain and it didn't make any problem to me and I was absorbed into the world of knowledge for quite a while untill I found myself there was nothing to put it in. I know there're enormous amount of knowledge as much as I couldn't put the whole into my brain but I just want you to understand that now I'm saying about the threshold of getting bored.

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The bodies of the sick were treated by myself like a plaything and the feeling of human life's respect was rapidly on the decline due to my habitual feeling of boredom on the repeated behavior. Of course, other factors including hypocrisy and hand skill and money led me to be a great surgeon at last. At a unitversity hospital, I continued to train myself with the eternal hypocrisy of mine and finally I got bored: in the course of training, I got some lessons about treating other crucial elements as well as patients. Often negotiating with the dealers of medical appliance and medicine made me a certain pleasure in my daily routine. 

To be continued -        

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful chapter. Had the feel of real life and the misery learn.
"The bodies of the sick were treated by myself like a plaything and the feeling of human life's respect was rapidly on the decline due to my habitual feeling of boredom on the repeated behavior. Of course, other factors including hypocrisy and hand skill and money led me to be a great surgeon at last. At a unitversity hospital, I continued to train myself with the eternal hypocrisy of mine and finally I got bored: in the course of training, I got some lessons about treating other crucial elements as well as patients. Often negotiating with the dealers of medical appliance and medicine made me a certain pleasure in my daily routine. "
Above lines become true when life and death is understood. I was in war zones where the price of human life was little. Which is sad. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote