What if?

I wrote this shortly before going off to college, thinking both about the past and present, and how i arrived at where I was. I constantly think, What If?

Of course, many people constantly think, what if? And why? And how?

What is it like to do this and not do this?

I should have done this and I didn't, why not?

Why? Why didn't I?

It seems I would have benefited from it, but I was too scared not too. It's not like, well, it's not like it would have made that great of a difference...right?

Lots of things, activities, words, speech, options I should have done. I should have done or said or compromised. But I didn't, because, why? Well, because of anxious or bad premonitions that perhaps would have affected me or my environment negatively. But how do I even know that? I don't. I don't know what will happen in the future, even as much as i can predict. Things are meant to change and be different. Maybe that's what I'm scared of. Maybe I'm scared of the options or the changes, maybe I'm scared of what the possibility could have been. Maybe I'm just anxious. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I don't think things through.

Maybe things weren't meant to be.

Why?

Why why?

Why must things be this way instead of the other?

Why am I scared of the other way, even though I didn't do it?

It doesn't make sense. It doesn't work. It doesn't fit.

Life is like this, life fits all of this.

Maybe that's why they say Life if full of possibilities?

Maybe that's why.

Maybe.

Maybe...

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[dicey jones]

What if? Preferably the title should be I'm Scared.
i'm scared of the improbabilities, the inconsistency...am scared and yet, i don't really know why.

You write Real, from your Heart... thanks for sharing.
dicey jones.

[mireyalucia]

Ahh yes, thankyou. I agree with you, I rather like that title more.
Thank you for reading. :)