Paranoid

This is not one of my best poems by far, just the latest one. So yeah, I'd appreciate a small review, provided it's somewhat constructive. Thanks.

Paranoid

I’m drunk tonight

The smell of death

Keeps haunting my world

The scent

Of scotch

In dreary passion past us whirled.

I’m drunk tonight.

The unspoken thoughts

Keep playing in my soul

The unrequited

Love

Glows like a memory you stole.

I’m drunk tonight

The firey inferno

Keeps reminding me

Of us

A story

That was yet to be.

I’m drunk tonight

Your eyes

Maybe I keep trying to avoid

To hide

My fear

Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

Reviews

[Relic]

I don't drink much but in the past I've known the pain that stands like a wall inside. Drinking just didn't work as a mechanism for knocking it down. In this case, you mention the word death which is a big difference. The fire within can be scorching when it comes to that situation. I think you did fine using the line "I'm drunk tonight," as sort of a refrain to such a sad affliction that can infect any man's/woman's heart that has been stung in such a way. You might not want to have a space between the apostrophe and the letter m. Great work.

[Mircea Popescu]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. There's no space between the apostrophe and the letter m, it's just the font that does this. Again, thanks for the review.

[Relic]

You're welcome.

[A. Amos]

Now feel like having scotch:) this was great write my friend.

[P-Towne]

"The unrequited
Love
Glows like a memory you stole."

I enjoyed this piece immensely. Well done.

[Mircea Popescu]

Oh, I'm pleasantly taken aback to see such positive response to my poems. Thanks for dropping by.

[sonnie ibadah]

"I’m drunk tonight.
The unspoken thoughts
Keep playing in my soul
The unrequited
Love
Glows like a memory you stole...." mistakes and regrets can haunt us in our most darkest hour, they crawl over us, imprison us, suffocate us and not even the alcohol can drown away these demons because our unrequited love is etched on our very souls. i like this piece

[Mircea Popescu]

Thanks for the review. I'm oh so glad to see that people can relate to this.

[sonnie ibadah]

it's a nice write, thank you for sharing

[Pax]

Like my friend, Relic, I dont drink much - just occasionally in parties/birthdays... but I never used it as a form of escape mechanism to my problems... you'll never find the answer that way. Unrequited love will only be unrequited if you didn't work for it, they said relationship needs work, if you don't nothing will be achieved. But if you did work for it and still unrequited love, then that's the time to move on to someone else that deserves you love...

My only critique upon this piece is that you should put space to emphasis on the stanzas, that I assume it has three stanza with the "I'm drunk tonight" to be the first line of each stanza.

over-all, i enjoyed reflecting on this piece
great work!

[Mircea Popescu]

Well, at first I thought of dividing it intro stanzas, but I eventually chose to have this format to make it seem and feel more fluent and slightly chaotic.

I wanted to support the actual message of the poem with a more riotous form of the piece. I believe that the way a poem is structured can also influence the way it's perceived. Thank you for the feedback and thanks for taking the time to review me.

[Pax]

I see, that's why.... you are most welcome :)