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ive only got a bit, and i wanna put some more. there is no dialogue. there are no names. its a pretty straightforward bit of story.

It rolls; very slowly across the smooth tan surface until it cannot roll anymore. The tear then falls from her face. The tears come faster as the skin on the side of her nose turns black. She wipes her face with the sleeve on her forearm, further smearing the mascara on her cheeks. She folds the note back into the small rectangular shape and shoves it into her pocket. She stands up and opens the stall door in the bathroom. She shuffles to the sink and looks at her face. Her perfect hair, flawless skin, and stunning eyes; all hidden by the puffy redness around her eyes and nose. She wets a paper towel and gently wipes off the nasty black smears all down her cheeks. Hidden in her purse are her secret heroes. She retrieves them and empties each one a little more. The cover up, eye shadow, blush and eyeliner all get put back into her bag. She keeps the bottle out and retrieves another one of her friends. She puts him in her mouth and swallows. Then she allows her friends to once more inhabit her bag. She puts her thumb in her pocket; reminding herself of its sacred contents then turns and walks out the door as the final lunch bell begins to ring. She adds herself to the large swarm of hungry peers and waits her turn in line. A container of french fries dumped on her tray makes everyone around her not ask questions. She pays for her lunch with the perfect amount and proceeds to her spot at the table. The largest table in the middle of the lunchroom. She forces the muscles in her face to pull the sides of her mouth towards her ears. She makes herself smile; even though it is completely fake. She secretly wishes lunch would just be over. She sits through the stories and the laughing; never once paying attention to what is actually said. She holds on to her pocket throughout lunch, refusing to let herself cry. Forcing herself to be stronger. She doesn’t finish the fries and throws most of them away. Nobody questions; they all just file out of the room eager to get to their next class. She refuses to be the last one out so she forces her way to the middle. She goes back to the bathroom to meet with her friends. One more down her throat; just one more is all she needs. She waits, does not mind if she is late, then journeys down the hallway alone. When she arrives at class she motions a quiet sorry to the already lecturing teacher. He nods as she works her way to her seat. Gets out her notebook. Pretends to take notes. At the end of the class her page is still blank. She goes to her car ready to leave. Remembers that she offered him a ride home. The kid no one likes. The outcast. The weirdo;

her best friend.

He shows up after the last bus is gone. Promised her friends wouldn’t see him. She wishes he’d stop caring. Her popularity means nothing to her, but nothing can make him stop. His dark hair hides his face and he looks sad. But she doesn’t ask, and they just ride in silence. He is locked out but she won’t invite him over. Instead she turns the key, locks her doors, and goes to be with him. He is still quiet and so is she, which is what makes them get along. She motions; he nods. They go to his large tree swing from a while ago. It is big enough for both of them so they sit facing opposite ways. They both turn to their right; facing each other. They just look at each other for what seems like a long time. Never smiling, never frowning, just content. He turns back around. She closes her eyes and bites her lip. She rests her head on his shoulder. Neither one moves. They just sit there; her head on his shoulder with locked arms. And this is how she likes it. Her friends not mattering and her best friend being all she sees. Her pocket still saddening her, but her refusal to give in to tears. When it is like this all is good. She just wished he knew how much he meant. But she stays quiet. She will not tell him. Not yet. She just makes her mouth stay shut as they swing.

 

Her alarm goes off the next day before school. She hurries to get herself ready, then goes out to her car. She goes to his house to pick him up. He gets in the car without a sound. Like usual she drops him off at the back door to the school then parks her car and proceeds to go in the front door. Between each class she retreats to the bathroom to swallow another one of her secret friends. Remembering the note she moved into the pocket of her purse; a tear attempts to escape. She refuses to let it. All they cause are trouble and she does not want anymore. After school he’s already in her car, lying across the backseat. She turns the car on and drives to his house with him still asleep in her car. She does not want to wake him from this rather peaceful state. But she has to because no matter how much she would like to, she cannot stay all night. She gently taps his shoulder and his eyes dart open. Then he registers where he is and realizes he is home now. He looks in her eyes and notices a peculiar sadness to them. He has seen this look before and immediately knows what is wrong. He holds out his hand as if waiting for something. And she knows what he wants. She leans across to the passenger seat and grabs her purse. Inside the little pocket, lies the note. She grabs it. Careful not to wrinkle it. Puts it in his hand, and looks away. He opens it slowly, knowing just how much it means to her. He does not let it bend and just reads what the page long note says. Written in a very fine hand, without a clue as to who it is for or who it is from. Clearly it is for her, and he wonders if she will ever tell him just who it is that is hurting her like this. He cannot handle the note, he finishes it quickly and hands it back to her. She refolds it and puts it in her purse. When she looks up at him he is getting out of the car. He motions for her to follow and she does what she is told. She gets out and stands next to the one who has been there for her. The one who knows her most. The one who is so afraid of getting attached for fear of hurting each other. She wishes he just understood that she doesn’t care. She looks him in the eyes as she finally lets a tear fall. Losing her very long battle. He sees this and immediately grabs her. He pulls her in to a very awkward hug. Only awkward because he never hugs anyone. He never even used to hug her. Not at all. She hugs back and he squeezes tighter. Just leaning on his shoulder crying. She wonders if this is what it is like to have someone that really truly cares. She hopes it is, because she is so tired of getting hurt, time and time again.

 

She returns home with a painful feeling in her stomach. She craves telling him. But she cannot bring herself to. She is very glad he is respectful enough to not ask and just let her have her secret. She goes straight to her room, does not even mutter a simple hello to the rest of her family. Through the living room; up the stairs; and down the hall to the left. Follows it down to the end. The door at the end of the upstairs hallway finally shows itself. Behind the door lies her room. Her bed in the far back left corner is where she heads. She lies down and shuts her eyes, drifts into a peaceful sleep. When she awakes the next morning she does not remember having a dream. She knows that everyone dreams; she just can never seem to remember hers anymore. It is a Saturday and her parents are at work. She is in the house alone. Her older sister has her cello lessons and her younger brother has a day full of basketball with his friends. They never leave her notes. She always just knows their schedules based on what they say at the dinners she decides to go to with them. Usually her seat at the table is just left open. They leave her gas money on the counter next to the phone. Along with a list of numbers of people to call if something goes wrong. Her sister should be home no later than noon; so she decides to get out of the lonely house while she still can. There is no food in her and her stomach starts to growl, she grabs a piece of bread and puts it into the shiny new toaster. While she waits for it to finish she looks at their refrigerator. Covered in pictures. Covered with her siblings and other relatives. Covered with her very young and happy face. She wonders why it has to be so different now. Nothing is the same as it was before. But she has hope; and that is good enough for her. The toaster makes the scratchy popping sound announcing that she now has a piece of toast. She smears some butter on it and folds it in half. After wiping her crumbs off of the table she grabs her keys and gas money and heads to the door. She slips on her moccasins and is gone in a flash. First she goes to the gas station. She wants to use the money before they can come up with a reason to take it back. The amount of money, like usual, was too much. So she buys herself a tea and gets in the car. She drives on all back roads after leaving the gas station. She hates street lights and fells that they are a waste of time. She also like the scenery. All of the trees bring her comfort. She passes the road she must take to get home. She doesn’t feel like going back. Instead she goes to the park. She parks her car in the further most parking spot. She doesn’t get out. She just sits there and drinks her mango flavored Arizona Tea. She reaches underneath her seat and retrieves the small box. She opens it on her lap and stares at all of the white inside. Folded pieces of paper nearly filling it to the top. She reaches in her purse and feels around the edges until her fingers find the pocket with her note. She pulls it out and with a long, deep breath; she puts it in the box and closes the lid. She finishes the last of her tea and carefully places the now filled box under her seat. She gets out of the car and hurries over to the trash can that lies no more than three yards away. Then she looks up at the park with all of its squeaking swings and yelling children; and lets a tear escape from her right eye. She then turns around and returns to her car. She does not know where she will be going next and really does not care. She just does not want to go home to sit in her room alone anymore. She debates going over to his house to see if he is there; but she does not want to risk running into his father again. His father was drunk. His father was a rude, insensitive old man. He did not care about anyone other than himself. Not even his own child. He worked at a bar; which explained his alcohol addiction. He got discounts on nearly everything there. He would pick up new women there nearly everyday and bring them home regardless of his wife being there or not. If his wife spoke out of turn you would find a bright, new, red handprint across her face. Or depending on the day, she would have another black eye. She did whatever it took to protect her son and little did she know he was grateful for it. Her son was sitting in his room alone with his music on full blast. He hated when his parents were home and wished she would just come see him. He doesn’t know where she is because he got the answering machine when he tried to call her. He knew she probably wouldn’t say anything but he wanted to try it anyways. He never called her, but he was tired of not hearing her voice and wished she would just explain. He didn’t want to ask for fear of her getting mad; so he just kept his mouth shut.

 

As she drives around town looking for places to go she decides to drive past his house. Just in case maybe by some split chance of luck his parents would be gone. She didn’t even like the mother for letting her husband smack her around like that in front of him. As she drove past though, she noticed an extra car in his driveway. There is usually only one car. And it belongs to his father. But today there was another. It was no exactly a new car. It was rather old. And it was beat up. There was rust all over it and a dent in the back left corner. She was half tempted to stop and go knock on the door regardless of who was there when the door opened. His dad came strutting out with one of the ugliest facial expressions she had ever seen. She slouched in her now parked car, hoping he would not recognize her. He turned back towards the door and yelled something she couldn’t quite understand and a lady came outside. It was a young girl. Maybe in her early twenties. She was crying and yelling back. He took the empty beer bottle in his hand and threw it at her with all his might. She tried to move out of the way; but the beer bottle smashed into her left shoulder and shattered. The lady screamed at the impact and his father laughed. He pointed at her with a smirk on his face and said something that made the look on her face turn to fury. The lady marched back inside and so did his father. She then felt that she probably should not be sitting there in such plain view watching everything that was happening. But she was scared that it would be more obvious that she was watching if she just turned the car on and left. She did not want to be there anymore than she already had been; so she was just about to start the car again. But then her phone started to ring, announcing that she has gotten a text. She never replies to any of them; but she always reads them. So when she takes it out and notices its him asking her to come and get him; she realizes she cant help but to reply. A few seconds later, he is quietly slipping out of his front door, and hurrying towards her car. She unlocks it and the second he gets in she starts it and they drive away. Nothing is said between them as they drive. She is not sure where to go because she doesn’t feel like going home. But she wouldn’t mind going there as long as nobody else was there. She decides to drive past it. He just thinks they’re driving pointlessly. He has never been to her house and has no clue that she is passing it. She continues past her house even though her sister’s car is not there. She debates sending a text message to her sister to see if she is going to be home when her phone rings. It is her mother sending her a text message. She lets her know that her sister is going to spend the night with a friend and so is the brother. Her dad is out of town, so her mom won’t be home until the next day either. Then she makes her decision. A decision that may affect how he thinks of her. But she doesn’t care. It would be the only place his father wouldn’t find him if he decided to come after him. So she loops on the next street and notices the confusion in his eyes. When she pulls into the driveway of the rather large house she notices his eyes light up. He turns to her and points with wide eyes and confused looking eyebrows. Instead of saying anything she reaches in her pocket and pulls out the answer. A small key. The key to the house. He smiles and nods, then looks back at the large house in wonder. She leads him in through the garage. Once again up to the safety of her room in the uppermost left corner of the house.

 

When they walk through the door to her only sanctuary she hears him gasp. It is very quiet and almost inaudible but she hears it. She knows her room is big. She knows how clean it is, and how fancy everything is. It is part of the reason she never brings anyone home with her. He turns to his left once inside of the door. He looks at the window seat covered in a light blue blanket and pillows. The curtains are closed but they are very thin so the light can still get in, but nobody can see what she is doing. He turns around and looks the other way. There is a very large mirror right behind her now open door. If the door had opened any more it may have actually crushed the mirror because of its position. Just to the left of the mirror is her closet door. The door looked like it led to another room, but when she smiled and opened it he saw that it was just a walk-in closet. The wall continued on for a couple more feet. It did not go very far. But when he turned to look straight into her room he noticed it went super far that way. In the far back left corner was her bed. It did not match the light blue color of the rest of her room. Instead it had an old multicolored quilt on it. There was a dresser in the right corner and another window on her right wall. This one was smaller and made the wall look huge. But the dresser evened everything out. He turned and noticed her slowly walking towards her bed and sitting down. She was very amused at how he was reacting to her room. She knew he was not overreacting. He just wasn’t used to what she was. She kicked her shoes off and laid down. She pulled the quilt up al the way to her neck. She knew he would not mind. He was still too busy being mesmerized by her rather large room. When he finally turned and noticed her she smiled at him. He felt terrible because he wasn’t sure if it was just another of her fake smiles or if by some chance it was actually real. She secretly wished he knew it was a real one. He was the only person that ever actually made her smile. He started walking closer to her bed after she stopped smiling. When he got right next to it he went to sit down. She moved her legs so there would be room. He sat down and did no look at her. His eyes just kept scanning the room. He very carefully placed his right hand on her left thigh. It was all that was by him since she was lying on her side. As he turned to look at her he noticed the unusual sparkle in her eyes. He had never seen her like that and noticed she was about to cry. So he kicked his shoes off; since he noticed she did. Careful not to push on her legs or hurt her, he gently climbed over her and laid down beside her on the bed. He too laid on his said and was about to put his arm around her when she flinched. She did not want to risk someone coming home early and finding her like that, so she got up and shut her door. She locked it too just to be sure. Then she turned and looked at the confused boy sitting on her bed. But on her walk back towards the bed she just looked down at the ground. Then she approached the bed she laid back down in the exact same position. He too returned and actually did put his arm around her this time. And they just stayed like that. Eventually she ended up falling asleep. When he propped himself up to talk to her he noticed her eyes were shut and he breathing had slowed. It was then that he realized she had fallen asleep. He decided to lie back down. And when he did, he too fell asleep. They laid like that for hours. They only woke up when the sun had gone down and the clock said eleven. She gently rolled over and shook him to wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. She showed him the clock mounted right by her bed. He laughed and smiled at her. She rolled her eyes and turned back around. She fell back asleep; while he sat silently awake. He waited until he was sure she was asleep. Then he once again propped himself up and very careful not to wake her up; he planted a very gentle kiss on her cheek. He was glad she was not conscious. He did not want her to know yet. He couldn’t risk losing another friend and feared that he might if she ever really knew. He lowered himself down and once more put his arm around her. Then he fell asleep. He never once seemed to notice how she liked that his arm was around her. He was completely oblivious to everything. Yet, so was she. She had absolutely no clue either. They both didn’t want to lose each other so they kept their opinions to themselves.

 

When he woke up he noticed she was no longer in the room with him. The door was open and he could hear movements. He wanted to go out and find her but he also did not want to risk her getting in trouble in case her parents were there. So he stayed where he was. Silently hoping she would be the only other person he saw in that house. She was in the living room about to put a movie on when she realized that he probably would not come to find her. He tends to stay hidden. So eating her granola bar she trudged back up to her room. He was lying there looking up at the ceiling. She had been right. He was not going to move until he knew that it was just her. She went over to him and grabbed his hand, not caring that she was shoving more granola bar into her mouth. She pulled him down the hall and down the stairs. To the living room where she was going to be putting in a movie. She had changed sometime during the night into pajama pants and a tank top. While he had been lying there in jeans. It didn’t seem that she cared. After all; he didn’t know he was going to be spending the night. She clicked the remote and the movie started. The sound was very loud, but neither one seemed to care. She noticed him shift uncomfortably and realized at once he must not have been comfortable wearing the same jeans all night long. She paused the movie and pulled him with her. Once again up the stairs; only this time, she led him to the right. The third door on the left was the door she was aiming for. Her brother’s room. He brother was two years younger than her and was as nearly as tall as her so she was hoping his sweatpants would fit the confused boy she was nearly dragging along with her. She handed him a pair and watched him eyeball them with near disbelief. She assumed he had never worn anything like them before. But when he laughed she realized that he was only looking at all of the crumbs she had managed to get on them from her granola bar. She smiled as she put the last bite into her mouth. As they left the room they went to the very next door. The bathroom. She slouched up against the wall while he went in and changed into the pants that were amazingly a perfect fit. He came out looking down and laughing at himself. She herself smiled and managed to stand up. They walked side by side back down to the movie that she had put in. She handed him the DVD case and he noticed that the title of the movie was Once. It didn’t look like very much money had gone into it, but at least the music was good. They sat side by side on the couch. Her on the left, and him on the right. At one part during the movie she turned so that she could lean into his arms. But she did not lean; she didn’t want him to think she was weird. So she just sat there. He was frustrated when she didn’t lean back so he reached up and while grabbing both of her arms, slowly pulled her back. When she finally gave in and leaned on him she looked up at him and smiled. He was half tempted to smile back but her smile only lasted half a second and he did not have time. In his mind he knew he’d be regretting it for the rest of the day. Her smiles were a rare occasion and when she would finally manage to let one out, he could never smile back. He smiled at her all the time. But was never able to smile back once she had smiled at him. Mostly because her smiles were so short and she looked away quickly. The movie seemed to take forever. Mostly because he kept getting mad at himself for never smiling back. He had attachment issues; it was true. She knew it, and he knew that she knew it. That is why she did not hug back at first when he hugged her in the driveway. He knew that if he hugged her now it would be a lot better than just merely smiling at her.  So he carefully adjusted himself so his arms were free. When he could move them he wrapped them both around her and leaned his head on hers. She jumped a little; not expecting what he had just done. But once it had sunk in that he was hugging her she reached up her own arms and held onto his hands.

 

Before he knew it the movie was over and she was pulling away. He wanted to tell her to stay but knew that it would not be any use. Once she has her mind set on something it is almost impossible to stop her. Besides, it wouldn’t be the same if she just randomly leaned back. The movie was over and the moment was gone. He let go and she stood up. She rubbed her eyes a little and they started to turn red. She offered him her hand to help him stand up, but he carefully pushed it away. He didn’t like feeling like he was making her do something for him so he stood up on his own. She was confused. But then again she really did not mind. She bit the right side of her bottom lip and half smiled at him. She knew it was fake, and so did he. But neither seemed to care. It was just normal. She walked into the kitchen and he followed. She opened the cupboards and refrigerator and motioned with her hand. He knew what she meant but he shook his head no. He wasn’t hungry. He was never hungry. She just shrugged and walked up the stairs. He started to follow her and she shook her head no. she held up the index finger on her left hand to tell him just as minute. She turns back around and walks up the stairs. He simply sits on the last step and waits for her to come back down. He pulls out his phone and turns it back on. As soon as the phone starts up it immediately and repetitively starts to vibrate. By the time it is done he nearly has twenty messages. All from his father. Nearly every single one from the previous night. All demanding to know where he was. There were only about three from this morning. Calling him names and notifying him that if he is not home soon that all of his clothing will be in the front yard and he can stay gone. He had been threatened just like that many times before and knew his father well enough to know that he’d just get drunk and forget about it at work. When she came back down the stairs he was just about to shove his phone back in his pocket when, without warning, she grabbed it from him. She went through his messages and noticed everything his father had said. The smile then faded from her face. She hobbled into the kitchen and grabbed her car keys. He did not want her to feel at fault, as he could see that she was beginning to think so. He stood up without second thinking what he was doing and walked over to her. He grabbed the keys out of her hand and threw them. She was not sure why he had done it or what had come over him. After all, wasn’t it because of her that he might get thrown out? She just wanted to get him home so that he did not have to deal with anything else. The look on his face told him that he did not care whether or not he got in trouble. He did not feel like leaving and she was grateful he was not gone. That was when it occurred to him. He would not be able to leave anyways. He did not have his jeans on and he would rather not leave wearing her brother’s pants. When he looked down at them and smiled a laugh escaped her mouth. He wasn’t used to hearing anything from her so it startled him. He had never heard her laugh before, sure he had seen her silently laugh, but this one actually made noise. He liked the sound of it. She was walking up the stairs again. This time, she motioned for him to come as well. He started to follow her and knew exactly what she was doing. She was getting him his jeans so he could change and she could take him back home. As she rounded the corner into her brother’s bathroom she turned the light on and was going to leave so he could change. As she brushed past him he reached out with his left hand and grabbed her left wrist. Not hard; but very, very gentile. She turned to her left with a very perplexed look. Almost as if she was asking what he was doing. But as she turned, he let go and carefully, but quickly, pushed her up against the door frame. As he grabbed both sides of her face in each of his hands, he pressed his lips onto hers. Finally doing what he had craved doing for the longest time. He took the fact that she did not push him away as a good sign but figured he shouldn’t overdo it. As he was pulling away she reached out and pulled him back. Neither one of them had any idea why they were doing this but neither one really cared. They both enjoyed it and figured that it was all that mattered.

 

He changed into his jeans and threw the pajama pants into the hamper. When he opened the door she was not outside of it. He heard her moving around downstairs and figured it probably was best if he did get home. When he got to the bottom of the steps he noticed that her expression had changed. She did not look as burdened. She looked less stressed and almost happy for once. That is when he noticed it. It was very faint and hard to see but it was there. He wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it either. There was a smile on her face; that did not last for just a spilt second. It was pasted there. No matter how small, she was smiling. His jaw nearly dropped but since it wasn’t a huge smile he just kept on looking content. He walked up to her and grabbed the keys off the ground before she could bend down and pick them up. As he straightened and stood up fully he noticed how close she had gotten. She was looking him right in the eyes; and her smile was gone. She wanted him to just hold her again. But, she felt as though she would just make things worse. She knew he didn’t like getting attached, and she felt like it would end badly if he did. She just wanted to know that she wasn’t going to make things worse if he got attached to her. She really did like him, and was so happy about what had happened. She just didn’t want to end up being pushed aside because of him realizing he was getting attached, then pulling away. He knew exactly what she was thinking when he looked into her eyes. She did not want to become extra baggage. He refused to let her think anything bad. Nothing could be bad about their situation. So he shook his head no and pulled her into the third hug they had ever shared. She hugged back. Not the careful hug like the first time. No. This hug was different. In their own silent way, they were both promising to each other that everything would be okay. They don’t let go for nearly five minutes. They just stand there holding each other. She buries her head into his shoulder and doesn’t want to let go. She has waited so long just to have him understand how she felt. When she pulled away she suddenly remembered all of his father’s messages. She grabbed the keys from his hand and hurried to the door. They both got in the car, and as they were starting to pull out of the driveway she noticed her sister’s car coming. She reached out and grabbed his head and pushed down. He had no clue what was going on but figured he had better slouch anyways. They passed each other at the end of the driveway. She was relieved when her sister didn’t notice him. At the end of the road she stopped at the stop sign and motioned that he could get up. When he did he turned and looked back at her house, just in time to see the sister walk in the front door. He let out a sigh and turned to look at her. She wasn’t looking at him. She was waiting for a time that she could turn. There was a lot of traffic so she didn’t seem notice how he kept glancing back at her. Every time she turned his way he made it a point to look forward though, just so she didn’t take the fact he was looking at her the wrong way.

 

When she pulled in front of his house his father’s car was already gone. Nothing was in the front yard so it looked like everything was okay. He got out of the car and shut the door. But he leaned back down and waved. She quickly smiled and waited for him to cross the road into his yard. Once his right foot stepped onto the grass she drove away. All she does is go back home. Parks next to her sister’s car; and retreats into her room to wait for the following day. She wakes up early since she has to pick him up for school and notices a message that keeps lighting her phone up. It is from him stating that he will not need a ride to school and that he will just see her after. She sees it as odd and feels as if she has done something wrong. She doesn’t feel like going back to sleep even for those extra ten minutes. Instead she just gets herself ready and goes downstairs for a granola bar. She takes one bite then sets it back down onto the counter. Realizing that her school stuff is still in her room; she trots back up the stairs. She notices her shoes are back by her bed and heads towards them. Once they are both on, she walks over to her dresser for her books. She grabs them and heads downstairs. She is terribly glad that she did not have homework. It would have just been one more thing to stress over. She adds her granola bar to the pile she is carrying. Then picks up her purse and keys off of the counter. On her way out of the door she throws her wrapper away and puts the last of her granola bar into her mouth. When she gets to school she heads to the bathroom. She pulls her toothbrush out of her purse along with some toothpaste. It is the same scenario everyday. She brushes her teeth at school just so she doesn’t have to be home any longer. She feels kind of bad that she did not leave her room to see her father when she heard him return home the previous night. She did not have really anything against her father other than he just couldn’t ever seem to notice that his wife was cheating on him. He went on business trips every weekend and sometimes during the week. Ever time he left she left too. It was unbelievable. She just wished that for once her father could see the truth. He also didn’t understand her at all. It was not any different with the rest of their family, but he was the only one she had ever hoped might be there for her. He was the least messed up out of all of them. She finished brushing her teeth and dried off her toothbrush. Once it was back in her purse she put some Chapstick on and went out into the halls. She goes to her locker and looks at all of the books trying to find the one for her first hour. Of course her Anatomy book is on the bottom. As she struggles to pull it out she drops her notebooks that were being held between her side and elbow. She set her Anatomy book on top of the others and bent down to pick up her notebooks. When she stood back up she looked at the list of classes she had hung on her locker door. The worst classes in history. First hour Anatomy, followed by Calculus. Third, she had AP English. Then she had lunch. After lunch she had Government and Gym. She hated every single class she was in. mostly because he was not in any of them with her, and even had the other lunch. All was part of his promise to be invisible. But he was not invisible to her. She shut her locker and started her walk to the Anatomy room. When she got there Mr. Simonetti nodded at her and she took her seat. The bell had just finished ringing which happily meant she was not late. She sighed when he announced that he was going to be lecturing all hour. Both computer labs had classes in them so they had to stay in the room. As he started talking she already knew everything he was saying. She was ahead on her homework and didn’t feel like listening. She grabs a notebook, opens to a random page and starts doodling. She draws a moon in the upper left corner. It takes up nearly a fourth of the page touching both the top and left sides of the page.  Starting at the bottom left corner she draws a curve towards the middle of the right side of the paper. Then next to the moon she draws two extra smaller moons on its right. She then takes her time drawing in craters and shading everything just right. Once she has finished shading she darkens the entire background like it is a star-less night sky. As black as it can get. On the bottom curve she erases all of the smeared pencil that has managed to find its way inside. It is the brightest colored thing on the whole page. She slowly and carefully attempts to make it look like and uninhabited planet. She constantly erases what she has done and starts over. When the bell rings she still isn’t done with her picture. She honestly doesn’t care and just throws it in the trash on her way out of the door. As she walks out she hears the teacher asking her why she threw such a good picture away. But she doesn’t answer him. She just keeps walking towards her locker. When she swaps her books the only thing she can think about is making her way to the bathroom. She pushes her way though all of the people and forces the bathroom door open. When she makes it to the sink she is careful to avoid setting her calculus book in water. She sets her purse on top of her books and reaches inside. She finds the hidden bottle containing her friends. Not many are left and she fears she will run out before the week is over. But she puts one in her silent mouth and swallows. The lid to be placed back on and the bottle to once more hide in her bag.

 

When she gets to Calculus she notices her normal teacher, Mrs. Cartella, is not there. Instead they have a sub. She doesn’t bother to even look at his name. It’s not like it will eventually matter anyways. She works her way to the far back left corner of the room. To her desk. She is very glad Mrs. Cartella is not there. It isn’t like she doesn’t like her. She just doesn’t like doing all of the word problems and hearing about integrals and derivatives all the time. Not to mention that integral is just a fancy name for anti-derivative.  The math is easy at times. Other times she feels like she shouldn’t even be in the class. When she actually asks a question her teacher finds it hard to help her. So she usually ends up figuring everything out on her own. When the sub announces that they will just be adding on to what they had learned on Friday she is extremely happy. All it is, is finding more integrals. She doesn’t feel like having homework so she finishes her assignment before the bell rings. Between each problem she looks up at the clock to see how much longer she has until she can leave the room. It seems as if the hour is dragging on and on, since the class only got twenty problems to do; she finishes with nearly forty minutes to do nothing. She takes another piece of paper out and redraws everything she had done on the other paper. Even the shading is redone. She starts to work on the bottom right corner. Once again erasing what she had tried to do time and time again. She just couldn’t get the outer edge to look like it was curving back. She heard someone clear their throat and looked up. She finally saw who the substitute was. She still didn’t care about his name, but she noticed that he was very young. She showed him that she had already finished and he smiled. Then he reached down and took the pencil out of her hand. He turned the paper and kneeled down in front of her desk. In no time he had accomplished making the edge of the planet look curved. She looks up at him from the paper with an astonished look on her face. He smiles at her. She feels like she should smile back but she would rather not. Something about the whole situation felt awkward. She nodded her head once to say thank you to him. Then reached for her pencil and turned her paper back around. She finished drawing her planet and almost forgot to grab it when the bell rang. She usually just threw them away. But this one she hung in her locker right before stopping at the bathroom between classes. She was oddly proud of finally being able to finish it instead of giving up and throwing it away. She decided right then and there that right after school before she drove him home, that she would give it to him. She didn’t know why or where the idea had even come from but that was her choice. She made her way to the bathroom and reduced her friends to a mere eleven. Only enough to last her part way through Wednesday. It didn’t really bother her though; she would just end up grabbing more from her family’s unused medicine cabinet Wednesday morning. When she was on her way out of the bathroom and to Advanced Placement English, she couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t pass him on the stairs like she usually did. Any excitement she might have had, faded into pure confusion. She didn’t understand where he was, or why he wasn’t there. And she could not get him out of her head.  She had the terrible feeling that she wouldn’t have to wait for him after school. She had the feeling he hadn’t even come. And she started to fear the worst.

 

In third hour she tapped her desk throughout the whole class. Mrs. Kersonn even asked her to stop more than five times. Each time she was asked she listened. But she started up again not more than two minutes after. After running every possible reason through her head she probably figured he was already in the lunchroom. But she had decided not to wait very long after school just in case. She did her absolute best to think positively but, considering the life she’s had; the task didn’t come easily. Her thoughts kept returning to the picture in her locker and how she wanted to give it to him. It seemed to be the only thing that could keep her thinking somewhat positively. Every time she would look up at the clock it seemed like the minute had only changed by one or two numbers. She had looked at the clock nearly fifty times before she eventually gave up. She still had twenty minutes in the room and wasn’t looking forward to any of them. Her teacher had started reading, but she wasn’t paying attention. Instead she got out a piece of paper and decided she was going to draw a different picture. She would draw lines in every possible place on her paper to try and start a new idea. But, every single idea ended up blank. She would erase everything and start over time and time again. She could not focus and just wished the bell would ring already. She didn’t plan on going to lunch; she was just going to go sit in the bathroom. She felt so overwhelmed for no reason and it was really bothering her. She hated that her seat was in the middle of the room. She was surrounded by a sea of empty eyes just looking around the room. She couldn’t help but to keep tapping on her desk. Nobody seemed to mind except the teacher. Mrs. Kersonn had a type of social anxiety. She would not admit to it, but kids would always crowd her or chew their gum loudly just to annoy her. With the tapping the pencil problem, she didn’t mean to irritate Mrs. Kersonn. She just couldn’t help it. She even felt bad when Mrs. Kersonn started to lose her train of thought. She wanted to apologize for it; but, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. When the bell finally managed to ring, she forced herself towards the front of the mob rushing out of the English room. She heads straight towards the bathroom, until she notices a group of girls have just entered it. She half debates trying her luck, and going to the bathroom that lies the complete opposite way. The bathroom that is very close to the office. She knows she will risk getting yelled at, but it is also one that not many people go to. She creeps from hall to hall until she notices a teacher coming. She has no clue where she will stand. She doesn’t want to get in trouble and fears she most likely will. Instead of panicking she walks straight down the hall like she is going to the office. As she passes the teacher she nods her head. But, as soon as she is past, she changes her path and enters the completely empty school bathroom. Standing at the sink, she reduces her number of hidden friends to ten. She sits in there for nearly ten minutes then decides to leave. She didn’t want to sit alone more than she didn’t want to be around people. So she chose the lesser of the two evils and went to the lunchroom. She doesn’t bother wasting money on fries that she won’t eat and just sits at her table. All of her peers smile and start to tell her stories. She doesn’t want to seem rude so she forces her face into a smile and listens while nodding. Luckily before she has to respond to any of the stories the lunch bell rings. So she hurries out and goes to her locker. Once at her locker, she trades her English book for her book on the American Government. As she makes her way towards Mr. Morter’s room she notices people looking at her weird. She nearly freaks out when she notices what they are really looking at. They are looking at him. He is walking down the hall his face enraged. The left side of his bottom lip completely split in half. His right eyebrow cut and the area around his right eye completely darkened in. He wouldn’t look up. But she could tell that he was close to tears. He never cried, ever. Whenever he would feel like crying he would turn it into complete fury. This completely explained the show he was putting on for everybody else in the halls. When he passed her he didn’t even look up. Instead he closed his eyes. For a second she thought he was mad at her. Until, she remembered his invisible promise. If he had looked up any more than he already had, he would not appear to be invisible. He had only looked up enough for everyone to see his pain. Only enough for her to see that something was clearly wrong. Her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. She knew it was from him. She didn’t know how, but she knew. She hurried to Mr. Morter’s room and sat down at her seat. Since they weren’t supposed to have phones out she had to sneak hers. The message was in fact from him. It was also very short and stated that she would understand everything after school. Like normal, she didn’t reply. As the hour dragged on all the teacher did was lecture. She debated skipping gym again like she has for the past week. When the bell rang she had a terrible headache and thought it was a good enough reason to sign herself out early. Since she kept good grades the school didn’t care much when she would leave early. She went and sat in her car. She was a little upset that she had forgotten to put her book back in her locker, and more than a little upset that she forgot her picture. But at the moment all she cared about was whether or not he was okay. She remembered how loud the bells rang at the school and figured she would be able to hear it from her car if her music was really low. So, she climbed in the backseat and tried to fall asleep.

When she sat up there were already people coming out of the school. She figured she should just wait in her car for him to come out. But she didn’t want him to get lost in the crowd. She had the awful feeling in her gut that she should probably go up to the school. As she got out of her car and started to make her way towards the school; she noticed the students starting to gather together. When they started chanting she understood exactly what it meant. There was a fight. She noticed that her feet started to move faster as her brain finally connected to why her heart was beating so fast. She was afraid of who might be fighting. Afraid that it was that boy, to whom her mind kept returning. That boy who had cuts and bruises on his face not but an hour earlier. But by the time she got to the circle she felt someone grab her arm. She didn’t care that their grip was firm. She continued pushing forward. Afraid to see that it could be him in the middle of all the commotion. She not once turned to look at who had a hold on her arm. But the hand on her arm started to pull her the other way. This made her angry. She wanted to make sure it wasn’t him. She had to make sure. But the hand was too strong. The hand was pulling her back towards her car. Causing her arm to start throbbing. She was furious. But at the same time she didn’t care. She figured she should probably look at the hand, and maybe the face that belonged to the hand’s body. When she turned she noticed the back of the head that was leading her away. She knew exactly who it was. It was him. The one who was not in the middle of the violence. The one who she was afraid to admit; had stolen her heart. She stops resisting being pulled and tags along behind him. When they got to her car; she attempted to read his expressionless face. She couldn’t tell whether he was sad, angry, disappointed, or scared. It had almost appeared as if his face was emotionless. But she knew there was something there. She just couldn’t tell what it was. She looked up at him with sad eyes. Afraid that he might have been mad at her. He just looked down at her. Wondering why she looked so scared and sad. He reached out to her and put his hands carefully on her shoulders. He looked into her eyes; knowing that it was very hard for her to actually look people in the eyes. He refused to let her look away. But when he noticed one of her other friends coming he let go and hurried away. A few rows down and behind another car; refusing to be seen once again. She turned to look at the girl. The girl started freaking out about what had happened to break up the fight. He carefully peeked up to see if she was gone yet. When the girl finally walked away looking mad he knew it was because there hadn’t been a reply to anything that was said. He went back to her and tugged on her arm as he got in the car. She too followed him into the car. She looked back at him and he smiled as he stretched out on the back seat. She started her car and pulled out away from the school. She looked into the review mirror and his face. He was smiling with his eyes closed just laying on her backseat.  She knew exactly where she wanted to go. But then decided it didn’t matter as long as she found out why his face had been bruised and bloodied.

 

She partially wanted to go to the park but also didn’t want to stop driving. She was just glad he had not been the one in the middle of everything after school. Her mind finally stopped fighting with itself and she decided she was in fact going to go to the park. It was the one place she felt free from her everyday life. Everything was so peaceful at the park. Even the screaming children didn’t seem to bother her. She craved a mango tea but would rather just get to the park. He sat up in the backseat and leaned forward just to watch where they were driving. As soon as she turned onto his road he freaked and slouched as far down as he could in the car. She didn’t understand why he had been acting so weird. She wasn’t taking him home; she just had to pass his house in order to get to the park. She sped up so he would know. And as soon as they were turning onto the dirt road he sat back up. There was no longer a flash of fear on his face. Instead he looked relieved not to be going back home. She still didn’t completely understand why he had reacted that way. When he turned and looked over his shoulder she instantly knew. She knew the reason he had a black eye. She knew the reason his lip and eyebrow had been bleeding. She knew why he had freaked out. She knew everything she needed to know. The reason he had been hurt was not because of any fight at school. He had been hurt by his father. He had been hurt because he went to her house. She refused to let him know that she knew. In his way he would make her stop blaming herself. But she knew it was her fault. She just knew it. She didn’t want him to get hurt. She hated the fact that he was. She knew there was nothing she could have done to stop it though. She kept wondering what would’ve happened if she never picked him up in the first place. She knew that he probably would’ve been hurt worse since he was the one who asked her to come and get him. But she couldn’t help but to be mad at herself for letting him get hurt. When she pulled into the park she turned her car off but did not move. She just sat there staring blankly ahead. He didn’t understand why she was so idle. He figured she would have turned around sooner than she did. He just sat there looking at the back of her head while the whole time she did not move. When she finally did move he thought she was going to turn around and look at him; but she did not. Instead she opened up her door and walked outside.  She closed the door quietly and he just stared at her. She turned towards the car and leaned onto the top of it. Just resting her head in her arms. He couldn’t tell what was wrong but he knew that something was wrong. There was always something. He knew that something was always wrong. The only time that either of them had felt okay was while watching that movie on her couch. Any other time there was something wrong. And they cared about each other. That was what mattered most. Since that wrong feeling had come back he decided to get out of the car. It was the only thing he could do to help. And as he shut his door; he leaned on the car next to her listening to her breathe as she hid her face. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. Everything just seemed right while they were there. The smell of a river nearby calmed their nerves and everything continually became more peaceful. The sun was shining down on them and it felt wonderful.

 

As he rested on top of the car next to her, he felt at peace. The sound of car tires on loose gravel continually made itself known. It didn’t sound like any of the cars were entering the lot. It mostly sounded like they were fading away. He turned his head to the side so that he was facing her. Her head was also turned to its left, so he was merely looking at the back of her head through a groggy daze. He was falling asleep but did not want to. Every time his eyes closed he forced them to open right after. He decided he could no longer lean on the car if he wished to remain awake. So he pushed himself slowly off the top of her little car. He turned his body and slouched on the car. He refused to put his head down again for fear of falling asleep.

 

It startled her when she first heard it. She didn’t remember the school bells being so loud. But then again, she had never skipped class just to sleep in her car. When she sat up there were already people coming out of the school. She figured she should just wait in her car for him to come out. But she didn’t want him to get lost in the crowd. She had the awful feeling in her gut that she should probably go up to the school. As she got out of her car and started to make her way towards the school; she noticed the students starting to gather together. When they started chanting she understood exactly what it meant. There was a fight. She noticed that her feet started to move faster as her brain finally connected to why her heart was beating so fast. She was afraid of who might be fighting. Afraid that it was that boy, to whom her mind kept returning. That boy who had cuts and bruises on his face not but an hour earlier. But by the time she got to the circle she felt someone grab her arm. She didn’t care that their grip was firm. She continued pushing forward. Afraid to see that it could be him in the middle of all the commotion. She not once turned to look at who had a hold on her arm. But the hand on her arm started to pull her the other way. This made her angry. She wanted to make sure it wasn’t him. She had to make sure. But the hand was too strong. The hand was pulling her back towards her car. Causing her arm to start throbbing. She was furious. But at the same time she didn’t care. She figured she should probably look at the hand, and maybe the face that belonged to the hand’s body. When she turned she noticed the back of the head that was leading her away. She knew exactly who it was. It was him. The one who was not in the middle of the violence. The one who she was afraid to admit; had stolen her heart. She stops resisting being pulled and tags along behind him. When they got to her car; she attempted to read his expressionless face. She couldn’t tell whether he was sad, angry, disappointed, or scared. It had almost appeared as if his face was emotionless. But she knew there was something there. She just couldn’t tell what it was. She looked up at him with sad eyes. Afraid that he might have been mad at her. He just looked down at her. Wondering why she looked so scared and sad. He reached out to her and put his hands carefully on her shoulders. He looked into her eyes; knowing that it was very hard for her to actually look people in the eyes. He refused to let her look away. But when he noticed one of her other friends coming he let go and hurried away. A few rows down and behind another car; refusing to be seen once again. She turned to look at the girl. The girl started freaking out about what had happened to break up the fight. He carefully peeked up to see if she was gone yet. When the girl finally walked away looking mad he knew it was because there hadn’t been a reply to anything that was said. He went back to her and tugged on her arm as he got in the car. She too followed him into the car. She looked back at him and he smiled as he stretched out on the back seat. She started her car and pulled out away from the school. She looked into the review mirror and his face. He was smiling with his eyes closed just laying on her backseat.  She knew exactly where she wanted to go. But then decided it didn’t matter as long as she found out why his face had been bruised and bloodied.

 

She partially wanted to go to the park but also didn’t want to stop driving. She was just glad he had not been the one in the middle of everything after school. Her mind finally stopped fighting with itself and she decided she was in fact going to go to the park. It was the one place she felt free from her everyday life. Everything was so peaceful at the park. Even the screaming children didn’t seem to bother her. She craved a mango tea but would rather just get to the park. He sat up in the backseat and leaned forward just to watch where they were driving. As soon as she turned onto his road he freaked and slouched as far down as he could in the car. She didn’t understand why he had been acting so weird. She wasn’t taking him home; she just had to pass his house in order to get to the park. She sped up so he would know. And as soon as they were turning onto the dirt road he sat back up. There was no longer a flash of fear on his face. Instead he looked relieved not to be going back home. She still didn’t completely understand why he had reacted that way. When he turned and looked over his shoulder she instantly knew. She knew the reason he had a black eye. She knew the reason his lip and eyebrow had been bleeding. She knew why he had freaked out. She knew everything she needed to know. The reason he had been hurt was not because of any fight at school. He had been hurt by his father. He had been hurt because he went to her house. She refused to let him know that she knew. In his way he would make her stop blaming herself. But she knew it was her fault. She just knew it. She didn’t want him to get hurt. She hated the fact that he was. She knew there was nothing she could have done to stop it though. She kept wondering what would’ve happened if she never picked him up in the first place. She knew that he probably would’ve been hurt worse since he was the one who asked her to come and get him. But she couldn’t help but to be mad at herself for letting him get hurt. When she pulled into the park she turned her car off but did not move. She just sat there staring blankly ahead. He didn’t understand why she was so idle. He figured she would have turned around sooner than she did. He just sat there looking at the back of her head while the whole time she did not move. When she finally did move he thought she was going to turn around and look at him; but she did not. Instead she opened up her door and walked outside.  She closed the door quietly and he just stared at her. She turned towards the car and leaned onto the top of it. Just resting her head in her arms. He couldn’t tell what was wrong but he knew that something was wrong. There was always something. He knew that something was always wrong. The only time that either of them had felt okay was while watching that movie on her couch. Any other time there was something wrong. And they cared about each other. That was what mattered most. Since that wrong feeling had come back he decided to get out of the car. It was the only thing he could do to help. And as he shut his door; he leaned on the car next to her listening to her breathe as she hid her face. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. Everything just seemed right while they were there. The smell of a river nearby calmed their nerves and everything continually became more peaceful. The sun was shining down on them and it felt wonderful.

 

As he rested on top of the car next to her, he felt at peace. The sound of car tires on loose gravel continually made itself known. It didn’t sound like any of the cars were entering the lot. It mostly sounded like they were fading away. He turned his head to the side so that he was facing her. Her head was also turned to its left, so he was merely looking at the back of her head through a groggy daze. He was falling asleep but did not want to. Every time his eyes closed he forced them to open right after. He decided he could no longer lean on the car if he wished to remain awake. So he pushed himself slowly off the top of her little car. He turned his body and slouched on the car. He refused to put his head down again for fear of falling asleep. She noticed him move, and wanted to do the same. But she could not get rid of that terrible feeling in her stomach telling her that she was to blame. She slowly lifted her head and looked up at the clouds. She had always loved clouds. They were always changing and unpredictable; a way that she tended to feel most of the time. Or rather, wished she could be like. When he sighed she wondered if it was because he wanted her to look at him, or he was just very tired. She figured either way, she had better turn around and look. At the time she had fully turned, he began to yawn. This made her smile. She stopped leaning on the car, and instead leaned down to her door handle and locked the car. She grabbed his hand and stared to lead him onto a path at the park. A path that she loved to take. It led to a small stream in the middle of all of the trees. Not many people went on it anymore, and she loved feeling original. He didn’t want her to have to lead him by holding onto his wrist or his arm, but he didn’t want her to get mad at him for holding her hand. Clearly something was wrong and he wanted to give her some space. He didn’t want her to have to drag him so he sped up so that he was next to her. When she noticed she was no longer dragging him, she let go of his wrist. She wanted to hold his hand, but she would never tell. They walked side by side down the long path. When he reached over and took her hand, despite what his instincts told him, she smiled. It was a small smile and he didn’t notice it. But, it was a smile nonetheless. The two slowly continued walking in silence until the path began to end. It was by a river bed, and there was a tire swing hanging from a nearby tree.

 

She let go and walked over to the swing and sat down. He went and stood by the water. The sky was slowly getting darker, and he wondered just how long they had been there. She had her head tilted back towards the sky and her eyes were shut. He walked over and stood behind her. He grabbed the swing and slowly started to push her. She was startled by the sudden movement, but when she realized it was just him she smiled and closed her eyes again. Her face slowly started to become a light shade of red. And she could feel every nerve ending in her body fill itself with electricity. She hoped he couldn’t tell how happy he was making her by just being there, but to her dismay; he could. He continued slowly pushing her on the tree swing while looking down at her head, which she now had tilted to the left. In his eyes she was an angel sent down from heaven to show him that even he could find someone who cared. Someone unlike his father. Someone unlike anyone he had ever met. Someone he would give anything to keep in his life. She slowly tilts her head upright and opens her eyes. The sun is slowly sliding off the edge of the earth and the sky begins to decorate itself with the most vibrant reds and oranges she has ever seen. The branches of the trees begin to sway as the wind announcing night had arrived, began to blow. She didn’t want to leave such a pretty sight but knew she probably would have to very soon. He let go of the swing and put his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him with a calm, but happy look on her face. For what seemed like eternity she stared up into his eyes. While staring into her eyes, he couldn’t help but wonder what she saw in him. After all, he was a worthless piece of s**t according to his father and most of the others at their school. He could tell his pain was starting to show on his face, so he fought to keep it hidden. He looked into the eyes that liked him for him, but refused to admit to himself how much he really liked her. Instead, he simply leaned down and pressed his lips to hers once more. She had been hoping he would kiss her nearly the whole time that they had been there. And, now that he had, she really didn’t want to return home. She mostly did not want to return him to his father. She partially debated letting him stay at her house again, but knew that there would be more punishment for him if he didn’t return. She knew there would never be punishment for her if she just happened to leave one day. After all, her and her family did not get along well at all. She knew that if he never went home there would not be a problem, but the second he showed his face in that house, all hell would break loose. She stood up and took him by the hand, attempting to lead him away from the swing.

Author's Note

im still in the process of writing. im not sure how much more i will be putting, or what exactly i will be putting for that matter. ideas are welcomee (: