his eyes were falling stars

where two off-beat hearts met

his eyes were falling stars

laced by forget-me-nots

his soul was a daisy chain.

 

her dreams were forgotten horse shoes

fallen, rusted, placed in deserted streets.

 

he sang with a lonely note

painted in a shadowed grey.

 

she lived in a world of tarnished truths

played out by carnival lights

and faded wall paper roses.

 

he found her on a rusty swing set

dancing to the pale tune of her heart.

and he waited a while to listen

to a melody that coloured the dark.

 

she smiled her tentative smile

daring to hope like the stars

and her heart sang louder each time

he took a step to her waiting arms.

 

they met as shadows amongst stars

but they lived as fireflies

wandering every sky…

Author's Note

Any tips are always appreciated. :)

Reviews

[Devons]

Effectively stimulating in its use of lyricism, both prosaic and poetic. The quasi-metaphysical nature of the imagery is at the core of this poem's lightness of being and fluidity. The balance between the prose and rhyme is arranged just right, and creates a rhythmic nature in an unconventional way; exploring style and technique, which serves somehow to convey its expressive and decorative elements with a persuasive and agreeable subtlety. The contrast between the tired, imperfect spirit of the girl and the sweet pseudo-perfection of the boy is rather evocative of the 'chemistry' of two meeting souls, and the nature of dark and light; catalysts for one another. A smooth, soft, winsome, and enjoyable piece of writing; which is also artistically pleasing. There is a fable-like quality too, and it is refreshing in the sense that it alludes to the approach of love rather than the usual subject of love itself - which is an over-played theme..

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

a lyrical beautiful gem~

[54321]

I am blown away! I read this aloud while placing images like a storybook. AMAZING!

You have such a descriptive imagination... forever prominent in my memory will this poem be. I must add it to my favorites!

[TAO]

Tips...? You need tips...? This is one of the most beautiful pieces I've ever read. I think you could be among those I revere on this site. I especially loved the ending: "they met as shadows amongst stars

but they lived as fireflies

wandering every sky…"

I think Devons said it all. You don't need tips; you need to be published (that is...if you haven't been already".

[ShaneBerry]

very nicely done! brova!

[Jack Inthebox]

This is lovely, quite touching.