Memory on a Paddle-Wheeler

remember that poignant time, 

we were on the paddle-wheeler

departing just after sunrise. 

the clouds hovering overhead, 

the smell of rain just before the droplets fell. 

you wore that diadem, 

over your head. 

no one saw. 

I did. 

I saw your smudged makeup as your eyes were

both watching the front, while also 

thinking of the sky. 

watching the sky, you were. 

were you imagining a dozer, 

shoveling the clouds to the side. 

to the other side of this country. 

never mind the clouds here. 

what an intervening thought; 

so many memories to bring together, 

yet they're scattered. 

don't know which ones to pick up. 

what an intervening thought... 

i don't know what thought to focus on. 

you took a portion of those, 

the pieces of mirrors on the ground. 

did you take them with you? I think you did. 

your eyes gleamed, just like the shards. 

i can't see through them. 

i think i suggested to put what you collected

in to a pail. 

but i think you once said, 

reflections can't be contained. 

i still look to the clouds of that day to answer my question. 

what were you trying to say? 

then that's when the rain came. 

and that's when the boat departed. 

i wish were on a gondola, 

and i being the gondolier.

so i can listen and watch for your words, 

as we roamed through a man-made rivers. 

so much of the words i've seen whirl around you and into your torso

and out through your ears and circling your nose again. 

only if i had more time to study them.  

the puzzle pieces. 

these thoughts are all-consuming. 

there's so much whirling around me, in me. 

like an untouchable vaccuum collecting it all. 

while i watch. 

we're always watching. 

we always couldn't do something. 

you see, 

the jackdaw sat at your crown. 

maybe it went with you. 

watching you as you journey to where you disappeared to. 

the sun dawned today. 

just as it has when the baiji flew in the water beside us. 

though we never met. 

memories say we never met, 

but honestly, i can only trust myself. 

the fishermen lie, 

so do the butchers and some teachers. 

i have only myself to confirm now. 

since you cannot.