First paw to new life

Willow starts her new life

Willow wondered around the streets dodging bypasser's feet.  Clouds formed toghter in the sky the wind stirred the brewing storm. Light flashed followed by a loud rumbling, like people were bowling in the sky. People hurried hoping to beat the rain. The people were either stepping on, around, or over Willow. All these feet and horrible New York City's rush hour traffic scared Willow in an alleyway.

     Rain started plunging down in sheets. Willow scattered behind a trash can. She was hit by a few raindrops managing to get through the tattered tarp draping over the trash can.

     Willow's eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand tons. She settled down hoping for a restful night. Her sleep wasn't very peaceful, she would wake everytime a drop of water would hit her neck.

     As day was breaking faint light streamed through holes on the tarp. She got up to streached her legs. Her feet wondered aimlessly though the mysterious alleyways. Everyplace she turned lead her to a rat, a cat, or a dog.

     a half hour before dawn Willow was passing aline of trash cans. As she was approuching a rusty one its lid began to lift, and two slits of light appeared. They glanced side to side. Willow didn't notice and continued walking.

    "Hi there lass." said a voice from a  boxer dog popping out of the trashcan.

     "Wh who are you?" she asked shivering.

     "I'm Rocket and who are you?" he retorted back.

     "Willow what do you want?'

     "Well, maybe for you to buy my here mat for two bones or a couple of juicy sausage links." he said as he held out a mat with stuffing falling out of five holes.

      "No!" she  huffed with disgust.

      "Well please I'm starving." he said as his plump belly almost touched the ground.

      " You are not starving all you need is a bath you low life scum."

      " You will wish you never said that." he pronounced as he got ready to pounce. " Because now you're gonna get hurt."

     Willow backed away as she continued backing up she hit something. She turned to see a lean, muscular, black lab starting to growl and conme to her defence.

     He ran to Rocket pouncing on him like a cat on a fence.

    He began scarping him then batting him back into a trash can.

     When he was gone the dog introduced him as Bandit, and offered her to stay with him for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Reviews

[Reuel]

I really like this story, alot of emotion in it. Er, Lets see, couple comments here..

In the second sentence, where you start it with "Suddenly..." Adverbs are never very good things to start a sentence off with. I personally try to avoid using adverbs as much as possible in my writing, as it falls back into the show and tell rule. If you could have the storm already approaching, and just at the start of raining, instead of just like popping out of nowhere, you could get around using suddenly.

What is Outragouse? ( All these feet and outragouse New York City's rush hour traffic scared Willow in an alleyway.)

What is a Pipul? ( said a voice from a pipul popping out of the trashcan.)

Down where Rocket and Willow start talking, seperating the sentences up a little more would erase the sense of confusion I get when reading the dialogue. Example.. ( I'm Rocket and you?") might sound better as.. "I'm Rocket. And you are?..." Same thing here. ( "Willow what do you want?')

Down where Willow says ( No!" she answered rudely.) You don't need the adverb. Show and Tell. Sorry I keep hammering on that x.x. The dialogue underneath already conveys her sense of disgust.

I have mixed feelings about the ending. It's a really good ending to this installment, but maybe if you wanted to add some suspense to the story, you could make him seem a bit mysterious?

This story is really great, and I'm really starting to connect with Willow. Keep on writing^^.

[lots fo love ♥]

i like it dont delete it write more