When the Journey Began

The rut is so comfortable

I forget that I’m in one…

Until the mud and clay

suck at my feet

and pull me down.

I gasp for breath and wonder why

as the walls of the rut

  tumble down around me.

 

Claws spring from the delicate hands of daughters.

Even if I can’t forget the sweet children are now grown,

     my heart is open to them like a mother’s arms stay

out of habit, and history, and old bonds they broke, not I.

 

Memories of their innocent doe-like eyes

     keep me off balance,

keening with the effort of owning empty arms

  with the need to rock and sing lullabies

    to soothe aches that no longer need my care.

I’ve helped to make them strong

     Encouraged them to let me go.

         So why am I surprised they do?

Oh mother dear, see here, see here

  We really don’t need you near.

 

Empty nest syndrome is simply so passé. 

  

 

 

I realize I’m in the rut again,

   But I can’t seem to stop the blood

That pours from my soul

   From the wounds I don’t dare speak of.

(They don’t show do they? 

Like the hem of a red lace slip from under your Sunday best…)

 

Mustn’t whine, mustn’t cry

Mustn’t make them ask me why

 

Mother: a temporary state of being that had all the earmarks of permanence

When the journey began. 

   

© 2007 C. Harter Amos

Reviews

[Bubo]

Empty nest syndrome is simply so pass�.

I dread that day when my "mothering" days are over and they move out and on............purpose served,
but will I be forgotten?!
Fantastic piece, the best I have read for ages, makes you really feel for all those caring mothers, and
made me think of all older Mums now on their own.

Mustn't whine, mustn't cry

Stick a needle in my eye

Mustn't make them ask me why

Really fabulous emotions portrayed.

[Blackbirdsong]

This is just wonderfully written and so true. What happens next is when they come back home asking to move back in or finally realize that mom was right about some things and come to you for advice. It's not over quite yet...just phases upon phases of the same journey we women have made since Eve. :)

Great poem.

[Charlotte Marie]

What a beautiful write! Very easy to relate too. Great Job!
Charley

[Michael X]

this is heartbreakingly beautiful, and shows the prominent aspect,
the clarity envisioned in a realistic emotional nature, touching,
causes thoughts to reflect upon the perspective of time, and how it
passes, and that alone is amazing, the form is very sweeping and
really adds to the overall effect, poetry how it should be, take care, mike

[Celtic Cat]

wow, that last line just ripped my heart out. Kudos to all mothers out there, I'm never doing it.
This is a fabulous write that should be widely read. For mothers, who don't stop trying to control even their 40-year-olds, and for children who forget that parents need love too. I just like it cuz it makes me feel sad, anything that makes me feel is good in my book. Excellent write. Your first lines completely pulled me in and the rest kept me glued till the perfect ending.

[Cdnsurfer]

Owww! The pain of releasing fully grown children into a fearful world, where they think they nothing left to learn from you. I'm sure they will return when they, too, have little ones and beg for some education! Nice and thoughtful piece. Truth, though not mine ... yet.

[Brette Medb]

This is so heart wrenching, this makes me wonder how my mother feels now that at the end of this year I'll be leaving for college and not only that she won't have me even for this one last summer because I'm leaving for England for two months to go wander about. Even if it seems they don't need you anymore believe me we do need our mothers always and forever. Just wait till they have kids of their own and they'll need more so than ever. Great write.


Brette

[Antony]

Mimi, you have said so much in this poem about the feelings of letting your children grow and go. Although it is our job to let them grow up and become self sufficient, we really don't want them to leave us and not need us. some of us feel the loss more then others and can never in our minds cut those strings.
Tony

[Helen Woodward]

This is so brilliant and spot on that I have no words to express how much I agree with your evaluation of motherhood. It's a nightmare when they move on....and expect you to feel nothing when they don't call...
When mothers have reached their 'use by' date they feel useless...
A beautifully written piece that should go into a women's magazine so that mothers everywhere will know they are not alone xx

[Buffi]

I live this poem. I am Mommy from a distance now. I love this piece. Thank you for sharing and putting it into perspective.

[Pauline Ramsey]

Wow! This poem speaks volumes to mothers everywhere! My son just turned three and it seems like I just had him yesterday. I'm also pregnant with my second child and I know that I'll miss them when they're grown with families of their own. I really hope that they remember me when the world embraces them.