Milly's Journal - Chapter 11 - "Not Too Far From Here"

A breakthrough starts to happen with Eric.

Milly's Journal
















Chapter 11
"Not Too Far From Here"

(Please be sure to read the Footnotes at the end of this chapter. It will help you understand why I write some of the things I do.)
Hi Dad,

I'm back! We had a really nice dinner (and I finally felt like eating it, thank goodness) and I just finished my homework a few minutes ago. I'm so sleepy right now and I'm more than ready to go to bed. But before I do, I wanted to write you again tonight to finish telling you about what happened at school today.

I think I left off at the part when Louis and I were starting our walk to school.

Since it was a clear sunny day, it of course made the walk to school more than painful. A few times I was afraid I'd have to run to the side of the road to throw up. But thankfully, I managed to keep whatever was still left sitting in my stomach down there.

Louis was certainly no help though. The whole way, he was either making fun of how terrible I looked, or asking me these idiotic questions. -- From "What did the drinks taste like?", to "Did I see any pink elephants?" He even wanted to know if I hiccuped alot!

Yeah Dad, I'm pretty sure he got those crazy ideas from watching how drunk people act in the cartoons he watches.

I wasn't going to fool with answering any of his stupid questions, and I was really wanting to get to school, so I urged him to hurry up and walk faster so we could hopefully make it there in time. I couldn't stand the thought of being late again, because this time we could actually get in trouble for it.

I was so glad when we both made it to our schools just a few short minutes before the first bell rang! But from now on, we really need to be sure we start to leave on time so we won't have to worry about the possibilty of being late again. And being late is not good! Especially when it's the first few days of your new school.

If you are wondering, Dad, No! The sunglasses didn't help with the headache as much as I had hoped, but they did help a little bit. And just getting through the school day feeling like I did was a difficult challenge for me, not to mention all of the embarrassing stares I got from most everyone in the whole school! Yeah, here I am, trying to make new friends, and look at what I get myself into. In fact, no one even wanted to be near me today! It was NOT fun!

Trying to pay attention in my classes to do my schoolwork was almost impossible. I think I fell asleep several times.

I tried to eat some of my lunch since I didn't eat any breakfast. But even doing that wasn't easy with the nausea still hanging on. Actually, food was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to think about!

However, by late afternoon during my last class, I noticed I was beginning to feel just a little bit better. My stomach had started to settle down, and the pounding in my head was finally getting less intense. I wanted to keep the sunglasses on for a little while longer because the bright overhead lights were still making my eyes and head continue to hurt if I tried to take them off.

But Dad, something totally unexpected happened to me after my last class. Something I think will really surprise you as I've had a bit of a change in my life this afternoon. And in my opinion, it's actually a pretty big thing.....

I was offered a job!!

Yes Dad, you heard me correctly, and I'm writing this while being fully sober. I was offered a job and....I took it!! Well it's kind of like a job in one aspect.

Let me explain.

It all started after the last bell of the day rang. Well, the bell actually startled me since I had almost dozed off again when it went off. At the time, all I could think about was getting back home so I could finish recovering from my drunkeness in my soft, comfortable bed. Even though I was finally feeling more like myself, I was still pretty exhausted from the long day, and I was anxious to get out of that school and away from all the snickering and stares the kids were giving me the whole time.

I got up from my desk and slowly dragged myself to my locker to put my books away and get what I needed to take home for my homework.

I reached down and fiddled with my locker combination -- which I was quite pleased with myself, because although there was a lot of fog still floating around in my brain, I was lucky I remembered the right numbers.

As I opened my locker door, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that someone had walked up and was standing beside me about a foot or two away. I turned to see who it was...and it was Eric.

Oddly, it was the first time I had actually seen him today. But remembering the condition I was in, he probably had been sitting in the back of the classroom like he usually does, and my mind just never registered that he was there. Same thing in gym class.

But this time, I knew I was certainly seeing him then!

I didn't think too much about why he could be standing there since he's been known to sometimes wander around while being unaware of where he's going or what he's doing.

I decided it would be best not to pay any attention to him, and went back to putting my books into my locker.

However, as I was taking off my jacket, I somehow noticed that at the same time, Eric was doing these weird, unusual movements with his hands. It didn't make any sense to me, so I tried once again to ignore him.

When I took off my sunglasses to put them away, I happened to glance over at Eric, who was reaching his hands up to his eyes, and then back down...as if he was taking off a pair of sunglasses himself. But the odd thing about it was...he had nothing in his hands! Then when I folded up the ear pieces, Eric pretended to fold the ear pieces of his invisible sunglasses as well.

Dad, it was one of the most unusual things I've seen him do yet! It was like he was purposely copying me. And it was also very creepy how he was looking at me...the way he was watching me so intently.

Even though the hallway was filled with all sorts noises and activity coming from the students racing around getting ready to go home, his full attention was focused on me, like I was the only other person with him in the entire school!

For a few seconds, I just stood there, staring back at him, waiting to see what he was going to do next. But since I stared, he stared. I'm not kidding, Dad! He was making me feel extremely uncomfortable.

About that time Mrs. Sherman came out of her classroom. She noticed the odd activity that was going on between Eric and me and had stopped to watch.

Still not understanding what the heck was going on, I decided to find out if Eric really was copying me. I thought I could test him by running my hand through my hair. -- And as I expected, Eric reached up and also ran his hand through his hair. I did the same thing with my other hand, and yep, Eric imitated me again by running his other hand through his hair.

I was completely baffled at why he was doing this. Was he playing a game with me? Like the "Mirror Game," or "Follow the Leader?" Or could he have been trying to be funny? Also, was Mrs. Sherman thinking the same thing? I was curious to know if she had seen him do something like this before.

But soon it began to become very amusing to me. I was thinking with the way he copied every single little move I made, I could have some fun with him! I couldn't resist the chance to see what stupid and goofy things I could make him do!

So...I stuck my tongue out at him! And guess what? He stuck his tongue out at me also! It was so funny!!

Then I put both of my thumbs in my ears, wiggled my fingers and stuck my tongue out again. And he did the same thing! It was hilarious! This was the most fun I'd had in a long time! I knew I was acting like a silly clown, but it was so entertaining to me, I didn't even care who else might be watching us! So I figured I'd keep it up!
















I put my thumb on the tip of my nose, wiggled my fingers all around, and again stuck out my tongue. And yes...Eric did it as well!

All of this caused me to start laughing so much, I totally forgot how terribly sick I had been! It was great!

But unfortunately, my little game with Eric had to come to an end when Mrs. Sherman interrupted me by asking if she could speak to me.

I told her I'd be right there as I took a few seconds to close my locker door and wave "bye" to Eric.

Although my fun with Eric had ended, he seemed to want to keep it going by continuing to copy everything I did...from closing my locker and waving, to even starting to follow me into Mrs. Sherman's classroom. He would have followed me all the way in, but Mrs. Sherman stopped him before he could go any further, and quickly closed the door behind her. He didn't leave though. He stayed right out there in the hallway looking through the window on the door while keeping his eyes on me the entire time. I felt sorry for him since he looked quite discouraged when Mrs. Sherman made him stay behind.

Though I knew Mrs. Sherman had seen most all of what went on between Eric and me, I wasn't sure what she wanted to talk to me about. And I was a little nervous since no one else was in the room but me and her. Mainly, I was hoping I hadn't done anything wrong. So as I was standing in front of her desk, I tried my best to make myself remain calm.

She walked over to me with a smile and began by mentioning how she was aware that I had recently tried helping Eric in gym class. So I told her about the several times I had tried to get him to catch a ball, and how each time he would never do it.

She nodded her head with understanding, and said that for the last year or so, several of the other students would try with the ball as well. And like it was with me, he would never make an effort to even try to catch it. She also explained to me how many autistic children act the same way as Eric does. So the way he won't respond when someone throws him a ball is not that uncommon with people who have autism.

Then she asked me if I had moved into the Patterson house. I told her I had, which led to her next question where she wanted to know if I had met Eric's Uncle.

I thought it might be a good idea if I didn't go into too much detail about everything that happened when I met him. So the only thing I said to her was that I had met him for the first time yesterday, and had briefly talked to him for just a few short minutes.

Mrs. Sherman became quiet and glanced down at the floor as if she was having trouble figuring out what to say to me next. She pointed to one of the desks in the front row and asked me to sit down.

Since she wanted me to sit down, it made my whole body tense up and I really started to get worried, thinking she must have something very serious to tell me.
                        















But I found out I was actually glad I had been sitting down. Because her next question caught me totally by surprise when she asked if Uncle Hugo had told me that Eric could fly.

Fly??

Wow! I never expected to be asked that kind of question!

I had to think about it for a few seconds, but I did explain to her about how he didn't go and outright say that Eric could fly, but he was sure hinting that he thought he could by the way he was never bothered with Eric standing on the edge of the roof. And of course how he kept trying to make me believe that Eric could never fall.

I think Mrs. Sherman must have heard Uncle Hugo say something similar to that before, -- because she sort of laughed and said she guessed that I could understand what kind of guardian he must be to Eric. And it's true. With everything Uncle Hugo said to me yesterday, it makes me scared for Eric even more when his own Uncle is not able to look out for him. Especially when he can't even make sure Eric stays safe in his own home.

You know Dad, I just can't go without asking God to please bless Mrs. Sherman for being willing to step in and help take care of Eric like she does. Because she was also telling me the fact that if it hadn't been for her support, the State Institute would have put Eric away a long time ago. From Mrs. Sherman's point of view, the state people mean well in what they do, mainly on account of when Uncle Hugo has been excessively drinking until he's not able to function normally. You never know what he could be capable of doing around Eric. Some alcoholic parents can become really abusive toward their own children and not even be aware of what they are doing. During those times, it's best that Eric is separated from his Uncle if it becomes possible his Uncle could get dangerous.

But...Mrs. Sherman also told me she no longer wants to allow Eric to be taken to the institution anymore. From what she's learned about how he's been treated there in the past, she strongly believes that he can't exist in that kind of environment.

And Dad, hearing that really bothered me. I mean, what on earth did they do to Eric when he was there? Isn't it their job to help him and take care of him?

But when Mrs. Sherman explained it all to me, it frightened me so badly, it just made me become even more furious at those people than I already was to begin with. I didn't realize how horrible this place was for Eric until Mrs. Sherman told me a heartbreaking story about a time that happened a while ago when Uncle Hugo went on a binge. Of course they came and took Eric away and made him stay in the institution for about a month.

And then, some of the most frightening words I've ever heard Mrs. Sherman say came out of her mouth when she said,...

"Milly, Eric got sick, very sick! He was dying!"

Oh Dad, my heart just sank to find out that Eric actually suffered at that place! I didn't know it was that bad enough till it made him get so seriously sick till he was actually dying!

I was so shaken up to find this out, my voice trembled when I asked Mrs. Sherman, "Why?...Why was Eric dying?"

She sadly shook her head and said no one knew why. But in her opinion, she honestly believes Eric had become so run-down and was constantly fearful of the doctors and assistants there with how they were always treating him, till he lost all of the strength he had to fight. Mrs. Sherman was convinced that he had just given up. He didn't want to live anymore. He wanted to give up, and let himself die.

It was so hard for me to believe all of this was true! But personally, I think I can understand why Eric felt like he wanted to die.

Dad, this is so very difficult for me to write about, but this is the only way I can understand it....

Except for Mrs. Sherman, Eric had no family there to love him, no one to be there for him. As sad as it is for Eric at home, he didn't have anyone to go and visit him when he was in the institution. Nobody was there just to tell him everything is going to be okay. No one was there to calm him and take away his fear. He didn't have one friend...not one, to reach out to him and show him that they care about him. And of course it sounds like Uncle Hugo never showed any care or love for him at all. And here he's removed from his home to be taken away to an institution where he doesn't know anyone. Everyone around him is always a stranger. They always appear very big and scary to him, and they treat him more like he's a wild animal than a human being.

Who would want to live in a world having to be in a place with people like that? With Eric's life being that way all of the time, I can understand why he would think the best thing he could do to be free.....was to die.

He also probably believed no one would be sad and miss him if he did die. He thought no one would care.

I think Mrs. Sherman could see how this was upsetting me because she came over and gently put her hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her as I fought away the tears and asked her how he survived.

She smiled sweetly. Though I could see her eyes were downcast, she got face to face with me and she said,...

"I had to fight for him, Milly...I refused to let him die!"

She went on to explain how the moment she found out how fatally sick he had become, and he wasn't properly being cared for, she went directly to the institution, marched angrily inside, stood right in front of those people and told them directly to their faces that she was no longer going to let them LAY A HAND on Eric or even get near him anymore. And from then on, she was going to be the only one who was going to take care of him until he got well!

She said at first they got strict with her and ordered her to leave. But she stood her ground and refused to let them push her around. She also threatened to report them to the higher authorities if they wouldn't submit to her request.

In the end, Mrs. Sherman was able to force those people to step aside, and she became from that point on Eric's official nurse.

She gave him nonstop care for about two weeks -- until he miraculously was able to beat his sickness and also...until he overcame his desire to die.

Since Mrs. Sherman is a full-time teacher, I just had to find out how she was able to manage both her job, and taking care of Eric at the same time. It must have been overly exhausting for her.

She shared how she would continue to teach for the most part. But before school and during her lunch hour, she would rush over to the institution to stay and sit with Eric by his bedside while giving him the proper medication and attention he needed. She would also go and take care of him after school. And there were many times, she would stay with him overnight watching over him. She wouldn't take time to sleep or get any kind of rest herself. Then early the next morning, she would head back to school to begin her classes.

It turns out, after Eric got better, they asked her if she would continue to look after him from then on. She agreed and made a promise to them that she would. Which explains how she is now Eric's caretaker today. (1)

Oh Dad, what a kind and unselfish person she is! To be so concerned for Eric's health to do all that she did, to ignore the exhaustion I'm sure she was in when she stayed those nights with Eric without any sleep, and all those extra hours she's given just to try to help him as a mother would. I am absolutely amazed at how big Mrs. Sherman's heart really is!

I was so impressed with how she gave so much of herself to Eric, to have such a deep compassion for him, I got up and gave her a hug. And the next thing I said to her was, "God bless you, Mrs. Sherman!"

She smiled and thanked me, as I sat back down in the desk.

Now here is where things start to get more interesting.

Mrs. Sherman went on saying that although she really wants to continue helping Eric all she can, that lately, she is not able to be with him all the time.

My heart went out to her, Dad. I know how difficult this must be on her, even though what she has been doing is so admirable. I am just so pleased that I got to know this special, amazing woman, and to also have her as my teacher!

She walked over to one of the empty desks beside me and sat down. For a few seconds, she was quiet while she was thinking about what to say to me.

After a short while, she looked me directly in the eyes and said, "Milly, I was hoping maybe you would help."

And there it was again, Dad! The very second she asked if I would help with Eric, that oh so wonderful, happy feeling started leaping joyfully inside me. The feeling that continues to happen within me at certain times when Eric's name is mentioned, or often when I see him.

But it was weird. In the middle of that special feeling, I noticed there was also a deep sense of doubt, and uneasyness, as if there was something else inside of me telling me to say "No" -- that this is something I won't be able to do, and I'm just not good enough to take on a task like this.

I believe it was because although I've always had the strongest desire to help Eric and get through to him, I just don't think I could do everything that Mrs. Sherman does with him. What she does seems much more difficult than the few things I've already done with him. And Mrs. Sherman is an expert in this field since she has worked with kids with special needs before. And me...I'm just a fourteen-year-old schoolgirl. What good would I be to help Eric when I've already failed miserably with trying to get him to simply catch a volleyball?

So even though I felt really, and I mean really disappointed about my decision, I was going to try to be bold and tell Mrs. Sherman I was sorry, but I didn't think I was the right person who could help take on her job.

Mrs. Sherman must have seen me looking anxious or something, because the very next thing she did was offer me extra credits, and said helping Eric could be considered my science project.

Still, the negative feeling in me was strongly outweighing the positive feeling, and I honestly wanted her to try to find someone else who would be better than me to be the one to help Eric.

I explained to her why I didn't want to accept the job, and that I didn't know hardly anything about kids who are autistic. In fact, autism was something that was very new to me. Before I moved here and knew anything about Eric, I'd rarely even heard the word mentioned. It was just something I wasn't familiar with at all.

However, Mrs. Sherman was so nice to me about it, Dad. She did act like she fully understood why I didn't feel comfortable with taking the job.

Then, she reached out and gently laid her hand on top of mine and told me that I didn't have to know anything about autism. But...she also said that all I really have to do......is to be myself.

When she said those words, Dad, I could literally feel the special, positive and joyful feelings slowly start to overtake the negative feelings I'd just had of doubt and fear. It was like something was letting me know that yes...yes I CAN do this. Maybe...maybe this could actually be something God is wanting me to do. And believe me, my heart, more than anything else, will always be listening when God speaks.

Mrs. Sherman and I turned to look at the classroom door. Eric was still there, looking inside and watching us. I noticed every now and then he would focus his eyes on Mrs. Sherman, but then he would start looking back at me. For a second, it made me wonder if he could hear what we were talking about, or even yet, if he somehow could understand our conversation.
















But Dad, when Eric looked at me, I saw something in his eyes like a sense of longing....like he was silently drawing me to him once again. It was as if he was speaking to me with his eyes this time, trying to tell me that yes...God is the reason I'm experiencing these things. It's God that is trying to reach out to me, so I can then reach out to Eric.

Mrs. Sherman turned back to me, while again giving me direct eye contact, and began to reveal something to me that I hadn't realized earlier.

While she was out in the hallway watching what was going on between Eric and me, she saw something that no doctor has ever been able to do with him.

To tell you the truth, I was very confused...what did she mean by that? I was totally clueless.

But she explained it all to me. She understood why Eric was copying everything I did. And the reason was....it was because "he was wanting to be like me."

At first what Mrs. Sherman said didn't make much sense to me. What did she mean by Eric wanting to be like me?

And Dad, I almost couldn't believe it when she said nearly the exact same thing Geneva said to me yesterday....that there must be something very special about me that Eric is able to see. So special that it's making him want to follow and mimic every single thing that I do....so that he can be just like me.

Hearing Mrs. Sherman's opinion on it all made me have to sit back and take a deep breath so the tears wouldn't come again. To think Eric now has that desire in him to actually WANT to come out of his shell and be someone like me, it just made me want to jump up and dance around the room! (No Dad, I really didn't. But I was so happy I almost came very close to doing it.)

All this time that it was happening between Eric and me out in the hallway, it never occurred to me at all what was really going on. I'm beginning to see just a little glimpse of hope that Eric can very possibly be reached after all.

But then the next few words Mrs. Sherman said to me are the words that have stayed in my mind almost constantly since I first heard her say them. And I keep hearing these words being spoken over and over again....."Milly, doctors have never been able to get a word out of him....maybe a friend could."

"A friend."

You know, that is one of the things I've been thinking about lately. Could I really be considered Eric's friend? Does Eric see me as a friend at all?

I tried to explain to Mrs. Sherman about how I wasn't sure I could be thought of as Eric's friend since I still kind of feel like I'm somewhat of a stranger to him. In all honesty, we barely even know each other.

But she assured me by saying that I didn't have anything to worry about in that area. She can see I have a deep concern for Eric, and she knows that I do care a lot about him. And to her, that is the definition of what a true friend really is.

After Mrs. Sherman described it that way, something pretty neat happened. Talking about being a friend suddenly brought back to my mind the poem, "Let Me Come In" I had written several days ago. (2) Remember Dad? It was the one I wrote when I had become frustrated after the first time I had tried to help Eric in gym class. Some of the words I had written were about wanting to be Eric's friend. I remembered how the words seemed to come to me out of nowhere saying exactly what my heart was feeling at the time. I also recalled when I wrote the poem, I had started to wonder if maybe God was trying to speak to me then. But for some reason, I disregarded that idea and didn't think much about it again until today.

With all that's been happening with me recently, I tried to put all these pieces of this mystery puzzle together: The poem that came to me out of nowhere, all of these strange but wonderful, happy sensations that happen inside of me at certain times, the way Eric has slowly been opening up to me when he has never done so with any other person before, and now with Mrs. Sherman asking me to help.

Could all of this really be God trying to tell me something? Could this all be falling into place?

My mind kept going back to the poem and the possible reasoning behind it.

And I don't know exactly why, but suddenly I had this big urge to show the poem to Mrs. Sherman. I hadn't shown it to anybody else or even planned to, but it was like something was strongly pushing me to share it with her. And since the poem continued to linger on in my mind, I decided to let her look at it.

Thankfully I had written the poem in one of the notebooks I was taking home with me, so I was able to reach down and take it out of my bookbag.

I don't know if Mrs. Sherman had any idea what I was doing with the notebook or not, but before I opened it, I asked her if she had time for me to share something with her.

When she answered "Yes," I excitedly opened the notebook and hurriedly flipped through it till I found the page the poem was on.

As I handed it to her, I explained about how the words just came to me, and that I had written it after the first time I tried to help Eric that day in gym class. I told her I really wanted her to read it and to see if she thought it might mean anything.

I sat there and waited anxiously as she took the notebook and quietly read the words of the poem to herself. I couldn't help but want to know what was going through her mind as she was reading. Part of me was was excited to find out what she would think about it, and another part of me was quite nervous, thinking maybe she might not think it means much of anything.

After she finished, she looked back up at me and for a second, I seriously thought I saw her eyes tear up a little bit.

The first thing was, she wanted to know if I really was the one who wrote the poem.

I laughed, but I answered her and told her that yes...I did write the poem myself.

Though I had already mentioned to her a little about how I had written the poem, she asked, "You mean these words just came to you?"

I smiled and confirmed that they did.

But then she sort of shook her head like it was a surprise to her.

She glanced back down at the page and read some of the words again, then looked at me while saying enthusiastically, "Milly, I am impressed! This is absolutely beautiful!"

I think I blushed a little. Having her respond to my poem in such a positive manner like she did made me feel pretty good. (I also started to feel kind of shy in a way. I guess because the poem started out as being very personal to me and I wasn't sure if I'd ever show it to anyone. And here I am showing it to my teacher.)

But I thanked her and let her know I was very glad she liked it, and that I was also glad I made the decision to let her read it.

After a few seconds, I was a bit caught off guard when Mrs. Sherman put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Milly, this may be a personal question, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but....do you believe in God?"

Yes Dad, that question was totally unexpected! I mean, the day I wrote the poem I thought there might be a slight possibility that it could be from God since the words came into my mind the way they did. But the thing is, I've always sort of kept my faith to myself. Although yes, I of course DO believe in God, and He is the most important "Person" in my life right now. However, I don't think I've ever really talked about God or my faith very much to anyone besides my family before. To me, I always felt better when I kept my belief in God to myself.

But I thought it would be okay to answer Mrs. Sherman's question, and I trusted her enough till I felt comfortable to talk to her about it. So I told her that "yes...I definitely do believe in God, and I've always believed in Him for as long as I can remember."

I was curious though to why she wanted to know.

Mrs. Sherman handed my notebook back to me and said how pleased she was to know that I did believe. Because she personally feels that there is a good possibility that God was the One who gave me the words to this poem.

Dad, I wasn't sure how to respond when she told me that. It was just something I wasn't expecting a person like a schoolteacher to say to me. I was actually speechless for awhile. However, it made me very happy she was thinking along the same lines that I was.

But then she began to tell me something I thought was so amazing, and I think you will too, Dad!

She first warned me that what she was about to say might sound very unusual or maybe even hard to believe.

She first brought up the day I came into her classroom when I was just a new student. She said she knew I would be coming into her class that morning, and she already knew my name. But when I opened the door that day, walked in, and she saw me for the first time, she said she could see what she described as a beautiful, glowing, presence that was surrounding my whole body, and this presence remained all around me for the rest of the morning. She says it was hard to explain something like this, but it was like she couldn't see it in the "physical sense" but in more of a "spiritual sense." And what's unusual about it is, she's never seen anything like this with any of her other students before.

At the time, she wasn't sure exactly why she was seeing me in this way. But it made me start thinking...if Mrs. Sherman was seeing something like this, is it possible Eric could be seeing it also? Could this be what might be causing him to draw a little closer to me like he is?

Now that I showed Mrs. Sherman my poem, along with the other things I'd told her about that's been going on with Eric and me, she really now believes that all of this could very well be one of God's plans He has for my life.

I noticed Mrs. Sherman blinked away a few tears that had formed in her eyes. She took my hand and held it gently as she said, "Milly, for a long time now, I have been praying and believing for God to bring the right person here to help with Eric, the person that will be the one who will see through to his heart, and will understand him. The person that will find the key that will unlock that door, and finally release him from his lonely and private world he has trapped himself in."

She added that she's tried so hard for so long to help him these last few years, and not much she has done lately has made any progress. And of course she no longer can spend as much time with him as she used to. So she's been fervently praying and believing God would send someone who would be willing to work with him. And better yet, someone who could reach him and bring him back out into the real world.

Most importantly, with all that she's seen happen with me and all that I've shared with her about my experiences with Eric, she feels that it's very possible God has chosen me to be the one He wants to use to help Eric finally have that breakthrough he's been needing for all these years. And most of all...so he can be set free...forever.

While trying not to cry myself, I also decided to tell Mrs. Sherman about the few times when I actually prayed for Eric, and the very moment I learned about his condition, I've had nothing but the deepest compassion and desire to go to him and be that true friend he's never had before. And that desire in me has been so strong and has continued to remain strong till even this very day!

So...guess what, Dad? I immediately told Mrs. Sherman that "YES" I would do it! Because at that very second, it was like my heart had just screamed at me to say "Yes!" And after accepted Mrs. Sherman's request and let her know my answer, the happy and joyful feeling grew stronger than ever before! And Dad, I really believe that all this time, the reason I was getting these wonderful feelings come inside me and only at certain times, is because it was God Himself, speaking to me. And it's becoming so much more clearer to me now. I now believe and know in my heart that I can do this!

After I told Mrs. Sherman that I would help, he eyes just lit up and she seemed to be so grateful about my decision. She even began thanking me repeatedly, and telling me how much she appreciates me willing to help. She also thinks that this will be an experience I will never forget.

Oh Dad, I wish so much that you could be here so you could meet Mrs. Sherman. She is one of the sweetest ladies I've ever gotten to know in such a short amount of time. She has one of the biggest hearts I think I've ever seen in anyone. I guarantee you would like her a lot!

At that point, it was getting pretty late. I knew Louis would be worried, wondering why I was late coming to get him at his school. So I stood up and told Mrs. Sherman that I really should be going.

But before I left, I made sure to tell her she could forget about giving me extra credit. Because I honestly wanted to do this for no other reason than to help Eric.

Once again she smiled at me and said it was okay.

She also thought it would be a good idea if I showed up a few minutes earlier tomorrow morning before school started so that she could explain to me some of the things she does when she works with Eric. I of course said I'd be happy to.

As I turned to leave, Mrs. Sherman called out my name. I looked back to see what she wanted. All she said to me was,...

"God bless you, Milly, I'll be praying for you!"

I smiled back at her and thanked her.

Dad, I am so blessed I'm getting to know Mrs. Sherman. I feel like I'm growing closer and closer to her every day!

When I opened the door to go, Eric was still there, and yes he was still looking at me. I was going to just walk on past him, but something stopped me.

I wasn't sure why I did this, or what it was that made me want to stay. But as I stood in front of him, I was completely captivated by his eyes for some reason. I hadn't really noticed how bright and beautiful they were at the moment. And when he was looking at me, I suddenly saw that same sparkle I had seen the other day. Although he never smiled, and he still had his usual blank expression on his face, I could actually see a difference when I was looking back at him. It was like his eyes, for the first time ever....were showing me he was feeling happy.

I knew I should have already been heading for home, but I didn't want to leave. I seriously wanted to stay there with him for awhile. I don't understand what it was exactly, but I know I was having some kind of special connection with him. And I think it's very likely he was experiencing the same connection that I was.

Mrs. Sherman must have had to work with Eric this afternoon or something because she then came over, took Eric's arm and led him back into the classroom with her.

Well I was finally ready to leave, so I said "good-bye" to both Mrs. Sherman and Eric and hurried on to Louis' school.

Oh and another thing. As I was walking back home this afternoon, I realized I was feeling much better physically. I was actually feeling normal again. The headache was gone and I also noticed I had a little more energy. And best of all, I was happy! Very very happy!

When we got home, Louis also was acting like he was in a happier mood. He did try again to get me to tell him about what it was like when I was drunk. But I told him to just forget it, that I was feeling much better, and it's now all in the past. I think it disappointed him that I was back to myself because he no longer had any reason to make fun of me anymore.

These good moods must have been contagious because when Mom got home from work, she too was in a better mood than usual. She was still tired after her long day, but I could easily tell she was a lot more cheerful.

Dinner went really well tonight. Mom was telling us how Mr. Brandt was treating her nicely today. And he even took a few minutes during his lunch hour to help her out on the computer...although it was just some of the basic things most people can easily catch on to quickly.

Then I eagerly shared about my talk with Mrs. Sherman and how I'm going to be stepping in to help with Eric. Mom seemed to be happy and pleased with me that I agreed to take on the job. She was even telling me she believes that this is something I will find very easy to do, and that I could really benefit from this kind of experience. I hope she is right.

Louis didn't act like he cared or was interested at all. But I didn't really expect him to say much anyway. I think he had his mind way off in outer space somewhere as he so often does.

After dinner, Louis took off to the family room to play his video games. I knew this would be a good time to talk to Mom since she and I were then alone in the kitchen.

As I helped take the dishes to the sink and clear the table, I made sure to again let her know how sorry I was about my little fiasco I had with Geneva. I was still feeling absolutely terrible about my mistake, and it was really weighing me down with regret. I just needed something to help me feel better about it all. Because nothing could erase it and make it as if it never happened.

I told Mom how this was really bothering me, and that if there was a way I could go back and change everything, I would do it in a heartbeat.

She came over to me and gave me a gentle hug. And the next few words she said to me were exactly the words I needed to hear.

She said she knew how distressing all of this was to me. But she showed me the most important thing was, that I had already taken the first step to overcoming a burden like this, when I knew in my heart that what I did was wrong, and that I asked her for her forgiveness. She said once that takes place is when trust comes in. She reminded me how she had told me earlier today she honestly trusts me from now on to make the right choices in my life. Also, she pointed out that I should only be looking forward, and I need to keep looking forward, while letting the memories of this mistake go. And I should never look back. Because looking back will only cause me to stay bound with the negative thoughts about myself that I've had, and it will make me keep feeling ashamed of myself.

Oh Dad, I love Mom so much! She always seems to know the right thing to say when I need it the most! And knowing she trusts me after what I did, makes me want to try my hardest to always be the best daughter to her that I can be!

I started to laugh and said how I was getting myself prepared for her to ground me.

She began laughing along with me and admitted how she had seriously thought about it, but decided just to let it all go. She believes I'm being honest when I say I've learned my lesson, and that I'll never let this happen again.

She also explained how I'll always be making all kinds of mistakes throughout my lifetime. And that every one of us will be making mistakes, some big, some small, and there's no avoiding it. And there will be many more times when I'll be tempted to do something wrong. But I know when that happens, I need to go to God and ask Him to help me to make the right decisions and the right choices in what *HE* would want me to do.

Dad, I'm so glad I had the chance to share my heart with Mom tonight. I know it was not only a blessing to me, but it was a blessing to her also.

I then went over and gave Mom a big long hug. I told her how much I loved her and how happy I was to have her as my Mom. She held me in her arms for awhile and said she loved me too, and was so very blessed she had me in her life.

I hadn't really hugged Mom like that in quite awhile, and it felt so good to feel her strong, loving arms embracing me tightly. It made me feel like I was a little girl again.

So for the next few minutes, both Mom and I stood there together in the kitchen tonight and did nothing else but hold each other. We took some time to let the love flow between us, the special kind of love that only a mother and daughter can share. This was something the both of us needed to do for a very long time. And I'll never forget about this moment I had with Mom...ever!

After the kitchen was cleaned up, I said "good-night" to Mom and Louis, and came up to my room to start on my homework. Since I had been dozing off today during most all of my classes, I had quite a lot of work to catch up on. I wanted to get an early start on it so I wouldn't be up half the night finishing it.

Anyway, a few minutes ago, I had a really neat experience happen to me!

I was sitting on my bed, busy with a paper I had to write for English, and I had the radio on. (Now Dad, I know what you're thinking, and no! You don't have to worry...I had the volume on "low" so I could concentrate on my work.)

But I was just sitting there, and this new song came on that I'd never heard before. There was something about the lyrics in the song that had me stop and go over to the radio to listen to it more closely.

I found out the singer's name was "Kim Boyce" and the song was called "Not Too Far From Here." And Dad, the words to the song were just...it's hard to describe, but it was like the words were confirming to me that I really am the person who God wants to use to help Eric. It seemed like the lyrics were literally speaking to me, also telling me that I did the right thing by saying "Yes" to Mrs. Sherman.

I loved the song so much I had to quickly find a tape to record it because I just HAD to listen to it again! Well...truthfully, I've played it several times tonight. And the more I listen to it, the more I believe I was meant to hear this song tonight. I think it is so amazing how God can speak to you in different ways...but it's especially amazing when He can actually speak to you through words in a song!

(GO TO THIS LINK TO SEE THE MUSIC VIDEO I MADE WITH THIS SONG AND WITH REAL MOVIE SCENES FROM "THE BOY WHO COULD FLY")



Not Too Far From Here - Kim Boyce (By Faith)

Somebody's down to their last dime,
Somebody's running out of time,
Not too far from here

Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here

And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me Lord to wipe away a tear
'Cause somebody's crying
Not too far from here

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here

Somebody's forgotten how to trust
Somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here

It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me and take away the fear
'Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here

Help me, Lord, not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest while those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds the road of life too steep

Now, I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak your love to every needful ear
Jesus is waiting
Not too far from here
Jesus is waiting
Not too far from here --

Yep I think this is going to end up on my favorite song list for sure! It is just beautiful!!

Well Dad, I think I'm going to end this letter to you for now. I should get to bed so I can get an earlier start to school tomorrow since I'll be meeting with Mrs. Sherman before class begins. Or maybe Mom can drive me and Louis to school since she leaves for work earlier anyway.

Oh I am so excited about this Dad! This is something I really want to do!

Right now I believe my life is starting to make a change. And this time, it's a positive thing! And I plan to share every single bit of it with you, Dad!

So...Good-night, Daddy!
I am so proud to have you as my Dad! I love you, so SO MUCH!!! ---

Milly

FOOTNOTES BY LYNN MCFALL:

(1) In the movie it wasn't explained how Eric got well and lived. So...I wanted to see what I could come up with on my own. And having Mrs. Sherman be the one to go and spend a lot of her time and energy to make sure he got well and fought for him when he was that sick was the best idea that I could come up with. You know...at times like this, I wish I could have a chat with Mr. Nick Castle. - (Writer/director of "The Boy Who Could Fly") I'd absolutely love to be able to ask HIM how he thought Eric pulled through, since this movie was Nick's creation! He probably had better ideas than I did. But in this story, I felt like making Mrs. Sherman a very caring and loving person to Eric as well as Milly being loving and caring to him also. And I thought having Mrs. Sherman take care of Eric when he was sick was a very sweet thing for her to do, so I decided to write about that scene in that way. Also, while typing up this chapter, I suddenly got the idea to having Milly share her poem she wrote earlier in this story to Mrs. Sherman...and then have it revealed that Mrs. Sherman has a faith in God also. So I ended up having to stop typing to actually go back and write that extra part in when I hadn't even thought about it earlier.

(2) The poem, that I had Milly write and show to Mrs. Sherman, if you remember, is the same poem I have in Chapter 7. "Let Me Come In." -- Actually it's a poem that I wrote myself. LOL! And some good news....a tune has finally come to me for this poem to be a SONG!!! And I've been playing it on the keyboard these last few weeks...am I singing it too? NO!! Since I can't sing worth a hoot! LOL! Hopefully someday, if it's God's will, He'll lead someone to me who CAN sing and maybe I'll have them sing the song and I can play along with the keyboard. But maybe someday I can just record that - the keyboard part. Just NOT ME SINGING IT! :0)

(3) "Not Too Far From Here" - By Kim Boyce From the album - "By Faith" - Warner Alliance (c) 1993 Shepherd's Fold Music BMI and Ariose Music ASCAP (divisions of Starr Comm.) Admin. by Gaither Copyright Management

If you want to get in contact with me for anything, E-mail Me: [email protected]

Author's Note

Hope you like the music video I made that goes along with the song and my story.