Milly's Journal - Chapter 7 - "Invisible Walls"

Milly sees Eric face to face for the first time / Louis has bad news he received at school.

                    Milly's Journal









Chapter 7 Invisible Walls

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(Please be sure to read the Footnotes at the end of this chapter. It will be of help to you to understand certain things I write about better.)

Dear Dad,
Thankfully you'll be happy to know that compared to yesterday, this morning went much more smoothly. I was already up, of course, and Mom and Louis got up shortly after the sun came up. We were all in better moods and the house was in a quiet and relaxed atmosphere. With not having to rush like we did yesterday, it was great to get ready to go and to actually breathe normally. All three of us were even able to sit down at the kitchen table and have a little breakfast together. We also had time to spend a few minutes talking with each other once again as we ate which is such a great way to start a new day! I'm really hoping that we can start our days more calmly like this from now on.

Many times this morning I would look out over to Eric's house hoping I would get a glimpse of him so I'd know he was doing okay. But the whole time his house was quiet, and the car I saw in his driveway last night was gone. I never saw Eric at all or even his Uncle Hugo. I did have to remind myself to try to think and hope for the best, and tell myself that he is safe now. And that what happened with him last night will hopefully never happen again. Even Mom asked me if I knew if he was all right today. So I'm glad she's still concerned about him also.

Shortly after breakfast, Mom started off to go to work. Before she left, I could tell she was still a little nervous about going back because of all the trouble she had yesterday. As she turned toward the door to leave, I went over and gave her a big hug. I reminded her that I know she is a very smart person and that she'll figure things out in no time! I think that meant something to her because she gave me a huge bear hug back...(so big she almost lifted me off the ground,) thanked me and said she too is telling herself to believe she can do it!

After she gave Louis a hug and kiss on the cheek, she told us both to have a good day at school and went out the door to the car. Together Louis and I waved goodbye to her while we stood at the door and watched her go.

Daddy, she seemed so much happier this morning, even though I know she was still feeling uptight about it all. But I can tell that her confidence in herself is growing stronger. It made me feel so good to see her smiling again. I just know things are going to get better for her.

After Mom drove away, I told Louis to take Max out for a quick walk and then we would start on our walk to school. And hey, I even noticed that Max was acting happier today too. I'm sure it's because he was seeing that we were calm and more cheerful today after he saw how we were all going absolutely crazy yesterday.

It was such a beautiful morning today Dad! I was really grateful we were able to walk to school so we could enjoy it. Bright blue sky, and nice and warm with a gentle breeze blowing. The walk also helped me to feel quite refreshed and ready to tackle the second day of school. And with weather like this, it was just perfect to spend some of it outside.

On our way to Louis' school, I asked him how he was feeling - if he felt any better about it being his second day. He told me he actually felt a little braver about it today, now that he knew who his teacher was and who some of his classmates were. He now has an idea of what to expect. I added that surely today just has to be better than it was on our first day. And hopefully we'll both make a new friend or two.

But Dad, I have to say it was really nice that I could chat with my little brother for awhile again. Especially since we were both feeling the same way about our second day of school. It's not often that he and I share the same feelings about something, so I always cherish times like this that I can have with him.

As we reached the entrance gate of Louis' school, before he went inside I made sure to ask him if he finished all his homework. He gave me a huge smile and said, "All finished.....no problem!!" Yes Dad, I was so very proud of him! I knew he hated having homework after the first day of school. I mean, who wouldn't? But it was just wonderful he made sure to get it finished and ready to hand in.

I gave him a quick goodbye hug and watched as he bounded into the schoolyard amid many of the other children and quickly went inside. Once again I have to say Dad, he's growing up way too fast! If only time could slow down for a little while.

As I started on walking to my school, I too was feeling a lot more confident in myself and made myself believe that this day was going to be a much better school day for me as well. I was also very eager to get to school to see if Eric would be in class. So I picked up the pace and hurried on my way to get to Taft High School.

As I went inside Mrs. Sherman's first class to go to my desk, I was absolutely relieved when I saw Eric sitting in the back of the room in the same place he was yesterday. As usual, he was there by himself staring blankly at the wall. He wasn't even aware of all the noise going on around him of the other kids as they entered the classroom. Though he looked the same, I was just so glad to see that he seemed to be okay. Because I had done quite a lot of worrying about him after I saw how horribly he was treated last night. In fact, I even started to go over to him. But I hesitated and thought after last night, he's probably extremely scared of people being near him now. So I decided the best thing to do was to leave him alone.

During class, Mrs. Sherman went and sat beside him. He stayed still and acted calm the whole time she worked with him. I think it's so good that he has her to trust. Because even if he shows no response to her at all, he will let her get close to him. And Mrs. Sherman seems to be a very caring person and is willing to take some time from teaching her class to sit and work with him.

After the first class ended, I dearly wanted to go up to Mrs. Sherman's desk to ask her about what happened at Eric's house last night and why. But the more I thought about it, I thought it would be better not to. It really wasn't my business to begin with, no matter how much I cared about what I saw going on. And I also didn't want Mrs. Sherman to know I was watching either. So I just let it go.

The rest of the day went okay. Kind of. I did get a bit of homework to do....whoopee!! (Yes Dad, that is sarcasm!) But like yesterday, I didn't really talk to many people. But that's all right. I know that in time, things will look up eventually.

But Dad, sometimes I do wish I could go back to my old school where I had my close friends. I miss them so much!! I found myself really missing them the most when I was in my gym class today. It seemed like every single person in that class had a best friend with them. Everyone I saw was laughing and having fun with each other. It made me feel very alone.

One of the popular girls whose name is Mona was with her boyfriend who gave her a ring. She got so excited and kissed him on the cheek to thank him. Dad, back home I didn't have a boyfriend. I wasn't really ready to have one. But seeing how happy this girl was, and seeing how much this guy loved her....it kind of made me wish I had someone to love me like that. It made me really sad to watch. I know, maybe I'm being selfish, but sometimes it's good to long to be loved.

Anyway, it turns out he invited her to the school fair, (which is a little over two months away,) and since she agreed to go with him, he gave her the ring because he was so "overwhelmed with passion."...Well that's what I overheard her saying to her friends. Who knows if that was the real reason he gave it to her though.

But you know, part of me is just longing to be one of those girls. To be popular and have a boyfriend who loves me...and another part of me doesn't. Honestly, I think my heart is just longing to make some new friends at this school, to have people here like me and want to get to know me. For now, I'll just try to take things one day at a time and see what happens. After all, I've only been to this school for two days.

However, then I realized that I really wasn't the only one alone in gym class today.

As the class got ready to start their warm-ups, I looked up towards the top of the bleachers. And there he was....sitting all by himself looking very sad and alone. Yes it was Eric. He was just gazing up at a window on the wall above him with a constant blank stare on his face. He was sitting there so still, not moving at all.

What's even sadder Dad is when I saw a few of the kids look up at him and tease him. Some would point at him, laugh, and then whisper things to their friends which I could tell that they were certainly not saying anything good about him. A few of the kids would look at him and then roll their eyes. And there were even some that would go ahead and yell out loud cruel words to him, and call him these horrible, ugly, mean names! Although Eric wouldn't show any reaction to them, I just know he was hearing every single word. It made me so angry!!

Why do kids have to do this Dad? Just because someone is different. Why do they think it's fun to hurt someone like that? Don't they have any idea how it feels themselves to be hurt? And why won't any of these kids try to be a friend to him? Could they be scared of him because of how he acts? But sadly, as you know I myself felt really creeped out by him when I first saw him the day we moved in. When I realized I was guilty of feeling that way, my heart changed. And I hope I never find myself feeling that way about a person like Eric ever again.

Thankfully the gym teacher did stop the kids when she saw what they were doing, however I feel it won't stop the pain and hurt it has caused Eric. I know a pain like that is hard to heal when someone has hurt you that deeply. Even cruel words can hurt as much as if they hurt you physically. And I know how it feels to have someone say horrible things to you...believe me, it hurts!!

My gym teacher is really nice Dad. Her name is Mrs. D'Gregario and she's really good at being a gym coach. I like her! She's funny sometimes too.

Anyway, today we were going to play volleyball. But before the game, she had us continue to do our warm-ups. While everyone started moving around and getting things ready to start the game, Mrs. D'Gregario asked the class if anyone would volunteer to warm-up with Eric.

Dad, when she asked that question, it was like something literally leaped with joy inside of me. But for a moment I decided to ignore the feeling and see if anyone else would volunteer. I thought that if someone had already been helping with Eric before I came to this school, they would be more familiar in knowing how to work with him in this class. But all I heard were kids snickering with each other. And I even saw several more rude eye rolls. I could tell Mrs. D'Gregario was getting very impatient that no one would offer to help. So she asked the class again, but in a louder and a much more firm tone in her voice. Still....not a soul came forward.

But then it happened again! I felt something inside of me burst with joy, and I felt kind of a tugging like feeling...way deep down inside of me. So I wondered...should *I* be the one to volunteer? How does someone work with Eric in gym class? Because it didn't look like he was going to come down from the bleachers and join in the game. Especially with the gym floor full of many other kids. But something inside me was urging me very strongly to do it! And the feeling was not about to go away.

So...I found I was not going to let myself take any more time in thinking about doing it when I suddenly let that joyful feeling come bursting out of me! Because before I knew what I was doing, I immediately said right out loud...to everyone in that gym..."I'll do it!!"

The whole gym went completely silent. Every single one of those kids turned their head and looked at me, most of them with their eyes opened wide in shock and disbelief that I would actually be the one who wanted to volunteer. The pointing and snickering started up again among a lot of them, but this time their mocking ways were directed only at me. But I just looked the other way and ignored them.

Mrs. D'Gregario seemed very pleased with me for being the one to volunteer. She smiled as she came over to me, thanked me, and handed me a volleyball. She explained that Eric wouldn't catch the ball when you throw it to him, but that I should just be gentle, but also be persistent with him. I told her I would and she thanked me once again.

Dad, I'm sure you're wondering how I was feeling after I volunteered. Yep! You're right. I was very nervous! I know I was just saying I wish people wouldn't be scared of those who are different. But knowing how after those people frightened him so badly last night, I was just nervous that he might think I was coming to him to do the same thing. And the last thing I wanted to do was scare him even more. Though I realized that this is something I feel I need to do, I still felt very anxious, and even my stomach knotted up a bit. I mean, I've never gotten close to Eric at all since I first saw him. I've always seen him at a distance. And I'm sure that I'm still more of a stranger to him. So I couldn't help but feel nervous about doing this. What would he think of me?

When I got to the bottom of the bleachers, he was still sitting in the same position, only looking up at the window and not moving at all. So..I took a deep breath...and made my way up the bleachers to him.

Since I didn't want him to think someone could be coming up to grab him like they did last night, as I got up closer to him, I slowed my pace down a little so I wouldn't startle him.

I quietly sat down in front of him....and Dad, for the first time ever......I was face to face with Eric.      












It was strange though. The very minute I sat down and was finally that close to him, the nervous feeling left me, and the same warm and joyful feeling I felt the day he and I were looking at each other in the backyard came flooding back into me. And I still can't figure out why I'm having these feelings, Dad. They just don't make any sense to me right now. But it was like something was strongly letting me know that I was where I was supposed to be at that very moment.

Anyway, I wondered if Eric was aware that someone had come up to him and was now sitting directly in front of him. Because he hadn't moved since I first noticed he was sitting on the bleachers. He was still just staring up at the window with nothing but a blank expression on his face. His hands were hanging limply in front of him and he had this very sad, empty and distant look in his eyes.

I decided to try to let him know I was there by saying "Hi" to him, then asking him if he wanted to catch the ball.

No reaction whatsoever. He just continued to gaze blankly at the window. I don't think he even heard me. So I thought if I gently rolled the volleyball to him, maybe it would cause him to respond to me.

Still nothing. The ball just lightly bounced off his hands and rolled back to me. I don't understand why I didn't get some sort of response. Didn't he feel the volleyball touch his hands? It was like I wasn't even there, Dad. Like there was an invisible wall built up between us.

Then I thought maybe he'd react if I said his name....Surely you'd think he knows his own name. And just for a second, I thought it worked! But unfortunately all he did was turn his head till he was then looking at the other side of the gym.

I tried waving my hand directly in front of his face a few times.....it was the same. Nothing. Not one thing I would do would get him to look at me.

In one last attempt, I decided to let him know I was there by introducing myself. So I said something like, (while pronouncing all the words I said slowly so he could understand,) "Hi, Eric, my name is Milly. I'm the one who moved in the house across from you. Do you remember seeing me over there?"

Silence. He didn't act like he recognized me one bit.

I even tried making small talk with him, pointing out to him the kids playing volleyball on the gym floor, telling him it looked like they were having fun. But once again...nothing.

It was so discouraging Dad! It's like he's in a world of his own - a very dark, silent and faraway place that only he can get to. And he won't let anyone come in.

But I noticed that I now have such a strong desire to break through those walls he's built around himself, just so I can go inside his world, find him, and bring him back out again.

But does he even want to come out? Does he feel safe in there where he is? Or could he actually be trapped, or lost deep inside his silent world where he is desperately trying to find his way out?

Oh how I wish I could help him, Dad. For some reason I feel it's like he's just wanting to cry out for someone to come and rescue him and be his friend. And he is begging for someone to reach out to him and love him. But there's no one who can hear his cries. No one.

Well it wasn't long before I finally felt like giving up. I was getting nowhere with him, and all it was doing was making me feel more frustrated. And any hopes I had in him were now quickly fading away. He wasn't going to respond to me or even look at me. All I was doing was wasting my time with him.

But..I was about to get up to leave when suddenly, to my surprise, Eric turned towards me and was now facing my direction. Could this really be happening?? Could he finally be letting me know that he knew I was there?

I could feel the hope quickly start to come back into me and I was beginning to believe that something good was finally going to start happening! I thought the best thing to do next was to try rolling the volleyball to him one more time.

But as I excitedly pushed the ball towards him, he slowly started raising both of his arms. And at the same time, he began rocking once again from side to side as I've seen him do so many times before.

While he was doing this, it honestly seemed like he was looking directly at me....at first. But when I looked at his eyes, something just didn't seem right. His eyes looked so...empty and so lifeless. It was more like he was looking right through me instead. Like someone looking through a glass window to the outside world.

Dad, he was sitting RIGHT THERE in front of me. But also it was like he was somewhere else - somewhere far far away. It was like I didn't even exist to him.

I tried to encourage Eric one last time to roll the ball back to me by telling him that I knew he could do it, if he would just try.

Still he acted the very same. Continuing to stare straight ahead while slowly rocking from side to side as if he were imitating an airplane in flight. And of course he remained quiet.

I knew then knew for sure that I was doing nothing but wasting my time with him, and I was beginning to think I had made a big mistake by volunteering to help him.

But what was it that gave me the urge to volunteer when nothing good was going to come from it? Why did I even pay attention to those feelings in the first place? What made me think I was doing the right thing?

Dad, I felt so discouraged and even defeated about it all that I decided to just get up and leave Eric alone. Who knows? Maybe somehow he DID know I was there and that was his way of letting me know that he wanted me to go away.

As I stood up to leave, I looked back at him. He continued to stay in that same position he was in, not even realizing I was getting up to leave. If there was just some way he would learn to trust me enough till he would let me come in to his life so I could be a friend to him. I think a friend is what he needs now more than anything else.

I went down to the gym floor and tried to join in the volleyball game that had been going on for the last few minutes. Thankfully the kids let me in and gave me a spot to stand in the game, although no one seemed interested in talking to me at all...as usual. Mostly when they would look at me, they always had an amused look on their faces as if they thought seeing me trying to play ball with Eric was like watching a freak show. And Dad, if you are wondering, Eric remained there on the bleachers by himself for the rest of the gym class period.

But at the same time...it was so unusual. Even though I got nowhere at all with Eric, I could still feel like there was something inside of me, way down deep inside of me that was reassuring me that I did do the right thing with Eric, and that it really wasn't a mistake. It was like there was some big important reason that I was the one who was supposed to volunteer. But why? Why would it be me and not someone else? I was having mixed feelings about the whole thing.

Sadly, I mostly felt like I had failed with Eric, and any hope I had for him was for nothing.

The rest of the school day wasn't easy for me. I was in a very miserable mood, and I couldn't concentrate in the rest of my classes very well.

However, I still couldn't ignore the fact that something inside me really had pushed me to offer to help with Eric. I couldn't stop thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried. In Study Hall, I was supposed to work on a paper for science class, and start studying for a test I have next week. But I ended up writing a poem instead. Actually, I hadn't written a poem in a long long time. Not since I was little anyway.

(1) But as I was sitting at my desk thinking about my experience in gym class, these words suddenly came to me right out of the blue. I sure hadn't planned on writing a poem today, but it was like these words were coming up from somewhere inside of me. It's hard to explain Dad. The words weren't audible, but somehow it was like I was able to hear them. So I grabbed my pen and listened for the rest of the words to come. And they did!! I want you to read this poem I wrote this afternoon, Dad. It's like I have such a deep compassion for Eric right now, that this poem has come up from within me...like the words are almost speaking to me, and that God has some special plan that He is going to use me for to help Eric.

So Dad, here are the words that came to me today....

Let Me Come In

I see you sitting all alone
In a silent world all your own
You feel like no one really cares
You're on a road that leads to nowhere

Oh how I wish that you could see
That the one in front of you is me
I really would like to know why
You always have that distant look in your eyes

Please let me come in
I want to love you and be your friend
I understand the pain you're going through
Because I've had a loss like you
You're trapped in an endless night
I want to bring to you the Light
And together we'll make it through
So please let me come in and rescue you

So many people push you away
Please know that I am here to stay
I want to walk right here beside you
I will take your hand and guide you

But the wall between us I can't break through
It's like I don't exist to you
I desire to get to know you more and more
If you would only open up that door

Please let me come in
I want to love you and be your friend
I understand the pain you're going through
Because I've had a loss like you
You're trapped in an endless night
I want to bring to you the Light
And together we'll make it through
So please let me come in and rescue you -

(Poem by: Lynn Hope McFall
March 2011 - for "Milly's Journal)

Although writing the poem helped me to feel a little better, unfortunately the day itself didn't get any better after school ended.

When I got to Louis' school to walk the rest of the way home with him, he was already standing at the entrance gate waiting for me to get there. I noticed he didn't look too happy either. I didn't think much of it at the time and I could tell he was eager to get back home just as much as I was.

As we walked, Louis seemed to be acting a bit unusual. He was kind of fidgety, kept looking around and acting like he was very nervous about something.

No doubt about it Dad, something must have happened with him at school. And I wanted to find out what it was so I could help him if I could. I thought if I maybe asked him how his day at school went, or if he made any new friends, he might tell me what happened on his own. But he wouldn't tell me a thing.

As we got closer to home, I started to worry that maybe he was being bullied again and he was too scared to tell anyone about it. So I went ahead and asked him if anyone was being mean to him or hurting him....His direct answer to that was a quiet but a strong sounding "no."

Still I knew something was very wrong.

So I reached over, stopped him, and pulled him over to me.

As we stood there on the sidewalk, I firmly let him know that I could tell something was wrong and that he needed to tell me what it was. And that we weren't going to go home until he told me.

For a few seconds he wouldn't say a word. He looked to the side and let out a long sigh as if he was trying to think of the best way to tell me. I then explained to him that whatever it was, I would try to help him in any way that I could.

Thankfully, after a few more seconds, he finally agreed with me. He reached over to his bookbag, opened it, and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

I could see his whole body start to tighten up even more as he handed it to me. With a slight tremble in his voice, he quietly told me that it was a note from his teacher. Since he was so nervous about it, I knew right away that whatever the note said wasn't going to be good news.

As we started walking again, I began reading the note out loud. It started by telling Mom that Louis was refusing to participate in classroom activities. Of course I had to ask him what that meant. With a big frown, Louis answered me angrily that his class has a "song time" every day after lunch, and that there was no way he was going to sing a bunch of silly songs with the other kids. I just sighed, rolled my eyes and continued reading.

I was getting more annoyed as the note went on. I even scolded Louis a little by letting him know that they are going to have to have a conference with the principal if he doesn't improve his behavior.

Once again I stopped walking, grabbed Louis by his shoulder and made him turn and look at me. I fussed at him for a moment and asked him why would he do something like this? I mean it was only his first week in school! And he was already into trouble?

Louis then threw me for a loop when he added that the note had to be signed, and that I was great at writing Mom's signature. (Oops....sorry Dad!)

But what really shocked me the most about the note was the "P.S." they added at the end. Apparently, Louis had brought his toy guns, knives, grenades, and flame throwers to school with him. Of course these kinds of things, even toy ones should not be brought into school, period! I did take a quick peek into his bookbag, and sure enough he had it filled full with all kinds of his war toys. I don't think I even saw any books or pencils in there. I was just dumbfounded that he would actually do this.

As we got to the house, Louis started with this ever so annoying whine in his voice as he begged me over and over again to please not show the note to Mom. Honestly, I was so exhausted and still feeling very discouraged about my day at school, I ended up telling him that I would think about it. Because seriously, I was just wanting him to shut up! And his note was doing nothing but making my day much more frustrating. I really didn't want to think about it anymore for the rest of the day.

I could easily tell that my answer calmed Louis down big time! Because he suddenly went from being very unhappy and nervous, to being all smiles and acting very relieved. In fact, he started to eagerly offer to help me with things around the house - from taking care of Max, to even saying he wanted to vacuum his room! And Dad, you know that is something he would never EVER suddenly want to do on his own. If anything, he'd think up excuse after excuse to get OUT of vacuuming. Of course I told him that vacuuming his room sounded good, and to knock himself out with it. Honestly, I was just glad to get him out of my hair for awhile. But all along, I knew he was doing these things just so he could keep me on his good side.

Anyway Dad, if you happen to be thinking nothing else out of the ordinary could possibly continue to happen today after all that...think again! Seriously, I'm not sure what exactly happened.

After Louis went to start the vacuum cleaner, I had gone into my room and was sitting at my dresser in front of the mirror. I sat there awhile, looking at my reflection, noticing that I really looked as tired as I was feeling.

Mainly I was thinking back about my day, wondering if Mom had a better day than we had, and things like that, when I noticed a small section of my hair had started loosing it's curl. I thought I might as well fix it. So I leaned down to get a curler out of my drawer.

But...when I sat back up, something suddenly stopped me. At first I had no idea what it was. But something just wasn't right at all! And it was not a good feeling. It was like there was something different that was in my room...something behind me.

My heartbeat even started to speed up a little as I could feel all of my nerves start to stiffen up. Whatever it was bothered me so much, I quickly turned around to look.

I couldn't believe it, Dad! There, sitting on my windowsill, right here in my bedroom was Eric! And this time he was looking right at me! I had no idea he was even there when I first walked in! How on earth did I miss him? How long had he been there? Had he been watching me this whole time?

Though I was relieved it turned out to be Eric and not some masked murderer, the shock over him showing up in my bedroom like that freaked me out enough till I had to sit there for a few seconds just to let my heart calm down from beating so fast.

He continued to sit there, not moving, but constantly staring....not at the wall or at the ceiling like he usually does, but staring straight at me.

I got up and carefully went over to him. As I got nearer to him, I asked him how he got in my bedroom. Of course he never answered, and I'm not sure why I even tried to ask him. But I was so curious to what he was doing in here, I got right up close to his face and asked him again. And as I expected, he didn't say a word to me. He just kept looking...and looking.....directly at me!

What I was I supposed to do then Dad? Did he want something, or was he trying to tell me something? Because I've never seen him approach someone on his own before. He's always stayed by himself, wanting to be away from people. Or if someone did get close to him, he made no indication that he knew they were there. So what was he doing in my room? What surprised me the most, more than him just showing up in my room, was the way he kept constant eye contact with me while letting me get that close to him. Because when I was close to him in gym class today, I couldn't get him to even look at me for a second.

Next thing I knew, Louis began screaming out my name at the top of his lungs. I had no idea what had happened until he was screaming that his shirt had gotten caught in the vacuum cleaner and he couldn't get it out.

For the next few seconds, I forgot all about Eric, and hurried into Louis' room to see what really happened. And sure enough when I got there, Louis was down on the floor pulling with all his might at his shirt...yes the shirt he was wearing, that had very well gotten halfway stuck into the vacuum cleaner hose. And it was not about to let go!

It was really a hilarious sight to see Dad! Louis playing a tug of war game with the vacuum cleaner, and the vacuum cleaner was winning by a long shot! I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud at what I was seeing! Louis however didn't think it was funny at all, and he actually had a panicked look on his face. But...all I had to do was flip the switch on the machine to "off" and Louis' shirt, AND Louis himself fell backwards as the vacuum released it's tightening grip.

Louis barely muttered a "thank you" to me as I turned to leave. I think he was starting to feel a bit embarrassed. I couldn't help but think the whole thing was quite amusing!

Anyway, after that crazy little escapade, I remembered I had left Eric in my bedroom sitting on my windowsill. So I rushed back to my room to see if he was still there.

Dad...when I got back to my room, I saw one of the craziest things I think I have ever seen. Eric was no longer on my windowsill. Nope. He was now sitting in his usual place at HIS house on his own windowsill.

I don't understand it! Was I dreaming? Had I just imagined that Eric was on my windowsill just a few seconds ago? Because I swear to everything that he was here! And somehow he was able to cross over to get back to his own windowsill in hardly any time at all. But how?

I went over to the window hoping I would get a clue to what just happened. Though our houses are close together, they aren't close enough till he could've jumped across. And since I'm on the upstairs floor, it's several feet down to the ground. If you fell, it's far enough down till you would more than likely be injured when you landed.

I just don't get it Dad! All I know is, Eric is not just someone who is hurting and needing a friend. He is also very very mysterious! There is something so unique about him...something I deeply desire to figure out about him. But I'm not so sure I ever will.

Anyway, tonight Mom came home right about dinnertime. She looked okay but she also looked very tired. So I did what I promised Louis and never said a word about the note. I know he's very happy about that!

Well Dad, once again it's getting late so I think I'll go get ready for bed. Tomorrow is Saturday! It'll be great to get a break from the craziness of school, even though it's just been two days! I know Mom and Louis will enjoy the weekend as well. But tomorrow we're going to try to finish up all we have left on moving in. We don't really have too much to do, thankfully.

Oh, Geneva called this evening so we chatted for awhile. I think the real reason she called was because she was bored and had nothing better to do. Ha Ha! But we did talk for a few minutes and would you believe she even had me laughing after a bit. And to my surprise I think I'm starting to like her now.

Really though, she is a nice person and she seems like she'd be fun to hang out with. So I invited her to come over Sunday afternoon. And guess what?? I'm actually looking forward to it! After all the craziness that's been going on lately, I think I need a real friend to do normal teenager things with, you know? And Geneva seems to be the only one interested in getting to know me, unlike the kids at school. And I'm more than ready to have a real friend!

So let's see what this weekend will bring!

And as always my Daddy,
I love you!!!! And I'll be writing you again soon! -

Milly

FOOTNOTES BY LYNN MCFALL:

(1)When I started this story, "Milly's Journal", I thought I might have Milly write a poem or write lyrics to one of her favorite songs. I myself also love to write poems, although they aren't very good and are very simple sounding. But I still love it! And I hoped I might be able to write new poems every now and then and actually have them be a part of "Milly's Journal." But I had just planned to see how it goes and maybe a new idea of a poem would come to me (and maybe even a song) that I could use for this story. As for this chapter, I hadn't even planned to have a poem added to this one. But I had an amazing experience when I recently laid down to go to bed. As I closed my eyes to go to sleep, (I still wasn't even thinking AT ALL about writing a poem or trying to write a poem) when all of a sudden, these words to "Let Me Come In" came into my head. I don't know where they came from or even why they came. But when they came, they came into my mind with a vengeance! The importance of the words in this poem for my story was so strong, I had to get back up out of bed, scramble around to find a piece of paper and pencil so I could write down the words that I was hearing. It was very exciting!! Also, the words were just perfect for that part of the chapter where you will read it in.

Not all of the words came to me right then, but the following day, more words to the poem came to me. Then the third day, the rest of the poem was written. It was just mind boggling how this poem just came to me when I wasn't even trying to think about writing a poem. They just...came. So now, when you read about Milly in study hall having these words come to her all of a sudden, know that that part is was really what happened to me when I was starting to go to sleep recently.

So now that you've read my poem in this chapter, know how blessed I am that I was able to share the words with you and the way the words came to me. And I'm also so very excited that it fit right in perfectly to this chapter!!!

If you would like to email me about anything, email me at:
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Author's Note

Reviews are welcome! Good or bad, but just don't be *too* mean to me. LOL!