When So Long Ago

Not quite a poem but not quite a story

When I was safe, I longed for danger.

I'd walk alone in the darkness, just to face my fears.

There is nothing in the shadow, there is nothing in the dark.

My mantra soothed my worries and I walked on into the night.

When my life was good, I wished for adventure.

I went where I had never been.

Travelling alone yet never out of reach of home.

To the city so beautiful then back home again.

When I was content, I wished for love.

I saw what wasn't there.

I tried to will it into existence.

Love cannot be forced, nor should it be.

This adventure I am on is not for the faint of heart.

Yet how can I be strong?

My support is too far away.

My friends and loved one all so distinct and yet so distant.

The faithful brothers, caring and protecting me from harm's way.(Bless you)

My mothers and fathers, guiding on my way,scooping me out of danger.

The watchers who saved me from those unknown terrors.

My boys, for they are not yet men, needing so much love and expecting it all.

I feel as though the rug has been pulled from beneath me,

And I have not yet hit the ground.

The sinking feeling strikes during the night.

When once my nights were full of laughter and music,

Now they are far too silent.

To be alone in one's mind is a frightening thing.

It can drive the most sane to madness,

And the most patient to question everything.

It has been not a fortnight and yet my soul longs,

longs for my safety, my good life, for my contentedness.

Will I never be satisfied, will I always reach for what is out of bounds?

I would not change my past, I would only make each moment truly count. 

Reviews

[ChristianM]

Awesome poem. I feel like this poem spoke a lot of what I feel as well. I feel the need to escape, to travel to places where I'm unknown, to have adventures that I only read about, and to live life to its fullest. I'm right there with you in this boat.