Utter Dispair

Something about this makes me want to cry

Something too fearful to describe

And it's everywhere I look

Every part of my day

Every step of the way

Every last sip I take

Never knowing if I should bring it closer

And smell the aroma

That deadly desire

To be more than I am

Or want to be

Or could have been

As I loathe the passing hours

Truthfully, I created my own disdain

And I sit in it presently

In twisted bliss

Presently, I share my dispair

My pride more decrepit than ever

As the rabbit hole goes deeper...

This is my passive loathing

Once ignored, now full-fledged 

And ready to eradicate

Every ounce of pretension

Every last bit of hope

Every chance of ascension

Too much, too soon

The spikes of the torture chair 

Starting to pinch deadly holes

In this dark, lonely lair

This is the seat of destruction

Inviting 

As most would percieve

I deserve this

I was meant for this

And I will have to endure it

As long as I live

This is the end of the road

I should've never used the lucid key

My clavicula into the unknown has betrayed me

Me and my dying, desperate self

Here, on this astral plain

This desolate domain

No longer sprouting the fruits of tainted being

These are the ashes of everything I'd never see

And would never hope to

In this time or theirs