Damsel in distress turns out to be caged cokatoo practising vocabulary

A fifteen-year-old boy walked past a four-story building wondering why he couldn't get a girl to like him. This was something that often worried him and something he hoped he could rectify this school season.

As he walked by he heard a voice coming from above:

"Help me, help me. Trouble, trouble," it said. And the boy's curiosity was piqued. This was after all the voice of a young woman, a woman he thought would be somewhere around his age. And what better way to get a girlfriend than by saving a girls life.

He started to scale the building and the calls for help came even more clearly:

"Rape, rape. Stop, stop," he heard and he increased his pace, clawing at the bricks with his hand and feet trying to get to the top floor. Now not only concerned with making the girl his girlfriend, but also concerned with making sure she didn't die.

But his youthful speed would be his downfall, and as he quickened his step, he missed a brick and fell three stories to the ground, likely fracturing a few bones on collision.

Luckily, a man who looked about thirty happened to see the boy fall and rushed over to check to see if he was ok. Not so luckily, the man was coming off a tough divorce and was looking to get back on to the dating horse --- even if only for a one-night stand.

So when he heard a voice above yelling down:

"Scared, Scared. Rescue, Rescue," he forget about the boy lying at his feet with the broken bones and instead decided to scale the brick wall to get to the female who was obviously in need of rescue. He put her lovely voice at somewhere around twenty-five --- a perfect age for a rebound relationship.

"Love, Love. Sleep, Sleep," he heard the voice say, and temporarily lost his focus as his mind wandered from saving the girl to having a sexual relationship with the girl and he reached for a branch of a tree that stood near the building instead of for a bar on the balcony and tumbled to the ground when the branch snapped as the bar would not have.

"Did you save her?" the young boy asked the man when he stopped yelling from the pain of his broken ribs.

"I did not," he answered. I let my penis reach for a branch and I took a nasty tumble.

"I did the same."

But help was close behind, and a fifty-year-old man came walking over to the two injured men.

"What has happened here?" he asked in a British accent.

"There is a damsel in distress on the fourth floor of this building," said the young boy.

"It's true," said the thirty-year-old man. "If you wait a few seconds, you will here her calling down to us to come rescue her.

"Rescue, Rescue. Save, Save," the voice said almost on command.

"That's a bird," said the man with the British accent.

"We know," said the thirty-year-old man. "But here we call them women."

"No, I mean that's an actual bird, like the things that fly through the air. That's my cokatoo, she's practicing her vocabulary."

"Oh, would you mind calling an ambulance then?" asked the boy.

"Sure thing, let me pop upstairs and I'll get that for you."

"Thanks," said both the boy and the man. And they nursed their broken bones until the ambulance arrived.