The right time to riot

Harry and Albert sat on their front porch on an unusually warm spring day. In their pastel coloured, short-sleeved polo shirts you could tell that in their youth, these two men would have had enough strength to carry a cow. Now in their eighties, their cow-carrying days were long over but from time to time, they still liked to reminisce about simpler times. Times when the people had more power and big companies didn’t exist. And if they did, they existed only at the behest of the people.

With nothing else on their plates, today was one of those times. And if a fly on the wall had enough patience to sit the day away, this is what he would have overheard:

“Nice day out Harry,” said Albert.

“’Tis, ‘tis Albert,” said Harry.

“Wonderin’ why there aren’t more people out in the street today,” said Albert.

“Too lazy I suspect,” said Harry.

“Too lazy for what?” asked Albert.

“Riot,” answered Harry.

“Ah, of course,’ said Albert.

“People used to always be out rioting in weather this nice,” said Harry.

“Yes they did. All kinds of protests,” said Albert.

“Remember the 40s?” asked Harry.

“Like they were yesterday,” answered Albert.

“We rioted every time something happened to us,” said Harry.

“Yup. I still feel a little cringe in my shoulder every now and again from the bail tossing riot we got up to,” said Albert

“Ayuh. Bad corn I think that was. Took out three fields just by tossing hay,” said Harry.

“Never had bad corn again,” said Albert.

“There was the rainy spring riot in ’48,” said Harry.

“Rained four weeks straight,” said Albert.

“Then we burned the barbershop,” said Harry.

“Didn’t rain again for 43 days,” said Albert.

“And when they tried to levy a tax on farm equipment,” said Harry.

“We smashed the windows of the Post Office,” said both men.

“But nothing compared to our hockey riots,” said Albert.

“Nothing did,” said Harry.

“The championship win in ’44,” said Albert.

“The championship loss in ’48,” said Harry.

“The police had never seen such rioting,” said Albert.

“Surprised ‘em every time,” said Harry.

“No rhyme or reason to why we did it,” said Albert.

“We were the pride of the country,” said Harry.

“Just don’t see it anymore,” said Albert.

“Shame,” said Harry.

Albert adjusted himself in his seat and turned his attention to the small radio sitting between them. He adjusted the antenna and turned up the volume. Then he turned the knob, wading through all the static before he came to their favourite all news station.

“Ahh, the news,” said Harry.

“Can’t ever have too much news,” said Albert.

Gas prices are hitting an all time high and there’s nothing to indicate a slowdown in the upcoming months. So how can you keep your monthly gas spending down?…Shelly Price has more from the Middle East.

“Gas is just too pricey,” said Harry.

“Someone should do something,” said Albert.

“Don’t think anyone’s tried a riot,” said Harry.

“Don’t think they have,” said Albert.

“Should try it,” said Harry.

“Nobody’s got the guts,” said Albert.

Cost of an average house is rising by the tens of thousands but the market should soon crash, causing homeowners into a selling crisis. There’s no end in sight and analysts are trying to figure out how the public should best handle their investments…Bill Stevens has more from Toronto.

“Woulda never happened in the 40s,” said Harry.

“Never coulda happened in the 40s,” said Albert.

“We’d a found a house to burn to the ground,” said Harry.

“Mayor’s house probably,” said Albert.

“Or the police chief’s,” said Harry.

“Today’s homeowner’s probably haven’t even thoughta it,” said Albert.

“Problem would have been solved if they had,” said Harry.

“Yep,” said Albert.

Food shortages continue to be seen across the globe with even the most well-to-do countries beginning to ration foods such as rice and beans and with the expected continual rise in oil prices, food prices are expected to climb as well. Is there an end in sight? Terry Mann from Texas, tells us no.

“Food, you hear that? No food,” said Albert.

“You can’t just sit and let there be no food,” said Harry.

“But they do,” said Albert.

“Why don’t they burn a gas station?” asked Harry.

“Or a supermarket,” said Albert.

“Where’s the gumption in this world?” asked Harry.

“Looks like it’s all gone,” answered Albert.

“Ever comin back?” asked Harry.

“Can’t see why it would,” answered Albert.

Turning to sports, riots rocked the city of Montreal last night as the home town Canadiens won their first round match-up over the visiting Boston Bruins. Yes, it was a first round victory. None of the other seven cities who celebrated first round wins reported riots.

In related news, the city of San Francisco is recovering from a day of violent protesting of the 2008 China Olympic Games. Police dressed in riot gear to protect themselves against those protesting the athletic competition being held in China.

“Well I’ll be,’ said Harry.

“Gumption,” said Albert.

“I guess it would be hockey that would get ‘em rioting again,” said Harry.

“A first round win though?” asked Albert.

“Like you said, gumption,” responded Harry.

“And those Olympics,” said Albert.

“Yep, the Olympics,” said Harry

“Looks like sports is still really getting people’s goats don’t it?” asked Albert.

“It’s still got mine,” answered Harry.

“You know, we don’t riot much ourselves,” said Albert.

“Too old,” said Harry.

“Nah, we’re not too old. Maybe we’re losing gumption ourselves,” said Albert.

“Us, too old. Bah,” said Harry.

“What you ever feel like riotin’ against?” asked Albert.

“Maybe you’re right,” answered Harry.

Last night in local Triple AAA baseball, the Montreal Sox lost their third straight game, prompting ownership to take a close look at the make-up of the team. Could a shake up be on the way? Steve Speed takes a closer look.

Now both men were shifting in their chairs, moving close to the edge of their respective seats so they could easily bounce up and cause some mischief if mischief is what they were both interested in causing.

“He say three in a row?” asked Albert.

“He did,” answered Henry.

“And they also said we’re rioting first round playoff wins?” asked Albert.

“Ay, they did,’ answered Henry.

Albert pushed himself out of his chair and walked over to his garage as Henry watched on. Albert grabbed a bat and started trundling his way down the lane way towards the street.

“I’m comin, I’m comin,” said Henry.

Henry grabbed a shovel from the same garage and walked down to the street with his old friend.

“Mailboxes?” asked Albert.

“As good a place to start as any,” answered Henry.

“GO SOX!” screamed Albert.

And with that cry, the two old men started whipping their chosen weapons wildly through the air, taking aim mostly at mailboxes but hitting anything they could.

“God it feels liberating to riot!” yelled Henry.

“We’re making a difference again!” hollered Albert.

And up and down the streets of Montreal, the people started walking out of their homes brandishing their own types of weapon. Some carried garden houses while others brought vacuum cleaners.

The sight brought tears to the eyes of the two older gentlemen. They had been presented with an obstacle and they were breaking things to get past it.

And in their rioting they were a city united.