Man provides photo for his own wanted poster

A man walked into the police station with a big yellow envelope held under his arm. Nobody stopped him as he walked to the front desk, took the envelope out from under his arm and thrust it down on the counter.

 

“Use this,” he said forcibly to the receptionist, who in return glared up at the man only to see crazy in his eyes.

 

“Excuse me sir? Use what” she asked him.

 

“Open the envelope and see.”

 

“What if I don’t want to, you’re a very scary looking man and right know I feel like you’re threatening me.”

 

“You have no idea. Now open the envelope and use it.”

 

“Use the envelope or use what’s inside the envelope? You’re going to have to be more specific. I’m now in a very fragile state and I’m having some trouble following your orders.”

 

By now, some police officer had made their way over to the desk to see what the commotion was about.

 

“Any problems here?” one of them asked the receptionist.

 

“I’m not sure, I’m supposed to open the envelope and use it.”

 

“Use the envelope?”

 

“No, apparently use what’s in the envelope.”

 

“Well what’s in the envelope.”

 

“She hasn’t opened it yet,” the crazy man said. “If she’d just do that, we could all see what she’s supposed to use.

 

“Maybe you should open it,” the officer suggested to the receptionist.

 

“I was going to, but then you asked me if there were any problems and I got sidetracked.”

 

“Sorry about that, go ahead and open it.”

 

“I did while I was talking, it’s already open now.”

 

“Well what’s in it?”

 

“Looks like a picture,” she said holding up a glossy photo of the crazy man.

 

“What’s this,” the receptionist asked him.

 

“It’s a glamour shot. I had someone take it at the Jean Coutu.”

 

“Why are you giving it to me?”

 

“Look over there,” he said, pointing to the Wanted Wall. “That’s me in the middle.”

 

“No way. You look so washed out in that picture. I’d never have believed it.”

 

“Exactly, it’s a terrible photo. Everyone’s been telling me I look sick in it.”

 

“Well you do man,” the officer told him. “It’s really not a flattering picture at all.”

 

“I know it’s not, I don’t even remember when it was taken. I could have just woken up or something.”

 

“So you want to use this one instead?” the receptionist asked.

 

“I’d like to, yes.”

 

“We don’t do colour wanted photos though sir, you’re really not going to get the full affect.”

 

“Could you make an exception? I mean they took like ten minutes to get the lighting right. Out of respect to the photographer I think you could use a colour photo.”

 

“Tell you what, I’ll go check with the chief and see what I can do,” the officer told the crazy man.

 

“I appreciate that.”

 

The officer disappeared into a big office at the back of the station and exited less than ten seconds later. He walked back to the front to give the chief’s answer.

 

“So?” the crazy man asked.

 

“He wasn’t up for it.”

 

“Oh come on, really?”

 

“Yeah, he said we should just arrest you.”

 

“Arrest me? For helping you out?”

 

“Yeah well he says you’re wanted and so we should arrest you.”

 

“That’s valid.”

 

“Soooo, looks like I got to arrest you.”

 

“Can I leave this here for your files?” the now apprehended man asked.

 

“Just leave it with me and I’ll use it next time,” the receptionist said, giving him a smile.

 

“Much appreciated.”

 

“No problem.”

Reviews

[ChristianM]

This was almost like a skit right out of family guy. the only thing I thought could be changed is the receptionist. Nobody who works in a police station is timid at all. I know it's supposed to be funny but when something like characterization is done wrong it takes away from the story.
Just that beginning part though.
Great writing though

[Edgar A Stonehill]

What I like about this (besides the humor) is your use of dialog. There is not a lot of ink devoted to describing the police station brick by brick. The entire focus of the story is the conversation. Even there you did not allow yourself to focus on the conventional pattern of using "He said" "She said" every time a character speaks.

In short, the conversation was extremely fluid.

Great work.

[Therene]

Familiar waters. Similar to the drunk woman who reported herself in a 911 call.

I laughed my a*s off, you have a very good depiction of the scene.

Good job.

[::Yv0nne::]

This is soooo funny!! I loved it..really. I always love a good laugh and now im looking forward to reading some more of your work. Good job:)

[Succubi]

funny. the guy must be really crazy. he might get out on insanity plea lol