Chapter Three

Chapter Three of Darwin's Theories.

Chapter 3

“So what happened?”

Darwin looked back from the window he was staring out of and found himself on the third floor of the university mansion’s bathroom-turned-classroom that he taught in. He had been in the middle of a lecture when he suddenly drifted off, preoccupied that he may see Nova again after this class, his first office hours since she contacted him.

“You said that if we all paid attention to the lecture, in the last 15 minutes of class you’d tell us the end of The Atherton Affair story,” said the perpetually alert Annie.

“Right, that. OK, so I had just gotten some surveillance of the three bald Board of Trustees and a mystery man breaking into the Finance Records department, where they took a file that could only be Atherton. Now I had to make a connection between Atherton, Joffs, and the missing portrait. So I headed to a place that I’ve gone to many times before when I was in need of answers: the library.”

Darwin headed to the Joe Piscapo Memorial Library (he had donated to the university heavily back when he had the money to do such things; now he works part-time in the library) the next next morning after his cloak-and-dagger adventure in the Financial Records department and returning the winch to the construction site that morning from which he purloined it. 

He knew that Atherton was the key to this mystery. Going into the college archives in one of the most unpopular spots in the library--which, relative to the general unpopularity of the library, where the most popular areas were the restrooms--was shockingly neglected, instead festooned with spider webs, paper ghosts, and other Halloween decorations that hadn’t been taken down since a party was thrown there several years earlier. 

Darwin pushed aside a plastic skeleton to get to the archive of college yearbooks, which used to be published yearly by smaller colleges until students realized they were in college and that yearbooks are stupid.

He took out the yearbooks from 1984 to 1988 and looked up the last name Atherton. In the year 1984 to 1987, there were three slightly different pictures of a homely young man with a large mole on his left cheek, tiny elfin ears, and greasy hair. Except for the fact that his name was William Atherton, he looked suspiciously similar to someone else Darwin currently held in his crosshairs.

“It was Joffs! Joffs was an Atherton!” chimed in the easily excitable Annie.

“Gold star for you!” said Darwin, and he peeled off a gold star from a roll of shiny star stickers that he kept on the lectern. He placed it on her notebook, which was covered with gold stars from this semester so far. “Now back to the story.”

Darwin found it interesting that Joffs/Atherton went to Wilson University for three years but didn’t graduate from it. It was also suspicious that he would suddenly change his name and moved to a low-rent college like Hublersberg. Considering that all of this took place nearly 30 years ago, there must have been a long-term plan of some sort. Darwin photocopied the three yearbook pictures of Joffs/Atherton and hid the three yearbooks in the drop ceiling above him.

Darwin then headed to his second-most trusted source for information: Karen in Finance. The window that he had broken the night before was letting cold air in and the maintenance department--a group as surly as the janitors were grubby--were arguing about the best way to fix the window while Karen wore a winter coat and gloves inside.

“I’m telling you, this is a 1911 industrial steel window, and what you’re suggesting isn’t going to work,” said a large man in blue overalls whose hands could turn someone’s head into mashed potatoes in an instant. “You prick,” he added thoughtfully.

“And I’m telling you that we could just install the 1905 hollow-core metal frame that we have stored in the basement and it’ll work just fine,” said his co-worker, a small, tense-looking old man who looked like he was forged by fire, “fuckface.”

“Those are some paradoxically erudite handymen you have here,” said Darwin as he strolled up to Karen’s desk.

“I wish they would just put a tarp over the window for now, it’s freezing in here.”

“What happened?” asked Darwin, hoping he sounded innocent enough.

“The window was broken last night. Probably some drunk students.” She crossed her arms and shivered slightly.

“Perhaps a rock got lost on its way home. Listen: what if I told you that Joffs isn’t who he says he was?” Darwin held up the folder containing the photocopies from the yearbook.

“I think even he wishes he wasn’t him.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Have you seen his ears?”

“Yes, they look something like this,” said Darwin, taking a photocopy out and placing it on Karen’s desk. She looked at it, somewhat puzzled.

“What is this?”

“This homely young man certainly looks like our dean Warren Joffs, doesn’t he?”

“Well, yes, younger, but...why is his name William Atherton in this photo? Where did you get this?”

I told her about the yearbooks, how I had found out Joffs had changed his name when he was 21, and that one of the Board of Trustees was also named Atherton and whose portrait is currently missing. Karen shook her head.

“That can’t be true. There’d be records. People would figure it out.”

“Why would they? We’re a small, private university with less than 5000 students at any given time. The only way anyone would figure it out is if there were any records that could tie this conspiracy together. I can tell people that Joffs is Atherton and he’s colluding with a family member on the Board of Trustees, but what proof do I have? Some yearbook photos?”

“Well...there would be one record that would prove that he went here. Right in this department, in fact.”

“Go take a look for Atherton 1984 to 1988. You’re not going to find it. Somebody’s already taken it,” said Darwin.

“How would you know that somebody’s…” Karen suddenly caught up to the plot. She narrowed her eyes and leaned over the desk to whisper harshly to Darwin, “It was you that broke the window last night, wasn’t it? Did you steal the file? That’s breaking and entering!”

“Relax,” said Darwin, putting up his hands as if to say who, me? “I didn’t steal the file. I merely broke in to watch some people steal the file. I have it all recorded on my phone.”

“So it’s breaking and entering and unlawful surveillance. See you in fifteen to twenty, Darwin.” Karen leaned back in her chair.

“I just need to find the Atherton that’s on the Board of Trustees but apparently nobody’s seen him around in years.”

“Might I suggest something?”

“Please!” Darwin’s eyes lit up.

“Maybe you should start dating again. It’s been a year since the divorce, maybe you just have too much free time…”

The maintenance men were exiting the Finance department, passing Darwin and Karen. “All right, to storage we go. I’m telling you, the pivoted sash, hollow-core window design is going to work just fine, a*****e,” said the wirey maintenance man said as loudly as he could to his bulky co-worker. Darwin lit up at this.

“Wait a minute! Storage! If there’s one thing I know about the maintenance workers at this university, it’s that they’ll do any job as quickly and easily as possible.” At this point, Darwin was pacing back and forth speaking all of this aloud in front of Karen’s desk while she went back to her work. “So if they were ordered years ago to get rid of Atherton’s portrait, and the Board of Trustees’ office is right next to the service elevators...to the basement!”

With that, Darwin turned and dashed down the hallway.

“The service elevator’s the other way, Darwin.”

Darwin passed by her desk again, now going the right direction.

“Thanks, Karen!” He said as he ran by.

“Professor Darwin, I don’t mean to be rude--or ungrateful for the story--but it’s ten minutes past the end of class,” said a student whose name was Gary or Greg or something with a G sound.

Darwin looked at his watch, realized he wasn’t wearing one, and then looked at his phone instead. His office hours would start in twenty minutes.

“We’ll have to wrap this up some other day,” said Darwin. “We’re getting to the exciting part where I unravel the mystery, save the school, and get shot. It’s lots of fun. Have a good day, class.”

As the students filed out, Annie came up to Darwin.

“Professor, I went to the school paper’s advisor and asked if I could do the story about you and the Atherton Affair, and he said I couldn’t. Something about a lawsuit and a gag order.”

“Yes, Annie. You have to understand that this scandal was an embarrassment for the school, and besides that I’m widely disliked for uncovering it, so they’re not going to want the student paper bringing it back up. I’m sorry. If some new intrigue comes up around here, you’ll be the first to know.”

Darwin placed his hand on the side of her arm for a moment, smiled, and then began to walk the opposite direction briskly towards his office and hopefully towards Nova.