I am Writing

I am writing to myself to say:

It'll never end. Foe and friend, strength and need

the thing inside me seethes, it breathes

it finds its way in when I'm weakest

brain does work, my strength fades

and like the change of days - from the brightest of light to the darkest hour

my voice sours - I know again again the foe within -

Body: why do you remind me of my earliest days?

For whom does this voice speak? It speaks, it says, it whispers its mission -

But I'm too disobedient to completely listen.

Livin it up in "hells kitchen" - enlivened by sleighs of hand -

folded into the lives of others - can hardly think - can hardly focus on forever.

Eruption from within - from where do you come? How did I sin?

Did I steal a voice - did I abuse with my tongue? is my mission unique - this life, the only one?

I don't know - just the narrative I craft and the science of my reason - shaping life to every season

But alas - my voice, crass - a morass of haze; stalled within - sharpened by a fear -

Is my day of freedom near? Will I soar free? Free to be me? To truly trust?

My reason thrusts - it sears and peers into the edge - constraining matter towards lifes bed

The fear, it slithers, it withers within - marked by a voice, with rivulets of motion

balked within by lifes commotion - why - the doer it fears? Giving up the self: defining it right.

I fear its might - my sight, overwhelmed by its force - distanced and divorced, alone to see:

is this me? Hello within? Michael "within", and "I" without? Shall I try a shout> to guide?

The flowing matter moving within my mind? Stillness beat; inspiring force - transgressing matter:

how real is your integrative power? How real are we - we creatures, puny, alone alive to see?

The secret of our destiny? Me, alone, small, fallen, traumatized, a voice weakened.

But the force within - BIGGER -the charging force of evolution -

cohere - cohere - within I see: you must think and plan cohere-ently.

Bring all things alive together - wrapped within a perceiving gaze - seeing more deeply,

more and more as it reaches its end of days