The Heightest!

"So, umm, tell me again why you're wearing heels?" Dave didn't like when Angela wore heels; not that he didn't understand or anything, he understood quite well the irrational want females had to appear taller; but the problem was, the desire had been effaced; what was focused upon was the positivist "look" of the heels; how they rose and gave them height didn't even factor in anymore to how they woman felt about the use of heels.

"huh?" Angela said, irked that the conversation had gone in this direction again. "You heard me. Don't you think wearing heels has something to do with being "strong and powerful" in an ultra masculine, patriarchal society?" Dave thought it was weird that he and not she made issue of the heels. He was being the feminist in this conversation, or at least seeing things, as he saw it, from a more 'partnership' oriented perspective. But Angela didn't have Dave's education; and for Dave to mention that would be another 'foul' on his part.

"I just like them. I like the way they feel; the way they look - or how I look, while wearing them. It doesn't have anything to do with me being a short woman. And btw: I'm 5'7. I'm pretty tall for a girl" "Yeah" Dave said, thinking to himself that this sort of retort was predictable. In considering his reply, he thought about binaries: "Ok, think of it like this. All human cognition occurs through the lens of how we deal with differences; or how we categorize things. For instance, male and female represent two basic 'types' of human beings; and each sex has a different biology, different hormonal systems, which gives each of us a different 'experience' of the world"..Angela was losing interest already. She like Dave - as a friend - when he was being playful and goofy; but when he got into these ultra intellectual conversations she couldn't keep up; and she also felt annoyed, again, not realizing that she was being trapped in one of the binaries Dave was about to mention.

"Like right now, just looking at your face, I fear that the most pervasive binary is at work: I'm the "doer", or giver of information, and you're the "receiver" or "done to"; the person expected to listen and submit to the 'superior' knowledge of someone else" Feeling contained by the way he put it, Dave wanted to specify his position: "But F**k that. I hate these binaries; but at the same time, they're a part of living, so we need to acknowledge them and see how in different times and different places being a "doer" is appropriate and being a "done to" is whats needed. Understand?"

Angela hated, absolutely hated, when Dave said 'understand" at the end of his sentences. It wasn't meant to come as arrogant, but Angela couldn't help but feel that way when he said it; as if she were the child and he were the adult, and his "understand?" was meant to put her in her place.

Dave continued: "So, these binaries are basic to human social cognition, because the most basic binary is "us" or our sense of "I", in relation to an external "object" out there in the external world". "For most of human history, particularly since the dawn of the agricultural age, human males have 'dominated' human females". "Not true" Angela protested, "Ancient Greeks were pretty matriarchal"; Dave though he was referring to what she had read in Riane Eislers 'The Chalice and the Blade' which was beyond the current conversation; but he relented and acknowledged her point. He continued "Yeah, but that was the exception, not the rule. In most human societies, as men rose above women, so did biologically 'male' behavior become elevated above biologically female behavior; by which I mean; empathy, understanding; patience; humility - traits that come more easily to a woman because of the various needs evolution has built into the nurturing mother". Angela interrupted him "Men can be empathetic too" - "Yeah, I never said they couldn't; but theres definitely a bias - and testosterone is this bias; enough research into this area has shown that the 'competitive' instincts both males and females experience is largely mediated by testosterone. So back to my point: culture reifies our interpersonal behavior - and thus - intrapsychic structure". The term 'interpersonal' was somewhat legible to Angela. But 'intra' and 'psychic' didn't mean a thing to her. Dave clarified again "intrapsychic means the kind of structural patterns in our mind; and these different patterns are built over our development by the different relationships we have. Different relationships cause us to feel differently 'about ourselves'; our intrapsychic structure is a short-hand for how the world has made us think and feel in certain situations.

Seeing that he was losing her attention, he got back to the point. "The society you and I were born into has been ultra-masculine for millenia; and even if woman got the vote 90 or so years ago, that's but a pinprick in cultural a cultural time-lapse." "And this relates to my wearing heels, how?" Angela wondered? "Good question. My point is, heels became fashionable during a period where woman couldn't even work as doctors, psychoanalysts, or politicians. Men took on jobs that entailed responsibility and authority: see the binary? Men powerful, women weak, effiminate, and needy? The heels trend emerged in a sexist culture that split men and women into 'powerful' and 'not powerful'. The not-powerful, accepted now, at least nominally as "equals", still had their sexuality to exploit, and they did". Angela was miffed by that remark "So now you're saying heels are designed to exploit our sexuality?" "Yeah, but not primarily. What else do woman have when the culture is so deprecatory towards virtuous traits like empathy, love and humility? Even a womans misuse of her sexuality is rooted in a masculine bravado" "Seems like you're splitting men into 'bad' and women into 'good'" Angela, quick witted, not a binary in Daves own thinking. "Not really. In a sense, the healthy and spiritual position is better expressed by the female; it's embodied in that primal relationship between mother and infant; it is actually a position of mutuality and reciprocation; whereas the masculine perspective, if allowed to become the culture norm (that is, if men let it become the cultural norm) turns everything into a 'doer-done to' binary; its power dynamics; heirarchy. Anyways, heels are first and foremost designed as compensation against the 'smallness' and 'weakness' of being a woman. That it looks "sexy" is part of the project of compensation. But that it is rooted in being shorter than males, and thus, metaphorically "inferior" and literally weaker than men, is what it's ultimately about.

Angela had heard enough. Although the logic of Daves argument made sense, she wasn't ready to accept it, because she wasn't ready to give up her beloved heels. Ever since she was a child heels meant more than just being pieces of material that raised you higher; it was socially and culturally meaningful: to have heels meant you "were somebody". You could meet on 'equal footing' with others when you adopted the same cultural protocols that they did. And besides, in todays world, the idea of limits to behavior and thinking about how you acted was sooooo boooorrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg. "You're just saying that cause you're short". Dave burst out into laughter "ahahaha, I knew you would say that. Ok, I'm short. I admit it. So what? The only time it becomes an issue for me is when at 5'6 1/2, my height becomes an issue for girls a bit taller, my height, shorter, or significantly shorter, and they're sole reason for making an issue of it is: what about when I wear heels?" - "Haha, its a reasonable concern!" Angela, mindlessly forgetting all that Dave had just spoken, returned to her normal frivolity. "No, it isn't; its an absolutely asinine concern; it's a concern completely rooted in this completely unconscious cultural dementia about why heels are so liked. And, mind you, woman are the short ones! They're the ones historically diminutized; forced to feel 'smaller' than men. I just find the irony and hypocrisy of it annoying. And ultimately I want to bring light to the fact that it's prominence as a cultural fad is based in it being a feminine compensation - both sexual and vertical - against a masculine, exploitative, ultra-competitive ethic." Dave, feeling angry at this point, left it at this "You know, it amazes me how denial works. The mother-infant relationship is truly the paradigmatic example of how humans work. The infant relies on the mother; but the mother is also completely seduced by the infant. Its a deep relationship borne of a fundamental love and concern for the other. THIS is the natural female focus. Too bad it's beauty isn't extended into the social sphere; into our relationships with other people; into our relationship with the world about us: nature; mother earth. The metaphor isn't an accident - it's based on a fairly obvious intuition, that just as a baby depends on it's mother for it's existence, so too do humans depend on the surrounding biosphere. We simply avoid this truth, because the 'ubermench' psychosis of narcissistic wishes takes us away from what is realistically happening when we do things"

Dave, finished his polemic, returned to eating his his now cold burrito. Angela, feeling chastened. Pushed the conversation away. Things didn't much change by Dave saying what he did; it was merely a reenactment, a rehearsal, of what he already felt and believed; and for Angela, although she was persuaded time and again during Dave's speech, couldn't let go of those primal needs that an unawakened mind is governed by: the need to live in harmony with others.

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

Sorry it took so long to get to this.. I haven't ever thought about wearing heels this way before.. It was an enlightening, informative read that I enjoyed.. thank you for sharing.. here are a few things I noticed... don't shoot me:)


(how they woman felt about the use of heels.) would cut out "they" here..

( "Ok, think of it like this. All human cognition occurs through the lens of how we deal with differences; or how we categorize things.)..... would combine these two sentences

(She like Dave - as a friend).. would change "like" to "liked"

(It wasn't meant to come (across) as arrogant,).. would add "across" in there.. flows better

(Dave though he was referring to what she had read in Riane Eisler).. stumbled here.. did you mean "thought?" or maybe a comma... not sure..

"In most human societies, as men rose above women, so did biologically 'male' behavior become elevated above biologically female behavior; by which I mean; empathy, understanding; patience; humility - traits that come more easily to a woman because of the various needs evolution has built into the nurturing mother"....stumbled here too.. would make two sentences.. maybe something like...
( In most human societies, as men rose above women, so did biologically 'male' behavior(.) It became elevated above biologically female behavior; by which I mean; empathy, understanding; patience; humility - traits that come more easily to a woman because of the various needs evolution has built into the nurturing mother". )


(but theres definitely a bias)... think you need an apostrophe here

(Even a womans misuse).. think you might need one here too

(not a binary in Daves)... here too

(Although the logic of Daves argument).. and here:)

(in todays world,)... and here...

( "Haha, its a reasonable concern!")... and here...

(its an absolutely asinine concern;)...and here...lol

(Too bad it's beauty).. don't think an apostrophe is needed here...

( returned to eating his his now cold burrito.) don't think two "his" is needed here..