Making Sense of It All

Am I weak because I need to Talk? Need to make real - to externalize - to represent to myself: to engage in what psychologists call "symbolizing". Symbolizing the chaos of my unformulated perception. The Fear, the Anxiety, the utter terror in the perception that all I am is a big f*****g projection. A projection from some place deep in me, rooted to a body and actively engaged in created webs of reality with other minds. 

Am I weak that when I look out at this activity and contemplate the process that I fail to see a content? Fail to see a "it" that apparently exists, but only in terms of process? 

What is my self? My "me"? Who is my "i"? I can't see it. In a sense it doesn't exist. Yet I feel it does. My entire life and reality depends my keeping up this perception. 

So much exists in the way of emergence but the reality of reality is sequestered behind a field of perceptions - emerging and catalyzing consciousness for it's own intentions. An aware mind swallowing realities and basking in its symbolic meaningfulness. 

Perception. The mystery of mysteries. Perception symbolizes its own perception. Perception of perception, ad infinitum? 

A singularity of being depersonalized from external happenings. Dissociated from acts of I. Removed from the flow of life. 

Is this what happens when we die? The same nothingness. Stillness before happenings? Unresponsive. No thinking mind to symbolize and make real for itself. The reality of the other. 

Time and memory creates the self in interrelated motions with other selves. 

But beneath it all - the connections and vitality -

All swirling together in a blankness. 

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What should I be more impressed with? 

The fact that life emerges in time and process and memory

Or the hollowness it is built upon? 

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For me, the hollowness of being directs the mind to the other. To the compassionate one: buddha, Christ, God. Some metaphysical other supplies our minds with the motivation - belief and faith - that the chaos can be controlled. 

Like the earth hanging in an eternal 3 dimensional emptiness. Brilliant. Blue. Alive

So too the self. 

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

oh wow... my mind is reeling right now... you have taken this poem to the deepest depths that I think a single writing can actually go... I mean seriously, you have asked questions, that I feel so many of us have asked and never received an answer to... This has to be one of my all time favorite pieces I have read on this site to date... you write with such grace, honesty, and power... I am in awe right now... honestly...

"A projection from some place deep in me, rooted to a body and actively engaged in created webs of reality with other minds.".... this one is brilliant, expressive and "hit me"....

the flow, phrasing, expression of ideas is just stunning.... I absolutely love this piece...

[Mike Defreitas]

I see that you and I must be alike. Thanks for yet another kind review :)

[AprilRN1210]

It was definitely MY pleasure... and it would seem so my friend:)

[Mary Bosworth]

Thank you so much for sharing this delightful write with us here.

[Coyote Poetry]

"Like the earth hanging in an eternal 3 dimensional emptiness. Brilliant. Blue. Alive"
I like the thoughts and the concept of the above lines. Thank you for sharing your words and thoughts.
Coyote

[Glen Yumang Manese]

It's the latter of what is and what is not...it comes down to a belief in something or nothing at all...either you believe in a higher power or science --- the easy way out is nothingness...but then the question rises why are you even here in the first place...so nothingness cannot be a way out...since you are present...a parasite living off a planet...breathing and eating --- until death takes you fall...or you take it yourself...either the case in point you're dead...again -- accept birth and death...soon after you get the answers to your questions...since you do not come back here...in the meantime...you can avail the opportunities that life gives you --- since everything outside the sphere of reality is not applicable...