What Sells

The only way I was

ever going to get attention

was if I shouted

and jumped up and

down of Oprah's couch

because there's

two things that sell in this world:

talent and craziness

 

You don't watch

the biggest loser because you

feel sad for the fat guys,

you watch it because

you marvel at how fat those people

really are, and you

watch it for

that really bitchy lady

who secretly makes you laugh

at all the poor, poor

fat people.

 

And you don't watch

Lady Gaga or

Ke$ha

because you

like their f****n' music

you watch them because

it's insanity

they make a dime

doing what they do, dressing

up like some clown

or a zipper

or whatever else

Gaga comes up with

 

And open mic's are a prime example

 

You listen to the singers

and the songrwriters because

they are incredibly talented

and they can do things

with their voices

you couldn't even dream of

 

Then there's the poets

who you listen to

because they are absolutely crazy.

Their minds spin in

so many different directions

you can hardly hold on to the

handle bars as they

drop you down a

mine shaft or a roller coaster

 

The only way I was

ever going to get attention

was if I shouted

and jumped up and

down on Oprah's couch

 

So there you go, world

Are you

entertained yet?