There is Nothing in His Power

It's February 15,
The love is over.
The sun has set.
The casket has closed.

We knew this day would come.
Ever since we dragged our feet from that office.
That silent car ride home-
the engine even quieted in its sadness.

That's when the countdown started.
The clock ticked and tocked-
every echo shaking my core.
I stared at my ring to make the thumping go away.
It worked so often before;
but now,
no such luck.
Maybe our luck had finally run out.

The rain pelted the window.
washing away my reflection.
I didn't want to see it anymore anyway.
I could barely make out the yard.
I saw the tree perched on the hill
as if it was looking at me.
It's limbs looked limp
and the leaves were tearful.
That was the first time I saw a tree cry.

I wake to find her hand in mine.
What was warm has started to cool.
I didn't know what day it was.
I didn't know how long I'd been there.
But I knew that sound.
I knew that beep.
That beep stopped my heart in its tracks,
and set forth waterfalls.

Something snapped-
I could feel the loss of control.
The governmental superego had been overthrown,
and anarchy plagued my brain.
I saw the veins in my arms pulsing.
I saw the blankets wrinkled in my grip.
I felt my vocal chords moving,
but I couldn't hear my screams.
All I heard-
was that beep
echoing off the walls of my skull.

I relive that day
every time I sleep.
I don't know what to do with myself these days.
I try to read the paper during breakfast,
but it's not as friendly as you were.
I tried to walk through the fields with Betsy,
but she can't rest her head on my shoulder like you did.
Betsy can't fill me with that fullness you gave me.
The scenery can't make up for the loss of your beauty.

I look at my ring sparingly, now.
When I do, a tear forms in my left eye.
The eye that saw you smile when I winked.
You always told me you loved that face I made.
It's the way I remember you now-
Your genuine smile,
your squinted brown eyes,
your bouncing hair,
your laugh.

I didn't wear my best suit at your funeral.
I wore the suit you loved.
I didn't speak much that day.
I whimpered under every breath,
and couldn't help but remember the date:
February 15,
our first date,
then our wedding date,
then your death date.
I can't survive many more February 15's.