The Rise of Bugles

After many years surviving through the underground snack food circuit, Bugles are still being circulated throughout the United States, and are on an uprising against the evil PepsiCo.

Bugles are everyone’s favorite corn chip snack from General Mills foods. They come in a variety of flavors: Smokin’ BBQ, Chile Cheese, Salty Caramel, and Cotton Candy Cherry-Coded Nightmare Bonanza!, etc.

PepsiCo is responsible for items such as Frito-Lays, Doritos, 7up, and the infamous Naked Juice.

A local mother, Ruth Faithington said, “I can’t stand that Naked. How am I supposed to encourage my son to be decent in public when I have this product supporting nudity being publicized to children! It is preposterous!”

The reception to the Bugles Revolution has been met with a lot of positive feedback.

In an Apples to Apples survey, it was found that Bugles are “fantastic,” “patriotic,” “Canada” and “The Spanish Inquisition.”

Although, in the same survey, some people were not in favor of the revolution of flavor.

Some of the most extravagant responses were: “scary,” “frightening,” and “Madonna”; all terms being synonymous.

Some big names are hesitant toward embracing the insurgency of zest.

When asked about the Corn Chip Revolt of 2009, the Hues Corporation said, “Don’t rock the boat, baby.”

John Mellencamp advised, “When I  fight authority, authority always wins.”

This story has surprisingly gotten very little news coverage by the main news outlets in the country.

According to General Mills, PepsiCo has been bribing MSNBC, CNN, and the Weather Channel to make sure that Bugles are ignored and that their Lays chips are glamorized.

When asked his opinion, the SoBe lizard said, “Wasssssobe? Apocalizard Now!”

When cornered in a dark ally by our reporters, Keith Olbermann said, “I got a life-time supply of Mountain Dew, the fresh-maker! Available in a store near you… They have me bugged! Run while you can!” He was then allegedly beaten to death by a giant Pepsi Can (from space? probably).

Bill O’Reilly said, “I think bugles are the single greatest snack food to ever be made by man, and I’m pretty sure the PepsiCo kills babies, which makes it absolutely true.”

After his interview, Bugles’ stock plummeted 500 points. It is currently at -450 points.

As the Bugles Korean mascot said, “Bugles! The REAL fresh-maker! Cat may or may not be an ingredient.”

Reviews

[Emily Quinn]

haha I love it. it's funny because you never do see bugles advertised yet lays "bet you cant eat just one" is heavily marketed along with other products. one more thing- lmao