Kent School District Cutting Spending

Due to the economic crisis, many school districts have been trying to figure out how to cut back on spending.

The Kent School District has resorted to cutting back its education program as a means of saving money for the rest of their programs.

The district was going over how to cut back on spending, and found that the education program was costing them more money than any other program by a large margin.

"It was a tough decision, but I believe that it is in the best interest for our students," said the superintendant, Barbara Grohe. "I'm sure that when people look back on this budget cut, they will see that it was the best choice for us to make."

The cutting of the education program has experienced a lot of support from the students who attend the KSD schools. 

"I'm glad that the education program got cut," said local student Blake Edmond. "I really hated my science class; my teacher was a total jerkface." When asked what a "jerkface" is, Blake replied, "It's quite simple. It implies that the person in question is a jerk, and that they have a face, which is also a jerk."

Our reporter asked Blake what he planned to do with the rest of his high school career and future without the education program at his school. Blake answered, "I'll probably start working with daddy at his local multi-national cigarette company, which I will probably grow up to run. Then after I graduate high school, I'll probably attend Yale, as daddy did. Beta Phi Theta Omega Alpha R2D2 house rules!"

However, not everyone is for the cutting of the education program. Some parents have criticized the superintendant's decision.

"I don't think this is a good idea at all," local mother, Irene Madriz said. "I need somewhere for my son to be during the day. And if the education program gets cut, he'll have nowhere to go. He can't stay at the house because I work from home during the day. You see, I can't have my son at the house when I work; it would just throw me off." When asked what her occupation was, Madriz answered, "I'm a prostitute."

"I think that the idea of cutting the education program is just absurd," local lunch lady, Bertha Domps commented. "If this plan really goes through, there will be no one to eat our food. Who else in this world is going to eat our leather boots disguised as cheeseburgers? You? Because I surely won't. Plus, with fewer students attending the schools, there will be less litter for us to throw into our soup of the day!"

As Grohe said at a local PETA (Parent and Educated Teachers Association) meeting, "it's not like the education program is the only program that our district offers. We still have music and arts programs, sports programs, yearbook and newspaper programs, poultry hygiene programs, and even snail anatomy programs! The students can still continue their personal learning in their own way, just not through an education program."