Flawed Perfection

This is kind of a rant, not a story. It is not fiction. Simply put, it is an outpouring of my innermost thoughts.

It seems that many moons have passed since I put pen to paper and actually let the creativity flow. This pent up energy is now too restless to ignore. In the past year (it’s been that long since I last ventured into my own creative mind) I have loved and lost. I escaped a horrific situation and began a path of rediscovery that ultimately led me to the ME I had lost. I made new friends and lost some very dear ones. I met my Prince Charming (whom I was thoroughly convinced did not exist), fell madly into love and resurrected beliefs and fantasies that I thought had abandoned me forever. I overcame obstacles that no one should ever have to deal with and became much wiser than my twenty-three years imply. I survived. I conquered and I finally found the inner strength that many go their entire lifetimes without discovering. The path was tumultuous to say the least. And I will admit that I came close to giving up many times. But I never threw in the towel, I stubbornly refused defeat. And I prospered. I learned who I was. Most importantly, I learned that I was a survivor, a fighter and an idealist. The dreamer that I haven’t embraced fully since ninth grade opened its arms and welcomed me back. I can honestly say that there is no better hug in this world, than the hug you can give yourself. My two worlds collided. I shed the shell that had become my nemesis (though it was, or so I thought, my only means of survival) and accepted the good and bad, the positives and negatives and the strengths and weaknesses that were who I truly AM. I no longer fight my personal demons because they are, simply put, an integral part of me. I examine, criticize and break them down. I am not the chained up little girl who I used to be. I speak my mind (which sometimes gets me into trouble) and I know my own worth. I am not just worth something. I am priceless. There is no one in the whole universe of universes that can compare to me. I am unique and I have learned to love it. I still have my insecurities and plenty of flaws (I learned today that even the most perfect of people have their flaws), but I accept these things as part of my character. I know I can change them if and when I am ready to.  Finally, it seems like I’ve been lost for eons, I am on a path that I control. I make all my own decisions. I decide who I let into my life and how they affect me. I am in control of my future. Ha, at twenty-three years old, it seems that I have achieved something that I once envied. I am living the life of the heroine from my favorite novels and movies. I think I can safely say that my fairytale dreams have adapted themselves into my life story. I never knew that happiness like this actually existed. I had to suffer through a great deal of pain and heartache to get here, but I cannot regret a single moment. Fate dealt me the hand that I’ve been playing. Every moment has led to this. My old soul has finally learned what it’s like to truly be fulfilled. It’s about damn time, haha. Practice makes perfect. Or rather it leads us to a flawed perfection. Don’t tell me that that is a contradictory statement. My life truly is flawed perfection. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Author's Note

I purposely did not go back through and edit or try to format in any way. I wanted to leave it as untouched as when I sat down to write it. Raw is a good word. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks!