There's Always a Chance..

There's always a chance he told me. Yet I never knew there was a chance it was me leaving him.

“Can you keep a secret?” he questioned me with a serious look.

                I rolled my eyes at his question. He already knew the answer. Why would he have to hear me answer it. “Yah.” I sighed while putting down my book I was reading. “Girl problems again?” I assumed after all the help I gave him before, and all the secrets I have kept. I never troubled him with my own problems.

                He breathed in a gush of air and sat down next to me. “Kinda.” He sighed releasing the air from his lungs while closing his eyes.

                I stretched and sat up right while turning my body to face him. “Well let me hear ‘em.” I argued him to begin.

                He turned to me and stared me in the eyes as if looking for an answer already. “Actually I want to hear your problems first…” He admitted with eyebrows crossed. “I’ve heard things about your boyfriend and… you.” He explained with a worried face. His frown deepened as I leaned back in my chair with a relaxed face.

                I looked to the ground. “Nothing’s wrong.” I lied while taping my foot a bit. I leaned my head back against the wall and looked him dead in the eyes trying to make him leave it be.

                His face shifted from worry to serious as if annoyed at my little lie. “That’s not what I’ve heard.” He claimed with a sharp edge. It sounded as if he was warning me that he knew I was lying.

                I rolled my eyes and leaned in towards him. His eyes flinched open wider in shock but quickly turned to normal. He looked down at my lips watching as they turned into a smile. “And what have you heard?”  I questioned him harshly while shaking my head just the tiniest bit.  My eyes locked on his and they snapped back up at me. I leaned back in my seat ready to listen to the latest gossip about me.

                He cleared his throat as if some how he was embarrassed that I moved away. “That he told you there was a chance he was leaving you, and other things.” He whispered quietly. His eyes looked away from mine as if ashamed that he brought it up.

                “There’s always a chance.” I repeated strongly what my boyfriend had told me. I smiled to myself a little.

                “What’s so funny?” he scolded my reaction. “Aren’t you worried?” he snapped as his eyebrows got close to his eyes.

                My eyes snapped up at him, and my smile faded. Of course I was worried. I remembered me crying the whole night when he told me, and wondering why he would leave me. Was it a girl? Was it me? So many questions filled my mind that night… all questions that were still there in my mind. Yet my pride never allowed me to ask him.

                I painted a huge smile on my face that seemed ignorant, but I would rather that than show how I was really feeling. “I promised myself to never let anyone close to me.” I fake bragged covering up the fact that I actually broke that promise. “Why would I worry?” I whispered as my smile slowly faded. I stared blankly at the floor. Flashes of myself being broken went through my mind so fast, yet so slow, as if every pictured burned its place inside my mind. “The one thing I’m worried about” I paused seeing myself digging my nails deep into my stomach with constant tears falling from my face. “is that empty feeling you get after.” I finished subconsciously. I blinked my eyes a couple times and snapped them back up to him. His eyes were locked on to me, and his face was in pain as if he himself saw what I just pictured. I stared strongly back at him, waiting for him to speak.

                His lips parted and he began to speak slowly. “Lexi you deserve a guy that would never even think about leaving you.” He believed while looking over me sadly. “No guy deserves you.” He whispered looking confused and shocked. “Why do you always line yourself up to getting hurt?” He snapped at me his voice getting edgier as he went on. “Then when you do get hurt, you act as though your fine- not asking for my help even once, because of your stupid pride.” He lectured me as annoyance rose in his voice.  His frown deepened as he looked over at my reaction.

                My face was twisted in shock and anger. “What the hell do you know about me?” I yelled back at him while jumping out of my seat. Tears rose up to the surface of my eyes, but I pushed them down not in the mood to seem weak I backed away from him in defense. “You. Know. Nothing.” I claimed quietly and frowned, while staring him down with a piercing glare. Yet I knew he was right, but I didn’t want him to know.

                He slowly stood up from his chair, and mimicked my glare back to me. “I know more than you’re comfortable with.” He stated while moving closer towards me. “I know that you put of a strong personality, cause it makes you feel safe.” He began to list things he knew about me that I’d rather him not know, while still continuing his way towards me.

                I stood frozen in my spot, with my glare locked on him and my jaw shut tight, wanting to know how he saw me, yet wishing I didn’t.

                “Yet your true personality is the complete opposite.” He laughed in disbelief, while stopping himself a couple feet away from me.

                A flash of me laughing and smiling up at him flew through my mind.

                “You’re like a little kid when you let your guard down.” He admitted while smiling to himself. “You love teddy bears and you’re afraid of the dark.” He whispered to himself but his smile began to grow. “And you cling to me when there’s a lot of people around, as if scared you might get lost or just afraid of the people.” His eyes beamed with laughter as he looked up at me. For a moment my eyes softened, but quickly I forced the glare back on.

                “You are one of the nicest people I know, yet you hate yourself… Your worst critic was always yourself.” He chuckled to himself as his eyes wondered away from me, yet my eyes were glued to him.

“You have an amazing skill of patience towards people and tolerance, but you get frustrated if you don’t get something down on your first try.” His hand rubbed his chin and he looked up at me with his smile once again… but I think it was the first time I felt weird staring at it. I shifted awkwardly on my feet and tried to look away from him but couldn’t. I could feel my face burn red and prayed that he couldn’t tell.

His smile faded as he looked at me. “I could be better.” He simply stated with a serious look. He started to walk closer towards me. I felt my heart flutter and took a step away from him. He stopped his body inches from mine. I stared straight at his neck and looked up at his eyes. “I could.” He repeated as if assuring me about something.

My eyes wondered in his eyes confused at what he was talking about. His deep blue eyes seemed strong and protecting. Have I always saw them this way? I took a step back and looked away from him.

“I could be better than him Lexi.” He revealed what he meant.

My head snapped back to him and my eyes locked onto his. He seemed so sure at what he had just told me. I searched in my mind for something to say, but I was too shocked to come up with anything. “Zak.” I uttered his name, seeing that that was the only thing I could say. I stood frozen once again and stared into his eyes confused.

His left hand wrapped around my neck and his face started to come closer to mine. My heart started to beat faster and my eyes slowly started to shut. Then a picture of my boyfriends face flashed in front of my mind. I jerked my face away stopping the kiss that I always wanted, and stepped sluggishly away. My eyes stared at the ground afraid to look up at Zak’s reaction.

How loyal can one person be towards a man who wasn’t loyal to them? I bit down on my lip knowing that for a fact I was in love with the one I was pushing away from, yet bound to the man I hated the most. I felt a tug on my hand and was forced back over to Zak. His hand forced my chin up and his lips pressed against mine greedily. At first I felt as my body fought against the urge to kiss him, and his hands tightened against me making sure I was going nowhere. Then my hands gripped tight against his neck giving up on fighting what I wanted.

He stopped as soon as I gave in, and looked down at me with a triumph smile. “I knew you loved me.” He whispered proudly as he leaned his forehead against mine.

My eyes glared at him in defeat. “You win.” I whispered back.

Author's Note

Umm.. random thing I just wrote. Sorry for grammar issues. I wrote this quick. Hope you like.

Reviews

[Short.Nerd]

Great Job!

[Emunah June.]

One word: EPIC! It's a good tale of love, and more importantly RELUCTANT love! Good for Lexi!