rainy days

The rainy days are the hardest. Of course, I would know, since I keep pushing everything down further than they can go. I'm not okay anymore. Sometimes, I imagine that it's the weather or even the storm that makes me stay up all night questioning my life. 

And it's been too long since I've seen you. I think I'm starting to forget how you look; your green eyes and the way they make me cry on my bedroom floor. I don't want to be in this pain but this rain keeps coming. It's raining harder now. 

The funny thing is, I know I won't want to say goodbye. Why? That's a question I ask all the time. All these thoughts come like a wave, and I thought they'd just wash away in a couple days, but of course they stayed. I thought it would be like before, but this is nothing like before. 

I'm looking up at the sky---at my ceiling of white, because the rain keeps me inside. I used to love the rainy days, but now they're the ones I've grown to hate. 

sincerely,

schenectady 

Author's Note

TW: suicidal thoughts, depressive thoughts

(Inspired by song lyrics I wrote). I appreciate comments and feedback! :)