Moved Post

A Story by midiel

This was originally posted on the blog, but moved here for a perfect reason: wiping the spills.

I need to stay away from blogging.

I have to take this measure by any mean although I have a lot to spill. Besides, I don't really spill properly these days. Looking back at the moment I created this blog, I didn't care at all about what would others feel when I blog about. I've to put myself together, loving me back and not care about things I'm not supposed to care which is everything. It differs a bit now that I do love someone or know a lot more than before, but given that, I really think I'm being unfair to myself lately.

Just 2 posts ago, I said I love me. And a few posts previously, I was saying about falling hard. The thing is, I fell hard. Today, I realize how my life would be what I wanted it to be, not what it needed to be.

That was referring indirectly to jealousy.

I know I love people and I need my loved ones to be happy and enjoying life. And they are enjoying life. In fact, they're so happy and they're in love...watching them made me forgot how I'm not. Just now, I saw affections. Not just just now, even way before but I realize it just now, people around me are happy. These people have someone to worry about them. These people worry about someone else. They have someone to put hopes in. They would be there when their person needed them.

They argue about not having much love, and yet they show so much affection they made me congested, choked in despair.

I know there are people worrying about me, love me, but I don't feel like I am.

I've always been self-loathing.

But I was not near this before;

I didn't need these s***s. I didn't need to feel loved, confirmed that I was always by myself and on my own feet.

I'm not on my own anymore, yet there's no one for me here.

I was alone but not lonely. Today, I'm not alone but I'm too lonely.

Heck, we all know I don't need a man so please don't go ask me to find one.

I don't know what I need to do. Maybe all I need is to not be me for a moment.

Because isn't it obvious how lonely my future will be?

This, I assured a few months ago to Kay; how I will be alone and happy.

This, I doubt today.