the actress

and i find preforming hard at the best of times

such a beauty.

standing in front of me

on that stage

such a strong character 

an individual

everything i am not

me

i play a weakling

a pushover

a victim of bullying and abuse

a Vitim of a hopeless love

never forfilled

such a beautiful actress

true and honest.

skilled and strong

everything i need

but will never have

she braves the characters jeers

shouts down the jokes and abuse

she talks to me

touches my arm

she kisses me

a stage kiss

fake and cold

a cruel lie

a meaningless act 

a kiss for the hundreds watching

center stage 

beams of light enhancing

felt by all who watch

but not me

how i wish it was not so

how i wish she would truly kiss me

truly love me and hold me

stay with me when that curtain falls

the show must go on

i bite my lip. 

force a smile

hold the tears

and lie to myself

let myself beleave it could be real

the curtain falls and my mask melts away

my smile fades

my tear break free

the illusion is gon

she leave me 

i mean nothing to her

yet she means everything to me

i slump to the floor

hide in th wings

acting out dreams of love in the stage of my mind

sat in the wings

waiting for my cue

i love you

Author's Note

i hate this as a poem so recommendations would be greatly appreciated- as much as i hate making poems i dont think are my best i had to write something

Reviews

[AtticusBlack]

Sorry this is late, been away for a while. This poem reminds me of loads of things, once when I was at a concert and someone I'd taken a liking to was playing, also reminds me of The Picture of Dorian Gray, where he finds "love" at the theatre. It's very good, I think the lines are a bit too broken so it doesn't flow as well as it could, but the meaning and emotion is there which is the most important thing.

[Ama May Cooper]

This poem is beautful.. not sure why you dislike it so much i think its one of your best pieces of work.
Many actors go thru this hell bound want to be with someone they will only be with on stage... painful callings out of a sweet and soft heart.

[Taylor H.]

Write a short story about it. But I did really like this.

[Lottie]

I enjoyed the verses finding connection to one another as if interrupting a play, like plays say act one scene one etc. Each of yours are like flowing chapters and the emotions guarded then set free. Also the three end lines top it off so well :) I could picture what happens next it be something like the audience clapping at the end and she comes over to you, so you have hope, but its just so u can take the bows, so cruel! Anyway another great piece.