Troll

shhhhhhh

 

Can you here it?

Can you feel it?

It's clawing, pounding, trying to get out. 

 Screeching as my flesh burns.

Reaching out, trying to fend off the flames

Why?

Don't do this.

It stops talking and begins to shout

The change persists as the fire swirls around

The thing resists as my horns slowly turn to ash.

NO!

STOP!

I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!

Guided  by the lies I spout

I am burning to a pile of ash

and the troll inside is yearning to be free

I can feel her claws scrape the inside of my skull, trying to escape

as the world as she knew it burns around her.

Everything turns to dust as the change takes,

Till ash is all that's left.

Reviews

[...]

This is sounds to me like old Faust fight in between heaven and hell. How you tried maintain your id at cage of your flesh and soul. This is quiet fresh look on problem of trolls. I find quiet amusing like some people get so easily offended by human stupidity. I can when someone trolling me i let him do it his job but i don't participate on his mind game etc. Anyway i enjoy your view cause even internet trolls are humans and maybe they have good reasons why they are trolls. By the way i like more trolls from Norse mythology .

[H L Rose]

L.O.L. I like the whole phoenix thing. This is great! I do think throughout it, you may want to add some punctuation.

“shhhhhhh

Can you here it?

Can you feel it.”
I love the way you start off, kind of slow and quiet. I did notice that, unless you are making a point with using a period instead of a question mark, I think the third line should end in a question mark.

“Its clawing, pounding trying to get out.
Screeching as my flesh burns.
Reaching out, trying to fend off the flames”
Again, I love the phoenix theme. This is an intense visual. It's kind of a cool contrast that the enemy is the one “[fending] off the flames”. I think “its” should be “it's” with an apostrophe because it's a contraction.

“Why.

Don't do this”
The dialogue like this is a cool addition. I like getting to hear the voice of the troll. “Why” should probably end in a question mark.

“It stops talking and begins to shout
The change persists as the fire swirl around
The thing resists as my horns slowly turn to ash.”
The “It stops talking...” line is good and I love the reference to “horns”. The poems getting more intense and you can kind of feel the tension rising here.

“NO!

STOP!

I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!

Guided by the lies I spout
I am burning to a pile of ash
and the troll inside is yearning to escape”
The guiding “lies” part is interesting and I love this whole idea of the troll “yearning to escape”. We are definitely starting to feel that tension.

“I can feel his claws scraping the inside of my skull trying to escape”
I like the repetition of the C or K sound, and the imagery of this whole last stanza. I do think that you may want to avoid repeating “Escape” especially in two lines back to back.

“as the word as he knew it burns around him.”
Slight typo with “word” needing to be “world”. Love the idea of the troll's world crashing down around it.


“Everything turns to dust as the change takes,
Till ash is all that is left.”
It's cool because it's like it has ended quietly, like it began. I like the rising of tension through the poem sandwiched between the stillness of the beginning and this spectacular ending.

I love this. It's a fun little insight into the thoughts of mickey fighting off those urges to troll.
I had fun reading it!

[The Immortal Phoenix]

will fix typos. As always thank you

[The Immortal Phoenix]

I definitely had fun writing this and will probable write another one like it

[H L Rose]

Of course! Excited to see the next one!

[emipoemi]

......this poem is def something. you have a couple of minor spelling/grammatical errors: "hear" (not "here"), "swirls"; "as the *world". But this is otherwise engaging, thrilling, and a true specimen of your talent as a writer. Well done! That last line is simply killer).