Someone great

She way fifteen

A child with a child

Threw away her childhood for wannabe thugs

Her parents weren't strict enough, they didn't realize what was the seen

They let her make her rounds, it's their fault she was wild

But that's half the truth, she threw them away for them drugs

Her daddy try to keep her safe, make her the girl he knew she could be

Her mama six feet under

Her baby brother broken and lost

She didn't want to be by her family

So with every storm came thunder

And soon she didn't care about the cost

Now her baby boy's in a home

He has no one

To think this is his story

He grew up as the pawn in the worlds throne

He had no mom to love him or call him Hun

But he swore he would die with glory

He was barely sixteen

With no family to even mourn...

What could of been someone great

He was vulnerable and she became the queen 

This was no Romeo and Juliet, instead it turned into scorn 

Now his dead, all from one mistake

To think this boy could of been someone great

  

Reviews

[Rene Salinas]

A reflection of a semi - life. As the narrative tell us situations that at times the feel beyond redemption. Surely then pending on were you are born destiny is pretty much drawn out for you. Lack of education and interest and money make up for a platform and if one does not want to get our of it then you take whatever comes to you. In this case a well known picture. Get pregnant mixed with violence, bad intentions and more violence not surprsingly then it leads to Death.

There seems to be a fe typos here and there Micky but the assesmentent of the scene created very intense.

Thankyou

[micky]

So good to here from you Rene I am so glad you liked the piece and as always there are a few typos :)

[Rene Salinas]

No worries Micky time will take care of them and working nights so less time for things....

[Eleanor]

There are a few spelling mistake. But if they are ignored the poem is really powerful. Tells the pain some people go through! The scenes you mentioned were intense. Common truth.

[micky]

Thank you so much for the review I really appreciate it :)

[AprilRN1210]

wow Micky.. this one is a sad tale of tragic cycles that afflict some families.. children having children, each having worse circumstances than the last.. broken coming from broken homes.. it is moving and powerful.. well done!...



few things noticed..

"She way fifteen"... did you mean "was?"

"Her parents weren't strict enough, they didn't realize what was the seen".. did you mean "scene?"

"But that's half the truth, she threw them away for them drugs"... don't think you need the second "them"..

"Her daddy try to keep her safe, make her the girl he knew she could be".. think it should be "tried" instead of "try".. not sure..

"world(')s throne".. think you need an apostrophe there

"Now his dead, all from one mistake".. did you mean "he's?"

[micky]

Hey April I agree with all the grammar issues will get to them soon, thank you so much for your review I really appreciate :)

[Malister Mikey]

Such a sad tale though truth is it is a common one, you did a great job on this poem which is very sad, but good in its dark way.

Sincerely, Malister Mikey

[micky]

Thanks soo much Mikey glad to hear from you :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

very sad and depressing.
well written!!
emotional poem!!
i liked it!!
:)
p.s. not sure if you have intentionally written 'could of' but i think it should be 'could have'.

[micky]

Thank you so much for your review "could have" dose sound better I agree:)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome...............:) :)

[Tara Togoland]

Touching. Totally love this. I was speeches for the first few seconds cause I kept on reflecting on the narration.

[micky]

Thank you s much Tara I really appreciate your review