What you think,and what I know...

What you think, and what I know...

 

You think i'm incapable

You think your always right

But the truth is inescapable 

The truth is I pack a punch not just a bite

You just don't understand

For you I won't try

I won't command for your demand 

Honestly I would rather die

I'm just being truthful 

You did this to yourself

I won't feel ruthful

This is me putting you on the shelf

Never forget what you think and, what I know will always be different definitions...

Reviews

[FateDictates]

'"I won't command for your demand " this is such a great line, loved it all yet somehow that last line loses the flow..If I may be so bold as to suggest you end with..

"What you think you will forget, and what I know, are just different definitions..."

"

[micky]

Thank you so much :P

[Malister Mikey]

This is truly a work of art great job happy to of read it

[micky]

Thank you Mikey ;p

[Ashira Macy]

Sometimes less is more in poetry, and you illustrated that point very nicely in this. There are always as many stories as there are people in any given situation. No one will ever see things exactly the way that the next person does, and sometimes that is the demise of a relationship. Really well done.

[micky]

Thank you so so much Ashira :)

[AprilRN1210]

looks like the other reviewers left you with the grammar errors, so I will leave those alone and say nice write.. packing that punch instead of a bite is needed sometimes, with some people and circumstances... sounds to me like moving on.. good riddance... sometimes that is needed... short, powerful, and moving.. overall minus the errors, well done!!

[micky]

Thank you so much April I appreciate your review .')

[Christopher Robin]

Hi Micky,
Nice couplets, perfect AB throughout which is commendable. There are a few issues I wanted to point out.
-The third line 'your' I believe you mean 'you're' as in, 'you are'.
-8th line - command and demand are so similar in meaning yet I can't help but feel you meant them to be opposites in this line, as if you meant to say - 'I won't do what you demand'. If that's the case there's several fixes to the problem e.g- I won't stand for your demands/ I won't disband at your command / To be commanded by demands, honestly, I'd rather die. Just to give a few solutions. If you meant what you said do you mean to say she's like a superior officer, and you wont relay her orders to your subordinates? Otherwise the line doesn't make total sense to me. Happy to have it pointed out though if I'm out of line here.
The first line 'what you think....' uses a comma correctly, but the final line, an extended repeat of the first, uses it incorrectly. Perhaps it is simply because the comma comes after the 'and' rather than before it, but it really doesn't need to be there at all. If we are supposed to take a breath (beat) in our minds when reading, it is incorrectly placed.

Aside from the syntax and minor nitpicking which I apologize for (not many enjoy the fine-tooth-comb approach) it's got a great flow, very punchy and spiteful, brimming with emotion.

Nicely penned,

-Robin

[Mila]

Hey! This was packed with emotion and feeling, and it was a great read! I did notice a few things grammatically (I am not a poetry expert, I work with prose, so grammar and spelling is all I can critique on...) that I thought I'd point out. I hope it is helpful to you!
1. Second line "i'm" should be "I'm" since it is a contraction of "I am".
2. Twelfth line (I think...) "ruthful", did you mean "truthful"?
3. The very last line, you can do away with the comma after the "and". It just gives it a random break that takes away from the flow.

All in all, this was a very nice read and I enjoyed it immensely. Well done!

[micky]

Thank you for your important review I appreciate it so much. I meant ruthful-" feeling or expressing pain or sorrow for sins or offenses" So I try to say i'm not feeling sorry for this person sins he is to blame for this...

[Lauriegirl]

this is such an amazing write. You are so talented.

[micky]

Thank you so much Laurie, I really appreciate it :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

sounds like a scorned lover..........(?)
people often underestimate us.....but what do they know?
wonderful write.
i liked it.
:)

[micky]

Thanks so so much :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome! :)