I'm not her (Prologue)

Meet Alice and her messed up family

Alice's point of veiw....

  Father always told me I had my mother’s hair. Long, thick, blond curls. He would often stare at it blankly, as if it brought back so many bittersweet memories, which it probably did. Sometimes he would catch a stray strand between his thumb and forefinger and rub it absently, letting sigh escape his lips. I just sat there. Dull, blank, empty, letting him have his delusional moment with my mother. He missed her. So did I.

    Everyone told me how much I looked like my mother. They lied. Besides resemblance in hair, my mother and I looked nothing alike. Simply put, she was beautiful. And I… I was not. My mother stood confident, head held high. She always had a smile on her lips and a twinkle in her large blue eyes. She was petite and had no blemishes on her perfect skin. Here cheeks were rosy, her smile warm. It’s no wonder my father loved her so much…

    I on the other hand am nothing special. I am an average height of 5’6 and have hazel eyes. Its rare to find me grinning…especially since my mother left. I did not have her confidence, I always walk with my shoulders slightly slumped. And yet they all gush at me how her beauty will live on. I think that’s what bothers me a lot of the time…they expect me to be exactly like my perfect mother but…I just can’t. She’s one of a kind.

    All that’s what made me dye my hair. Father couldn’t even look at me without crying anymore, and I was so sick of hearing everyone whisper “it’s a shame she’s not more like Sarah.” Then they saw me and got real quiet. As if I didn’t hear them. I always heard. So I ran to the barber and got my hair colored such a dark brown that it almost looked black.

    “You sure about this kid?” The barber asked me right before, “You got such pretty hair. Most would kill for that color. I knew a lady with your hair… Sarah Collins! Yeah, she was a real beauty.”

    I gritted my teeth at the way he drooled over my dead mother. “Just do it.”

    “Alright, missy.” He muttered and took away the last thing remaining to remind my father of his wife. I looked in the mirror when he was done. I looked completely different, darker, sadder. Nothing like my mother. I…I didn’t really know how I felt about it. It made her death feel more absolute…like now all of her disappeared. Hesitantly, I touched one dark curl. It even felt different from mother’s silky curls. She was gone. Numb from the change, I handed the barber his money and shuffled out. I went to the place I always needed to go to breath, Mother’s grave.

    The village cemetery wasn’t special; nothing more than a dirt lot with some rudimentary head stones. I shuffled to the far right edge of the bleak crypt to the simple gave that held my mothers body. I sank to my knees, black fold of fabric pooling around me. A single tear dropped from my eye.

    “Hello Mother.” I said, a hint of a smile touching my trembling lips. Mother didn’t like to see me upset, so I would be brave for her. “It’s me Alice.    Hard to recognize me now though with my new hair.” I bit my lip and blinked a few times to steady myself. “I miss you mum, so so much. And I didn’t want to change my hair, it was the only thing that resembled your beauty….But father is a bloody mess! I had to do something. Why can’t you be here telling me what to do, why? I can’t do this without you! Do you know that since you died, every day for three whole months, the sky has not been blue. Honestly, its been cloudy and stormy ever since you di- um left us.” As if on cue, a roar of thunder sounded in the distance and rain started splattering down on me. I sighed. “I must be getting home, mother. Father will be hungry…. I love you.”

    And with that I rose and ran all the way home.

    My house was small, only one story, one kitchen and to bedrooms; my sister and I shared one, and in the other slept my father in a very lonely, big bed. The stones were a somber grey like the dismal sky. I pushed open the plain, rotting, wood door and called out “I’m home.”

    “Ally!” My sweet little sister Browyn squealed, running up and hugging my legs. I grinned and picked her up, spinning her in the air.

    “Hello sweetie!” I chuckled, nuzzling her nose. She giggled in that adorable 6 year old way of hers. I sighed and smiled. This little ball of sunshine was the only good thing in my life right now. I set her down and she grinned up at me. Upon seeing my dark curls she cocked her head in confusion.

    “Are you really my sister Alice?” She asked me. I gave her a sheepish grin and nodded. “Well you don’t much look like her!” Browyn accused, jabbing a chubby finger at me. I knelt down to her and pinched her pink cheek. Her lovely auburn hair tickled my hand.

    “It’s really me little one.” I murmured, patting her head.

“Well what did you do to your hair? It was so pretty. When mummy gets home she won’t like it!” She teased me ad I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. We hadn’t told little Browyn that mother had died. We simply said she was off to visit our grandmother and grandfather. Technically it was true, Gran and Papa were dead., but Browyn didn’t have to know that. She’d never met them, they died before she was born. Mother would always speak fondly of them though, and I remember Gran’s good baking at Christmas.

    I put on a small smile for my little sister and placed a finger to my lips. “Shh! Just promise not to tell her in your next letter. Besides I’m 15 now! I can do what I want.” I teased. She laughed and begged to be picked up. I complied and stood just in time to my father standing in the door way, bottle of gin in hand.

    “W-who are you? Do I-I know y-you?” He slurred in confusion, squinting at me.

    I set Browyn down and she ran off to her room. She and father weren’t very close anymore. No of us were…I looked down at my feet and said. “Father, It’s me Alice.” I was so ashamed of him. Why couldn’t he be stronger for us? Why did I have to be the one picking up the pieces. I missed mum too and I didn’t go around drinking my troubles away. He made me sick.

    “Alice?”

    “Yes.”

    He stumbled over to me. Instinctually I tensed. Yes, he was my father but I didn’t trust him when he drank. He pinched a dark, foreign coil and let a few tears roll down his dirty cheeks. I looked at him warily, waiting for his reaction. He pursed his lips, shook his head and then mumbled, “Thank you.” He pulled me in to a quick hug and then went to his room. I heard his quiet sobs and tried to hold down my own.

    I stood their, utterly shocked. Even when my family was whole and happy, my father was never one for showing us children much affection. I ran outside and screamed as loud as I could, up to the heavens. “Why?! Why did she have to leave us? Why her? She was so perfect and I’m not!” I was visibly shaking and got a few concerned, pitying looks from the neighbors. I groaned and fell to the ground, letting the rain wash away my tears.

    I didn’t want to cry anymore.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Reviews are greatly appriciated:) God Bless

Reviews

[Rose of Gondor]

....poor Alice...This was very cliff-hangery!!! Definitely reading on!

[Heather Maria]

I like the prologue it was well written and held my attention. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you:) God bless

[Lena Rossmore]

very emotional and cleverly written

[Lost in Wonderland]

thank you. God Bless

[Mockingbird]

that was really considerate of her to dye her hair for her father. she had no ill intentions. it's sad that she has a complex of having to live up to her mother's standards. it shows that she was strong because she had to take care of her family. excellent work.

[Daydreamer54]

Wow a very emotional beginning. I guess her father was glad when she changed her ahir so he wouldn't be reminded of her mother anynore, but I see hestill misses her. Poor Brownwyn doesn't know a thing. :/ it's hard to ttalk to little kids about death....I look forward to reading more! ^^