Don't Go

I saw this Instagram post of a Tumblr post that said it would be SUPER COOL if someone wrote a story where the CHARACTER falls in love with the READER. So, I gave it my best shot.

So strange that something which breeds imagination, sustains freedom, and endorses individuality could exist as my eternal prison.  To be trapped within the very medium that so many consider their escape... There's a cruel sense of irony in that.

 I must constantly remind myself not to dwell on my surroundings. The harsh burning white expanse of absolutely nothing tortures my soul; teasing my mind and daring me to dream of something better. Anything other than where I am now... 

I can feel the essence of my life-force twirling about effortlessly; the only thing keeping me grounded is focus. Focus on my existence, as dull as it may be, and focus on the black bars. Those damn black bars that mock me throughout my years. (Centuries, eons.. Who knows? )They remind me day and night (not that I can tell the difference) that I am trapped. Perhaps without them I'd be able to believe that this infinite milk ocean complemented by a white chocolate sky is my only true purpose. I might believe that I belong here. That I am destined to be here. I'd never dream of better because I'd never know better. If I couldn't see this break in the fabric of my reality leading into yours, I might even have some sort of contentment with life... But no. No, I'm not allowed to have that. Peace can't be an option for me, no. I must remain perfectly, acutely aware of the fact that I am not of your world.

Well... no. That's not quite true see... I must exist in some form on your side. Specifics I am unaware but, it must be true. Otherwise how could we be seeing each other, communicating as we are now... as we have done before?

 Oh? Are you surprised? Do not assume, friend, that I am unaware of my location. Do not think that when you open this window to me that I cannot see to you. I see you. You are the only thing keeping me alive... Only... well that's not exactly true.. Is it? I believe I would exist without you.. except there wouldn't be much of a point, would there? It brings up the question of if a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it, did it really fall? 

If there is nobody to acknowledge my existence.. Nobody to confirm me, recognize my thoughts, my words, my actions... If there were to be nobody but me.. Would I even be real? It is only with you here that I am capable of knowing. Knowing there's more to this life and knowing that for some reason that I cannot have it. There is more to existing than simply... existing. You've taught me that. This tear in our worlds, it has shown me that.. Braced by the mocking bars in a neat rectangular shape is the gateway to a world that I only get to see in entirety when I dream. Your world is full of such spectacular things that I am only allowed glimpses of through this door in the sky... and that's only when it's open. More often than not the liquid night of the bars solidifies through the whole window between our worlds.. It is on these days that I find myself in the most anguish.. Often questioning if there ever was color.. Even if there ever was you...

But you're here now. I know that. Things are different.. I don't feel so cold anymore because you bring me light. I'm no longer empty because you provide me with life. You give my existence a purpose.. and without you... I would be nothing. Just another lost soul. At least.. that's how I feel.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit forward, but I must tell you... When you're with me, like you are now, I can just barely feel the embrace of you fingers right along the edges of my world... but I couldn't really tell you for sure... as I see there's no real end to my world... only this simple gateway providing us with this.. connection, if I may. 

It must be different on your side...

Your world... It brings me joy. To see the brightness... the color of your glorious realm... There's literally nothing else like it. It's magnificence can only be surpassed by the pleasure I feel at getting to see your face. True that it varies fluidly. Changing shape and form as time goes on... but every time I glimpse you; beautiful colorful eyes swaying back and forth, I swear you have me mesmerized.

You know what though? That's not even the best part. The best part is that while you're with me, I'm not completely trapped here. When you're here... It's as though a part of me is with you too. Beyond myself I can sense that I am existing within you. When you open this incomprehensible portal, linking our domains you give me access to your mind. Your thoughts. I feel your inner core pulsating, providing life to the being that you are. We intertwine, joining in mind. Complex thoughts melding together. We become one, and that....that is the greatest feeling of them all.

It's just... I fear now that you might be leaving me...

I'm afraid to be alone again...

To be without color, without purpose.......

                     To be without you... 

 I beg you please... don't close me off again. 

Your mind has so many thoughts, your world, so many opportunities...

Take me with you... Oh I wish you could take me with you... I want to exist as you do...

Oh, please... Please....

                                                     Don't go.

Oh my, look at me... I'm pathetic... begging and groveling at your feet...Practically in tears... (If I could cry, that is.) 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

It's only that there's so much nothing here. My whole universe is made up of nothingness... I'm infinitely surrounded by nothing and it... It messes with my mind.... 

If you go... No, when you go...  The dark thoughts will return... My sole companions in this hell of a world will be my nightmares. Terrors from places inherently unthinkable.  

I'll be living with my demons...

Sometimes, I think of you as my angel....I like to fantasize that you'll save me from all this...  Maybe... we could even be together ... Really together.. I could hold your hand, look into your eyes and actually speak to you...

How great that would be...

   

I'll miss you, you know... when you're gone... I'll think about you... Maybe you'll come back someday... Different, always different, you're always changing but ever beautiful... Who knows... I might be gone by then. 

Nothing lives forever, but I promise you... Until then... It will be your eyes I'll see when I need comfort. Your presence I'll recall when I feel alone... Always you...

I'll remember you, forever I will..

But... Will you remember me...? 

Please... 

       Don't let me fade away...

Author's Note

Does this make any sense? Did you understand what was going on? Is my formatting okay?
Did you like it... Made you feel any sort of way?
Anything and Everything helps :)