mongrel bloodA Poem by fredxenophobia....i'm against itMongrel blood ( an account almost totally devoid of historical accuracy)
Lets start with the kilted Celts Who came bartering for the pelts Of fluffy bunnies and cute otters (they terrified Beatrix Potter) to string like purses from their belts Cos’ they hadn’t invented pockets.
Thereby hangs their reputation For being the meanest nation Then, when asked to recompense for Pillage These fatherless barterers gave us porridge!!
Today we’ve no pillage, and very little plunder, no one I know, worships a god of thunder. And in the world of haute couture the cow horn hat has no allure. But if you are on a low fat diet Thank the Vikings for the yoghurt, Which is proving so successful in lowering your cholesterol.
The hirsute Jutes invented jokes When told that his boots Were on the wrong feet A jocular Jute replied! …face straightBut these are the only feet I’ve got Showing scant regard for scandal The fashion conscious Vandals Modelled open toed sandals white socks round their ankles And as for the Angles they were the really scary ones They would horde round to your homes wielding scissors ….brandishing combs oh Man! they were… Barberians ====================== Before we go any further I must make an apology To anyone among you who hasn’t studied etymology But did you know that Sassenach Is just a Scotsman saying Saxon? Only that mate of Burt Bacharach Could make a rhyme of that one!!! ============== I know Alfred was a Great king but he was no Mr Kipling One day while sitting on the throne He’d left the oven all alone…. burned the Battenberg and the Scones And if you think that’s shameful Its painful.. ………. what he did to his macaroons!
When the Venerable Bede bet Lady Godiva That she daren’t ride all through the town Wearing absolutely nothing but her birthday gown She promptly replied………….. “I’ll do it for a fiver”
that’s how the Saxons lost their sovereignty Because while they were all ogling in Coventry William of Normandy started weaving tapestry
Bad news for Harold of course On that hill….. on that horse Will he wear that crown tomorrow? Not now!…..not with an eye full of arrow
An Italian incursion via Gaul Brought the most famous invaders of all You know them?…….. they built a wall And although It wasn’t very tall at all it did what it said on the tin it kept the savage Picts penned in
(ahh! yes The painted Picts who are often blamed for zits But my research says nits A head can always be scratched But a spot must not be Pict)
They left some very straight roads And a most particular kind of nose More importantly at the time They introduced wine Boadicea drank Asti by the case apples and pears cabbages and peas Aqueducts baths and Water wheels Irrigation, sanitation And a sketch for Monty Python =================== all that mongrel blood, now mingled among us crossed the ocean with the mayflower mariners travelled west with the pioneer waggoners went digging for gold with the Klondike 49ers. ========== By now you can see I’m desperate for a conclusion But that B****Y blood just wont stop moving!
© 2013 fredAuthor's Note
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11 Reviews Added on March 15, 2013 Last Updated on March 15, 2013 Authorfrednorthampton, United KingdomAboutHi, I came here to read other writers aiming to be inspired,( I can write in short bursts but the periods of hiatus are long) and I’m aiming high, perhaps too high. At the greatest quatrain ever.. more..Writing
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